Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

At least I loved

=) : ^ ))

"if it doesn't last, it doesn't last.

f~ck it.

at least I loved."

- lori seargeant, 11.29.06

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Grizzybel

(possible opening for host at new 2GetHelp.com site)

"Hi, I'm grizzybel, your host.
I'm over 650 years old and I've come to show you what I have learned along the way.
most of it's very simple, actually.  it's just that the hurt stuff overshadows the happy stuff, so people don't like to 'go there'.  but go there, you must.  and stay there, if you're wise.

there really is no where else to go.

so let's learn about our greatest asset, our biggest helper, our dearest friend:   Ourselves.

You, yes you, have the heart of a Lioness.
The power of Superwoman.
The grace of Marilyn.
and the business skills of Oprah.

We just need to help you dig those inner-super-women out from inside you.
They're there.  trust me, they are there... just in hiding.

I've seen it happen!
I have seem the most Amazing discoverings, where beaten-down, discouraged women have literally unfolded right in front of our eyes, into the most beautifully radiant beings imaginable!

I have seen women in adult bodies who were actually scared, frightened, curled-up little girls inside.  I've seen them break-through their fear, to discover the depths of their soul, and to bloom into Powerful, strong, strong ladies!

I have seen the depressed, the blue, and the hopeless, turn around their lives into brightness and freedom.

It's all done through emotional work.  That's it.
If you can master this one personal skill, you can change your ENTIRE life experience!  all of it.  The tools are free, the techniques are simple, the lessons are plentiful and the rewards are OUTSTANDING!!

Join us.  We are non-judgemental (tho' not without boundaries), we are very accepting and above all, we are Extremely LOVING people.

Let's get started.  Here's what you do next......"

Anger and Rage at Work

Hi:

Here's a good article about dealing with Anger and Rage at work.  It's entitled "Desk rage:  Workers gone wild". 

Some good quotes from the article:
"The people more likely to experience desk rage are those with the least power."  (powerlessness leads to rage).

"When we become angry, our bodies “flood” with a rush of adrenaline and other stress hormones that stay high in the bloodstream for two hours and interfere with our ability to think straight."
(when feelings go up, logic goes down).

"During times of flooding, people react in one of three ways. They either a) blame others, leading to screaming and yelling, b) blame themselves, leading to depression and self-loathing, or c) react rationally (correct answer), realizing that stressful events are part of life and findings ways to problem-solve and handle them."
(dealing with feelings is the very best way to resolve them).

Read on:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15814840/page/2/

Keep Feelin' and Healin'.
- Matt

Self Worth

What other people think about me and the value they place on me has always been very important.  It was the only way that I could accept that I was a valuable person.  In order to make me invaluable, I never said no and spent all of my time learning and mastering new skills.  Instead of being a jack-of-all-trades but master of none; I reached a point where I was a jack-of-all-trades, master of too many, and resentful of everyone's demands of my time.  I never had any time for me since I was always too busy doing for others, learning new skills, or learning everything possible to build on the skills I already had.  None of this was anyone else's fault except my own.  I gave my control to others so that I could feel accepted and needed.

During the first years of my marriage, my husband became interested in bowling.  He became so interested that he was always at the bowling center.  In order to spend some time with him, I would go with him and eventually began keeping score for his team.  Then we joined a mixed league so that we could bowl together.  One league became two.  Then I was bowling in two women-only leagues as well as the two mixed leagues.  Then I added a scratch league.   I became a board member of the local bowling association.  I learned how to inspect and certify bowling lanes.  I became the director of the junior leagues.  I became a junior coach.  I served on the board of a bowling club.  I became the secretary to just about every league at the center.  I work in every post possible at the center - desk person, mechanic, bartender, snack bar girl.  After eight years it reached the point where I dreaded coming to the center whether it was for work or for fun.  Every time I came to bowl with my team and just have some fun; I would end up dealing with a junior bowler or their parents or taking care of the latest disaster in operations that it seemed only I could fix.  I came to resent the people and everyhing to do with bowling.  When I broke my foot in a car accident and was unable to continue bowling, I walked away from it completely and never looked back or regreted leaving it behind.

This same cycle recurs over and over and over again in my life.  Until recently, I never understood why I kept repeating the cycle and walking away from people I cared about and activities I enjoyed doing.  If I let people in too close, there will be pain, and anger, and resentment.  If I don't let anyone in, there is loneliness, self-doubt and low self-esteem.  Which one is the worse set of feelings?  Generally the one I was in at the moment since I would bounce back and forth between the two.  It all boiled down to whether I felt worthy enough to associate with people.  When I didn't feel worthy, I was alone and lonely.  When I felt I may be worthy, my compulsion would take over and I would set myself up to be used and hurt and prove to myself once again that I wasn't worthy.

