Emotional Intelligence 101: Add EQ to IQ for success and happiness!

Types of Emotion

Emotion, for the purpose of building boundaries, expressing values, and keeping yourself and your loved ones safe = PERSONAL POWER
Emotion, for the purpose of loving, giving, understanding and healing = COMPASSION
Emotion, for the purpose of connecting and expressing to others that you know and appreciate what they feel = EMPATHY
Emotion, in order to release, and heal = VENTING
Emotion, for the purpose of closeness, openness and intimacy = SHARING
Emotion, for the purpose of feeling fully and living fully of one's self = EXPRESSION
Emotion, without content, or resolution = DRAMA
Emotion, for the purpose of hurting others, getting them to 'like' you or for emotional blackmail = MANIPULATION
Emotion, for the purpose of making things happen and changing the world = PASSION
Emotion, for the purpose of changing people, and getting them to do things your way = CONTROL

My two worlds Collide…

(In writing my bio for a new project, I realized that the two very different areas of my life are finally coming together.)

Matt has been designing and building database software applications for over 20 years, both as a programmer/analyst and a project manager.  Matt specialty is in determining client's needs and building the software to meet or exceed those needs.  He has worked as a computer consultant to 14 California State agencies, 2 States, the federal government, 4 cities/counties and over 50 private corps and non-profits. 

On the soft-skills side, Matt has a passion for personal development training and education.  For those same 20 years, he and his wife Paula have taught an intensive self-esteem workshop designed to improve self-esteem, develop emotional intelligence and teach important life skills.  Working with a therapist, Doc Downing, Ph.D., LMFT, he is a prolific writer and lecturer on mental health and self-improvement.

Matt believes that his combination of left-brain computer knowledge and right-brain emotional intelligence, allow him to offer a balanced, complete skill-set and succeed in all areas of

work and life.

Technorati Tags: self-help,development,matt perelstein,computer consulting

ND in MD?

Q:  Matt and Paula,
Wow, this sounds like a great weekend! What would it take, in terms of students and space to have you give a weekend workshop in Maryland?
Blessings,
A in MD

A:  Not that much, really, A in MD. Not that much, at all…
We were just discussing this the other day… how LITTLE we need to make these huge emotional life changes in people!

Space and such:  We need a room that sits about 30, but not too big or the energy gets lost. ~1,000-1,200 sq. ft. empty room (ours is 33x33).

• We get kinda loud sometimes, so we’ve had the best luck in office buildings, where all the neighbors are gone on the weekends.
• We need chairs for these folks… but not too comfortable, ‘cause it’s not a sit-around-and-watch, kinda class. Big emotions and big feelings are best done standing up, in small groups, or laying in someone’s arms (imho).
• A few tables would be nice to stow personal stuff and to provide water and coffee.
• Some big pillows would be helpful. Removable coach pillows work fine.
• A whiteboard is good. We’ll bring the binders and the books and the pencils.
• We’ll bring the music (for breaks and celebrations), if you could provide a stereo with a CD player, even a nice boom-box would do.
• We pin on a personalized wooden heart during their Breakthrough celebration in class (woohoo!), so we create those the day of.  And we give out printed diplomas, and a rose, at graduation.
• And we do a roster of all the class participants so they can stay connected with each other after class.  This can be done on a laptop, so we'll need to be able to print and collate copies to be given at graduation.

That’s about all it takes… and even some of that is optional!  In reality, all we really need for a quality, life-changing experience is a group of semi-willing people to hang out with semi-comfortably for a few days, in a room where we can make some noise (without alerting law enforcement).

Students: It takes 10 students minimum to make a good class, 25 max (although we had 29 in our last class, biggest ever, and it turned out Great – the energy was/is awesome and that class is tighter than most, afterwards!).

One challenge is that we do such amazing work in large part due to the energy, and role modeling, of our Assistants… graduates who come back to help others experience what they did, and to continue their own emotional healing work (some have been coming 15-20 years now). these guys have been to the very depths of their most intense feelings, and are willing and able to go there, quickly and easily, as needed, with and for students. (wait ‘til you meet these guys/gals). My point is, in order to have a super good class, I’d ask that we get 2-4 of our “pros” to come with, to help us make a quality experience. They don’t need to get paid, per se, but if could ‘cost’ them as little as possible, that would be optimal.

• Paula and I will be there for $4k for the weekend.
• We’d need airfare and hotel and eats.
• And as I said, I’d like the same for some Assistants.
• Total: I’m estimating that’d be about $6k, give or take...
• Therefore, at $399 each, we’d need 15 students to make it work.

Does that sound doable?
Who is your target audience?
Who are you? (just playin’, but really, tell me some about yourself and your ideas…)

Hope we can make this happen. We’re on a mission to spread the good word about how cool Emotional Intelligence can be… and I’ve never seen anyone teach it, and live it, the way we do. (plus, if you’re having a class in Maryland, perhaps I could invite some of my old high school friends from Virginia!)

- Matt

Technorati Tags: workshop,self-help,emotional intelligence,breakthrough,feel better,feeling,emotion,healing,growth,love,depression,joy,peace,freedom

ND in MD?

Q:  Matt and Paula,
Wow, this sounds like a great weekend! What would it take, in terms of students and space to have you give a weekend workshop in Maryland?
Blessings,
Alison

A:  Not that much, really, Alison. Not that much, at all…
We were just discussing this the other day… how LITTLE we need to make these huge emotional life changes in people!

Space and such
We need a room that sits about 30, but not too big or the energy gets lost.
~1,000-1,200 sq. ft. empty room (ours is 33x33).

