Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

#1 Top Life Skills

#1 Most Powerful Interpersonal Communication Skill:

Shut Up and Listen

#1 Most Important Relationship in Life:

Your relationship with Yourself

#1 Best Thing you can do for you and your family's Present and Future:

Increase your Emotional Intelligence

#1 Deepest, most life-trashing, relationship-blasting, sex-ruining, self-esteem-bashing, hopeless event we can experience:

Being molested or violated as a child.

#1 Worst thing about trying to do life Alone:

It's No Fun!

#1 Most Important thing I'd like to Teach the world:

Emotional Intelligence is the key!  Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing.  In fact, they are THE thing for creating Happiness and Success in life!

... and one more thing...

#1 Fastest, most profound, life-changing thing you can do to improve your Emotional Intelligence (according to many, many grads):

Break-through to your inner feelings and emotions at our ND weekend workshop.

Quotes on Success (2)

"He who has achieved success has worked well, laughed often and loved much."

-- Elbert Hubbard

"Too often, people focus only on results. But getting results without learning something or without having fun are incomplete. Accomplishment is all three: the result, personal growth and having fun."

-- Peter L. Hirsch

"There are many aspects to success; material wealth is only one component. ...But success also includes good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional and psychological stability, a sense of well-being, and peace of mind."

-- Deepak Chopra

"You don’t have to stay up nights to succeed; you have to stay awake days."

-- Source Unknown

Feelings Toward Yourself

"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."

-- Sydney J. Harris

Yep, it's all about YOU!

Reflections

The new year has begun and the old year has come to an end.  It is the time for making resolutions.  I gave up on making resolutions a few years ago.  While my intentions were always there, I always failed to follow through and then lived with the guilt of one more thing that I failed to do. 

This year no resolutions were made but I have been thinking about all of the changes I went through over the last year and all of the plans that have been set in motion to move closer to the kind of person I want to be and the kind of life I want to live.  I have also been thinking about all that I am thankful for including the painful aspects of my life.  At many points in my life I was asked if I could change one thing in my life what would it be?  My answer then and now is still the same even though the reasons behind the answer are different.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Yes I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I developed a strength and a determination to survive.  Yes I have had two very unhealthy relationships and I now have a better understanding of what I don't want and the almost guilt-free ability to ask for what I want.  Yes I have suffered in silence for many years by burying my feelings deep inside and I have found a group of loving and caring people who showed me a way to live instead of just surviving.  Yes I have had a divorce that shattered my trust in others and in myself and I have new friends that have shown me it is safe to trust myself to find others who are trustworthy.

It was a year of anger and fear and pain and many tears.  It was a year of truths found that were hard to accept.  It was a year of revelations that set parts of my soul free.  It was a year of life-changing decisions.  It was a year of much laughter and love and friendship.  I can not predict what the new year will bring.  But I bet it will be marvelous and exciting when seen through the eyes of the child within me who now feels safe enough to come out and play.

Many thanks to those who did not give up on me when I had given up on myself.

        Sue Wiseman

How People Work

Here's how we got to be who we are, and why we do what we do...

Event -> Meaning -> Feeling -> Behaviour

• EVENT: Shit happens.  Sometimes really bad stuff, especially to little kids.
  stuff happen to us, around us, thru us, between us.
• MEANING: We try to make sense of it ...
  "I am bad",  "I am small and powerless"  "the world is a big, scary place."
• FEELINGS are created from the meanings and beliefs... 
  sad, powerless, guilty, shameful, angry, not happy.
• BEHAVIOUR: We act, and re-act, based on our feelings.
  we hide, we quit, we divorce, and we move, and we disconnect.
     and we cry, alone and lost.

that's it.  that's how it works.  every time, every person, since day 1 of life.

so, as we like to say, "NOW WHAT?!?"

let's change it.
to heal, the ultimate goal is to change the Meanings, to make positive, healthy, loving Meanings for ourselves.  Like "I am lovable."  "I am powerful."  and "I am safe in the world."

These Meanings, especially from childhood, are the very core of your being, whether you know it or not, conscious or not, clueless or not. you, as a little kid, made TONS of decisions like these - big decisions, life-changing decisions.  And some are still, to this day, affecting YOUR everyday decisions and behaviours, even right this minute!

are you aware that stuff that happened to little Mary or little Johnny could be very much controlling you today? do you know what decisions your inner child made, that you're still acting on today? if not, you'd better find out... 'cause without that knowledge, you ain't the boss, of yourself!

Change your Meanings and Attitudes, and it will Change your entire Life!

but, there's a catch.

You can't skip steps.  You can't just go, "Ok, now I'm lovable."  boom. "there, that's taken care of, what's next?"  it doesn't work that way, sorry.  (someday there will be a Lovable pill, but for now, you're probably gonna have to do some work before you get there.)

in order to change your internal Meanings,
YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS, first!

The feelings are like glue that hold the meanings in place.

• if you tell yourself, 85,000,000 times that you are lovable, and it still doesn't get thru, then there are past Feelings and Emotions getting in your way.
• if you keep getting into relationships with unhealthy people, or you keep making the same dumb life mistakes over and over, it's 'cause some Feelings and Emotions are driving you, that you are not aware of.
• if you are addicted to something, or somebody, it's 'cause your Feelings are running the show, not your logical brain.

As Dr. Phil says about relationships:  "Attitude is Everything!"

Relationships and Money

hard to believe, but it's true...

"All the money you've ever made,
and all the money you will ever make,
will come from a Relationship.
The key is to focus on the Quality of your Relationships."

- jr@well.com

Patience and perseverance

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."

- John Quincy Adams

Playing your Heart out!

"I believe in playing with your heart, with every fiber in your body -- fairly, squarely, by the rules--to win. And I believe that any man's finest moment, the greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out and lies exhausted on the floor of battle -- victorious."

- Bela Karolyi

(that is EXACTLY the feeling I go for in racquetball!  play your a$$ off, win, and smile Hard -- feels awesome!  hint: find something in your life that brings you that feeling, or at least that Intensity of feeling. you can do it.)

Take Control of your Life!

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing."

- Michael E. Gerber

heck yeah!
thanks, Kristin for the Morning Mantra.  it's one of my very faves!

http://www.kristincoach.com

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