Every time that an opportunity to learn something new or take on additional responsibility I now stop and ask myself what the purpose would be in accepting it.  Am I doing this so that I can become valuable to someone else?  Am I doing this because it is something I want to do?  Am I going to feel guilty about this if I don't do it perfectly?  Am I going to enjoy doing it?  If I am doing it for me without any guilt associated with it, then I will do it and increase my self-worth.  If I am doing it because I feel I should, then I say no.  Doing it will only be setting me up for another blow against my self-worth.

     Sue Wiseman

Emotional Intelligence - Defined

Below are the 5 aspects of Emotional Intellegence that need to be Mastered.

1. Emotional Recognition and Expression: The ability to identify one's own feelings and emotional states and the ability to express those feelings to others.

2. Understanding Emotions: The ability to identify and understand the emotions inside yourself and others and emotions that manifest in response to environments, interactions and experiences.

3. Emotions Direct Cognition: The extent to which emotions and emotional knowledge is incorporated in decision-making, relationships and/or problem solving

4. Emotional Management: The ability to effectively manage emotions in oneself and influence emotions in others.

5. Emotional Control: The ability to control strong emotional states such as anger, stress, anxiety and frustration.

It's a life-long journey of knowledge and understanding.
Good luck with it all.
- Matt

Your feelings & emotions can trash your life, or set your free -- it's all up to you!

Attraction, not Promotion

From now on, ND will be a program of Attraction, not Promotion.

I will no longer 'promote' or 'sell' our ND class to anyone.

What I WILL promote, however, is FEELINGS, and Emotions, and Love, and Joy, and sadness, and anger, and compassion and Freedom of the heart and mind.  Those I'm gonna push, hard.

ND I will not push.  I will simply say "the baddest, most powerful, most life-changing, most permanent way to change your emotional life, forever, that we have ever come across is face-to-face with us at the ND Weekend Workshops.  If you want help with your feelings and emotions and relationships and success and love and life, then come see us."

You do not, however, "need us".  You can learn all this in the comfort of your home, having never met us face-to-face, or even heard us on a call or video.  You can learn all this by reading, and trying, and experimenting, and pushing yourself, and letting your feelings go.  You can heal yourself!

(but it's a way lot easier, and more fun, and more loving, to do it WITH other people.  Join us.  We'll be going at it 5 weekends in 2007.  If you're ready for a REAL change, join us.  and here's our no-charge, super-loving support group to show you how it's happening in real life.)

any feedback for me on this decision?  it feels good to me.
- Matt

Shoulds can be Good or Bad

We've been saying that "Shoulds are bad". period. but I have another take on that...

I say that there are good Shoulds and bad Shoulds.

Good shoulds are shoulds that you agree with...

• I should brush my teeth.
• I should change my oil every 3,000 miles.
• I should get up and pick-up the baby.
• I should get my work done.

If you agree with 'em, they're Good shoulds. by all means, do 'em!

But there are also Bad Shoulds.

Bad shoulds are those that you are listening to, and even running your life around, that you don't even AGREE WITH!

They're not "your" shoulds… they came from someone or somewhere else, outside of you, and they remain, unconsciously running the show.

They're your Mom's shoulds. and your Dad's shoulds. and your old teacher's Shoulds.

• You should not be angry. ever.
• You should be quiet and take whatever's given you.
• You should not rock the boat. ever.
• You should shut the f&*^ up, no matter what happens to you, and no matter what Horrible thing happened to you -- because that is uncomfortable to ME (as said by the clueless parent). (aaahhhhhhhh, I'm getting pissed thinking about this one >>>>> Basically, that's what we're all told, isn't it? SHUT UP. DON'T EXPRESS YOURSELF! DUMB DOWN. BE QUIET. Don't feel. Don't cry. Don't get down. and don't you DARE ever be Angry, about ANYthing. Ever. Even if you're being Beaten, or molested, or trashed. BE QUIET. Don't feel. Shut up. Think small.

I say: "NO." No more. No friggin' more.

I'm not doing your Shoulds NO MORE!!! From now on, I do MY Shoulds, not yours. From here on, I take control of my brain and my life.

