Here are some powerful Parenting Tips, by Drena.
1) Don't take anything personally. What your children do is part of developing (unless there are larger issues at hand) in a healthy way. Children will guilt you, bribe you, blackmail you, shun you, manipulate you, bargin with you.... your job is to not give in.
2) Be positive with your children, use negative words and harsh criticism sparingly, for things you really don't want them to do.
3) Even when saying no, you can say yes... "Yes, you may go outside to play as soon as your room is clean.
4) Always expect a positive response when you ask or tell your childern to do something. "yes, Mom." "Okay." "Right away." "No problem." "I got it." "I understand."
5) Talk to your childern in a respectful way; what you say to them, how you say it to them, how you treat them is how they will treat you and others. Say "Thank You" and "please" "nice job" "I really appreciate that" "Wow, that was so nice!"
6) Expect them to do things the first time. When you ask for something, get a confirmation and then expect them to do it. If they make you wait, remind them that they will want something from you at some point and drop it. If you choose to do the thing yourself, say no the next time they want something. If you wait until they do it, keep track of the time you had to wait for them to do it, and then withhold something they want just as long, and let them know why in a respectful way.
7) Model what you want them to say or do. When you ask them to do something and they don't give you the response you want, say what you expect them to say, "Yes, Dad, right away." "Sure thing!" "I'd love to." Then give them credit when they do what you want them to do... "I love it when you say that!" "That's the way to do it!"
8) Parent with a light heart. Enjoy your time with your children. Come up with your plan and consequences and stick to it and see what they do. If they know the outcomes of their choices and they pick the choice that has the unpleasent outcome, don't yell, just follow through with a smile and "I love you." Don't lecture them, they already know what they did wrong, let them think about it and decide if they want to go there again.
9) Don't give attention and extra affection when they haven't done what they have been told or expected to do or when they have been mean and selfish. If they just got sent to their room for being rude or they haven't cleaned their room yet, now is not the time to give them extra hugs or meet their requests.
10) Don't give away treats that haven't been earned. Too many unearned treats make children ungreatful and demanding. Don't take them out for ice cream unless they have earned it. Life has expectations and you don't get paid unless you do the work, so hense the treats.
11) Have good boundaries; if it isn't okay to climb on the furniture, it is never okay to climb on the furniture. If you are inconsistant with your limit setting it makes children feel insecure and unsure of what is expected and it will give them reasons to test all your rules, not just climbing on the furniture.
12) Don't change your rules in public. Don't allow public scenes of misbehavior make your embarrased and put up with disrespectful behavior. Tell your children your expectations before you go into public and what will happen if they don't meet your expectations.
13) Don't get involved taking sides in your children's fights. Let them know that you have faith in their ability to work it out and have them to keep the yelling out of ear shot. If someone hurts another person, the person who got hurt gets to take something from the person who injured them.
14) Make chores fair. If you have a child who will not do his chores, break out how much the chores cost to do and then set a time limit for when chores need to be done. If you end up doing the chore yourself or another child does, then the person that should have done the chores gets paid for doing their chore and then needs to pay the person who did the chore the amount that the chore is worth, that way they are losing money instead of missing it entirely.
15) No matter what, tell your children you love them regardless; however, that does not mean that you have to snuggle with them when they have been rude to grandma or the babysitter. A hug and a kiss good night is a right unless they have been horrible, then saying I love you and good night will do, but make sure to give extra love and snuggles and readings to children who have been correct in their choices during the day.
16) Don't let guilt get in the way of good parenting. Childern want good boundaries, not unlimited goodies, toys, and TV time. Know what your children's least favorite consequence is and lean into it to get cooperation. For my son it is being left alone in his room, whether he has toys or not (he does not have a TV in his room) he does not want to be alone. Another consequence he doesn't want is silence. When I won't answer him he is extremely unhappy. When he is mouthy, demanding, yelling, curt, or disrespectful I will refuse to answer him until he has done something I have asked him to do and then sat quietly for as long as I think he needs it. So, if your child doesn't like to do something, that is what they should have to do until they get the idea that they need to cooperate to get anything from you.
17) Be creative in what will work with your child, and if it isn't working (if the behavior continues or gets worse after working on it for 6 weeks) try something else. In my case, my child got much worse on a points system so I took it away within a week and made all decisions according me me and not according to his points because he was learning to bargin with his behaviors (if I am nice for 5 hours, can I.... NO!).
18) Try mirroring negative behaviours. Another thing that works with my son is that when he does something I don't like, I mirror him. If he is making irritating noises in public and won't stop, I promise to do the same thing to him as soon as we are alone; I only had to do this once. When he was whining, I picked up his habit and did it all the time and it drove him nuts! When ever I mirror his behavior I do it in good humor and in kindness to teach him empathy and appropriate behaivors.
If you have major issues in your parenting style, like yelling all the time or being inconsistant with rules you might need some help. Most communities have parenting classes that can be helpful. There are also some very good parenting books out there, look around and see what you like. Don't try to change everything at once, take one thing at a time but once you change be consistant and don't give in. Once you set a consequence you can' t back out so don't say some thing you are not willing to do or you are not willing to let your child live with.
Good Luck! God bless you, and your kid(s).