Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

Know God

The idea of God is different in every person. The joy of my recovery was to find God within me.

- Angela L. Wozniak

Tho' we don't preach, or even teach, about God much, getting closer to yourself - finding your inner peace and removing your blocks to intimacy - allows you to Experience your God to the fullest, however that feels for you.

Be Yourself

One of my strengths is recognizing patterns.  One of the new skills I am practicing is remaining open to what is happening around me.  I tend not to look at things being coincidental anymore.  Too many times I have found there is a lesson to be learned when coincidences keep occurring.  Today this idea just kept coming up and I actually listened to some advice I was giving to someone else.

I have always felt like I was an outsider in my own family.  Never really fit.  Everything I did to try to fit in just never worked.  My interpretation of this was that there was something wrong with me.  I grew up believing that there was this dark side of me that everyone else saw that scared them off.  It wasn't a dark side of me that scared them.  It was the essence of me that scared them.  It was the optimism that I never lost.  It was the hopes and dreams I held on to knowing that there was something better coming if I just held on a little longer and worked a little harder.  I knew in my heart that there was a better way and I kept hoping that someone would come rescue me.  It has been a very pleasant surprise to find that the person I have been waiting for has been me.  That it has always been me.

A friend of mine used a term to describe herself a couple of weeks ago that made absolute sense to me this morning.  She described herself as being "too much."  I can look at the people who left and the people who didn't accept me and realize that the reason was me but not because I was bad or that there was something wrong with me.  I was too much for them.  What I wanted was more than they were capable of giving.  What I wanted to share with them was more than they were capable of accepting.  I can also see that I wanted too much from them.  I set my expectations for them based on the potential I saw within them and the expectations I had been taught and adopted for myself.  I did not accept them as they are in reality and that was my loss. 

Be who you are.  The only one who needs to accept you is you.  There are many who will not because they expect more or because you are too much.  If they can't accept you for who you are and what you have to offer, that is their loss and they have done you a big favor.  You are now free to find the people who will accept you for who you are and what you have to offer.

          Suellen Wiseman

Inspire Me

"I learned... that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic, striving, but it comes to us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness."

- Brenda Ueland

Not for me. My inspiration doesn't come from idleness. Some of my inspiration comes slowly, in times of quiet,, but some comes in HUGE BLASTS of energy, that have brought me to tears! I start to shake, uncontrollably, from deep within my chest and shoulders... (shaking right now, writing this)... and then I know it's true, and it's right. to me, that's the essence of my self-esteem -- when I can be Amazed at my own ideas!

"I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of quiet life stimulates the creative mind."

- Albert Einstein

I live in the country, and there is solitude around me whenever I wish it. However, I tend to live my life in a way that combines times of intense isolation with those surrounded by people, animals, activity and smiles!

Giving Thanks

A lot has happened in the last month.  Most of the pictures that have haunted me are fading or have have gone away.  I haven't heard many of the old tapes or voices lately either.  I am more aware of what I'm feeling and I'm not as fearful to go searching for the events and meanings associated with the feelings.  I find myself in situations and looking at what I'm feeling to determine does it need to be dealt with now or can it be dealt with later.  If it can wait until later, I put the incident away and look at it before I go to bed.  I take it out, sit in it, and think about it.  If no resolutions come, I pose some questions to myself and sleep on it.  Usually sometime the next day the answer comes to me. 

I remember always being very intuitive as a child and I'm working on reconnecting with that.  I set aside what my intuition was telling me because the people I trusted to know better told me my intuition was wrong and what I sensed and felt in people was wrong.  It wasn't but I chose to believe differently.  Bringing my intuition back into my decision making is making things a little more difficult.  I have to work harder to find solutions that satisfy the mind, the heart and the spirit.  When the solution is found that satifies all three, it is profound and life-changing.

I went to the last New Directions as a student to finish working through an old memory and beliefs from that memory that allowed my mother to have a great deal of control over me and how I chose to behave and lead my life.  I came away with an understanding that having the same feelings as my mother did not mean that I have to behave like her.  It helped me realize that I am quite different from my mother and while I might behave or want to behave like her on occasions for the most part I choose another way that fits me better.  I did find it interesting that as I was looking inside of myself as I was doing my anger work that I could actually see all of the dark tendrils of hate, anger, resentment, and disappointments that were interwoven throughout my being.  But I also saw them all being gathered together in one spot so I was able to release a huge mass of it at one time.  There is still more there but it doesn't frighten me as much as it used to.  I know I can face it and let it go.  I don't have to let it control me anymore.