No, I will NOT be quiet, and shut up, because it makes YOU uncomfortable. Deal with it. I am a live, caring, FEELING person... which means I WILL very definitely be ANGRY sometimes. Fairly often, if need be. In order to make my world safe and livable for me and my family. You bet I will be Angry sometimes when I feel it is warranted. Oh, and nobody, and I mean NOBODY, touches me without my permission... ever again. Anger is about me NOT LIKING what's going on... well, I don't like a LOT of things that are going on. so I will use my Anger to motivate me and to Drive me to make things happen in my world.  Even when I don't want to, or it's uncomfortable, or even painful... and if people stand in my way, I may use my Anger on them sometimes. appropriately, and honestly, but I guarentee it will be POWERfully and CLEARly and may get rather loud, so be prepared. It doesn't mean I hate you... I love you... but I may hate a behaviour or situation.

• I will feel.
• I will express myself.
• I will care for others.
• I will open my heart. and close it, when necessary.
• I will make a dif.
• I will reach out to others.
• I will lead my team.
• I will create a team, 'cause that's the only way it's gonna happen.
• I will do my part.

I have been blessed with a path, a journey, that has led me to this place.

• I (we) have taught ND for 20 friggin' years now.
• that's unreal.
• I have no idea how, or why, I bumped into it.
• I don't know why I stayed with it. (my own deficiencies, obviously)
• I don't know why I kept it going so long, even when Paula didn't.
• I don't know why I am now learning to share it properly.
• I don't know where the magic of ND healing comes from.

but I am.
and it does.
and it is.

and it needs to be shared with the masses.

Even more than Food, even more than Clothing, I believe these are the next biggest, greatest, world-changing Tools we can give to the world.

What were the Katrina victims left with? just themselves. what are the soldiers left with after returning from war? themselves. What do we want most for our kids? wealth? become president? doesn't matter... we want them to Be Happy, and be balanced, be Cool, and be Good people, right? So it's OUR JOB to teach them how to do that!

Never before in history have we been able to give so much to the next generations! We can teach them how to Love and feel loved, how to be personally responsible for their own livelihood, their own family and their own well-being. we can teach them how to get along, how to be happy in the face of a dim world. we can teach them how to Be Themselves, no matter how badly we messed up their childhood with our own unresolved issues. we can show them how to let themselves feel Safe with trusted companions, and how to protect themselves, when need be. We can show them how to Make it. How to reach out. How to connect. How to love. how to enjoy. how to give, and how to receive. how to be free in their own hearts. how to get up, when they're down. how to deal with their own pain, and anger. how to be fully expressed. how to be clear, and unique, and wonderful. how cool is that?!?!?

join me in my quest to teach the world what we know.

thanks.
- Matt

Talking to Yourself

Some say you're crazy if you talk to yourself...

well, I don't see how you could NOT talk to yourself!

for us to understand our very Thoughts, they must be formed into some kind of 'words'.  something that makes sense to us.  Isn't Thinking then, just a form of Talking?

we talk to ourselves CONSTANTLY... as long as we're awake. ven dreams could have voices in them, right?.  Know what that means to me?

... we'd damned sure better watch what we Say to ourselves!!

are you nice to you?
do you have compassion for you?
or are you an ass to yourself?
do you say mean things to yourself?
do you cut on you?
do you judge you?
do you criticize you?
are you discouraging to yourself?

bottom line… does your self-talk make you feel worse about yourself?

Well, you'd better STOP all that!

Imagine if you had a nasty boss, or a nagging wife, or a crying baby in the room with you, all day long, whenever you're awake.  That would get pretty annoying, wouldn't it?

Don't let the voices in your head run your life (unless you agree with them).

how do you TALK to yourself?
How?

be aware of it.

listen to your thoughts.

listen to the voice(s) inside your head (yes, all of them).

especially listen for YOUR voice inside your head

listen for which voice is the LOUDest.

listen for which voice makes you feel Tenser, or irritated, or shameful, or Angry.

did you know that YOU actually HAVE CONTROL of who or what resides in your Brainial area?

yep. in fact, I'd bet that you probably have even more control then you ever thought possible!

learn about yourself.
learn about how your brian works.
learn about how people, and voices, and crap from your past actually Take Up valuable real estate inside your head.

take control of your heart

and your mind, your feelings and your thoughts.

only 'allow' thoughts and voices that are positive and encouraging and compassionate... kick out or ignore the others.

turn up the Volume on YOUR VOICE, and be sure you agree with what it's saying.

You can do it.

- Matt

no matter how emotionally painful this growth stage can be at times, you'll be glad forever that you pushed yourself through all this painful healing stuff.  honest.

Quotes on Love and Safety

"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is LOVE."

-- Sophocles

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together.
Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

-- Dinah Mulock

Quotes on Happiness

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
- Aristotle

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will never lead you astray."
- Rumi

"Re-examine all that you have been told . . . dismiss that which insults your soul."
— Walt Whitman

"For magic to happen in your life, you must first believe in magic."
- Lynn Andrews' Grandmother