• We get kinda loud sometimes, so we’ve had the best luck in office buildings, where all the neighbors are gone on the weekends.
• We need chairs for these folks… but not too comfortable, ‘cause it’s not a sit-around-and-watch, kinda class. Big emotions and big feelings are best done standing up, in small groups, or laying in someone’s arms (imho).
• A few tables would be nice to stow personal stuff and to provide water and coffee.
• Some big pillows would be helpful. Removable coach pillows work fine.
• A whiteboard would be good. We’ll bring the binders and the books and the pencils.
• We’ll bring the music (for breaks and celebrations), if you could provide a stereo with a CD player, even a nice boom-box would do.
• We pin on a personalized wooden heart for people during their Breakthrough celebration in class (woohoo!), so we create those the day of. … and we give out printed diplomas, and a rose, at graduation.
• And we do a roster of all the class participants so they can stay connected with each other after class.  This can be done on a laptop, and we'll need to be able to print and collate copies to be given at graduation.

That’s about all it takes… and even some of that is optional!  In reality, all we really need for a quality, life-changing experience is a group of semi-willing people to hang out with semi-comfortably for a few days, in a room where we can make some noise (without alerting law enforcement).

Students

It takes 10 students minimum to make a really good class, 25 max (although we had 29 in our last class, biggest ever, and it turned out Great – the energy was/is awesome and that class is tighter than most, afterwards!).

One challenge is that we do such amazing work in large part due to the energy, and role modeling, of our Assistants… graduates who come back to help others experience what they did, and to continue their own emotional healing work (some have been coming 15-20 years now). these guys have been to the very depths of their most intense feelings, and are willing and able to go there, quickly and easily, as needed, with and for students. (wait ‘til you meet these guys/gals). My point is, in order to have a super good class, I’d ask that we get 2-4 of our “pros” to come with, to help us make a quality experience. They don’t need to get paid, per se, but if could ‘cost’ them as little as possible, that would be optimal.

• Paula and I will be there for $4k for the weekend.
• We’d need airfare and hotel and eats.
• And as I said, I’d like the same for some Assistants.
• Total, I’m estimating that’d be about $6k, give or take...
• Therefore, at $399 each, we’d need 15 students to make it work.

Does that sound doable?
Who is your target audience?
Who are you? (just playin’, but really, tell me some about yourself and your ideas…)

Hope we can make this happen. We’re on a mission to spread the good word about how cool Emotional Intelligence can be… and I’ve never seen anyone teach it, and live it, the way we do! (plus, if you’re having a class in Maryland, perhaps I could invite some of my old high school friends from Virginia!)

- Matt

Technorati Tags: workshop,self-help,emotional intelligence,breakthrough,feel better,feeling,emotion,healing,growth,love,depression,joy,peace,freedom

WE MUST WAKE UP!!

There’s a Sense of Urgency missing from our message!
The basis for the problems in our society today is that:

We as a People are Emotionally Clueless!

We talk about Feelings 'cause it makes us Feel better, but people are DYING, quite literally and figuratively, because they don't know what we know…

• EVERY Suicide is Emotion-based. -- EVERY SINGLE ONE!
  
• Most Crimes are Emotion-based.

In fact,

• All Sex is emotion-based.
• ALL Rapes are emotion-based.
• ALL Murders are emotion-based.
• All Molest is emotion-based.
  
• All Alcoholism is emotion-based.
• All Drug addiction is emotion-based.
  
• All Divorces are.
• All Abuses are.
• All Violence.

The problems in these areas show our lack of emotional knowledge and training… and that's a sad and dangerous thing.  No generation until now has understood that EVERY BEHAVIOUR we do, is based on our feelings and emotions… every one… so if we want to have Any control of ourselves and our lives, we'd better know and understand how Feelings work, and how we MOTIVATE ourselves to do what we do, based on our feelings.

Please learn more, and please spread the word of the importance of EQ.   IQ + EQ = Survival!

- Matt

Technorati Tags: emotional intelligence,mental health,depression,anger management,self-improvement,laugher,joy and love

EQ is about Knowing

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is about:
    - knowing how we feel
    - knowing that we feel (and the importance thereof)
    - knowing what we know,
and more importantly, knowing when we don't know.
(and being able to admit it, at least to ourselves)
    - knowing how to communicate
    - knowing how to listen
    - knowing how to feel
    - knowing how to deal
    - knowing how to be real
    - knowing how
    - knowing

Emotional Intelligence Questions (part 2)

• Who or what are you Angry at?
• Who or what Hurt you the most?
• Who or what are you most Afraid of?
• What is keeping you from Releasing the pain?

Emotional Intelligence Questions

• Do your emotions work for you, or against you?
• Do you find yourself Repeating unhealthy behaviours, and don't know why, or how to stop them?
• Are issues from the past ruining your present day life?
• Does your life feel out of control?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you could use more Emotional Intelligence (EQ) training.  You probably have plenty of Mental Intelligence (IQ) training… but what about the OTHER HALF of your life?!?

Learn, grow, feel, connect, smile!

- Matt

Ground / Visualize / Pray

Every day, at 6am, I set a message to remind me to stay centered.  It says “ground / visualize / pray”.

3 Steps to Making Life Work

1. Ground myself – get back in my body, notice my feelings, open my eyes, and make myself teachable
2. Visualize - what do I want?  what would be Excellent?
3. Pray - give thanks, ask for help, release it all, and enjoy the ride!

it’s helping…

Are you Bored?

Shutting down feelings leads to boredom, irritability, grumpiness and depression.  Allowing ourselves to feel leads to passion, excitement, fun and love.

Let’s open our hearts to Feel, and Live!

“Anyone who is bored with life has probably forgotten his or her dreams.“

- David Schwartz