Growth is about moving outside your comfort zone.  I am so far outside of a comfort zone that I don't know what it looks like anymore.  I have made so many changes in the last few months that I have no idea how anything will turn out.  I have faith that I will get where I want to go and I am fairly sure of where it is I'm going.  But I have no idea of what the outcome of any decision is going to be.  Everything I do is exploring brand new territory and it's scary.  It is so easy to get caught up in that fear and doubt that what I am doing is what's best for me.  I have more good things happening around me than I ever remember and I'm coming to accept that I do deserve to have this happiness in my life.  Then the fear rises up again and says "Don't get to used it.  It's not going to last forever."  I experience my 15 minutes of panic and come out of it knowing that I am capable of making anything happen that I want to make happen for myself.

I still find myself discounting comments from others on the courage I'm showing to take the risks that I'm taking.  Because I still tell myself that I don't have any other choice but to take the risk.  I'm realizing that I do have a choice but that I've already weighed the choices and taking the risk is the best choice.  When the choice is to keep doing the same thing and being unhappy and miserable or risk pursuing an opportunity that could lead to happiness, there is no other choice for me now but to take the risk.  It does sadden me to know that as I keep moving along that I am leaving people behind.  That loss hurts since I so much want them to be with me and experience what I'm finding.

I look at where I am now compared to where I was 18 months ago when I went to my first New Directions and it is hard to believe that we are the same person.  I find myself looking at the world through little Sue's eyes.  When the world was still filled with wonder and adventure and she was determined to see it and do it all.  And heaven help anyone who got in her way.

This is the season to give thanks.  I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  Life is full of adventure again.  I have people around me who accept me as I am.  My heart is overflowing with love that I freely share.  I am forgiving the past and making a brand new start.  I am discovering that taking responsiblity for myself is much more difficult and much more fulfilling than taking on the responsibility of the world.  I have dreams that I'm going to make true.

       Suellen Wiseman

The Season

"The truth is that for all the stress surrounding this season, it's kind of exhilarating when you finally do find just the right present for someone we love, or our home-cooked meal gets oohs and aahs at the table, or we walk through our family's front door as a grown-up who actually knows our own worth."

- Oprah Winfrey

"Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties."

- Sara Ban Breathnach

In Control

"The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life.

- Roger Dawson

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.

– Barbara De Angelis

Realize that when we work with people in a non-controlling way we become a magnet for beautiful relationships. When we superimpose our demands and our needs, we push those relationships away. It really is an example of the law of attraction at work in our lives.

- Dr. Roger

Thanks!

"What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it--would you be likely to give them another?

Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have."

- Ralph Marston

Give thanks for all you have... especially this week.

Thank YOU for reading this, and for being willing to be REAL with yourself and your feelings!
- Matt

Should I, or Should I not?

"Most people are so busy knocking themselves out trying to do everything they think they should do, they never get around to do what they want to do."

- Kathleen Winsor

Bad Shoulds = those that stick in our heads, usually in someone else's voice but that we don't want to do... or don't even agree with doing.

Good Shoulds = those we agree with, believe in, are Ours.

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

- Chinese Proverb

You Are All You Need to Be!

"Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else."

- Wayne Dyer

"Who you really are is enough."

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"Wherever you are is always the right place. There is never a need to fix anything, to hitch up the bootstraps of the soul and start at some higher place. Start right where you are."

- Julia Cameron

Leo Buscaglia, A Tribute

Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.

– Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998, American Author and Expert on Love and Human Relationships

This is a loving tribute to one of the greatest teachers of LOVE and living Life to the fullest. A Cheerleader for Life!

Leo B. wrote numerous books, taught LOVE101 in USC college campus, started a wonderful foundation and was instrumental in teaching the world about love and kindness. Rare videos are also available here.

Please join me in paying tribute to this fine human being and teacher.
- Matt

“It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”