Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

What is Love?

"Love is not only something you FEEL.  It is also something you DO."

-- David Wilkerson

"The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the other.... The whole purpose of life is to live by love."

-- Thomas Merton

Letting Go

     When my parents divorced, I was thirteen and my sister was eleven.  My Dad was working overseas and was gone 9 months out of the year and then resettled in another state with his new wife when he returned.  When Mom wasn't locked away in her room, she was out with one boyfriend after another.  After a year she settled with one and spent most of her time at his place leaving my sister and me at home by ourselves. My sister's reaction was to get drunk, get high, and join the bad crowd.  I became what everyone was telling me - a thirteen year old going on thirty.  I took on the responsibility of running a house, raising a sister, remaining an A-student, and not letting anyone know how hurt, scared, worthless, and depressed I really was.

Now I can also say that I was angry but wouldn't express it.  My experience was when people were angry, people got hurt.  I was angry and still am angry with Mom for leaving Dad, for leaning on me during her depression, for not realizing how much I needed her to help me understand, for placing her singleness above raising her daughters, for placing her responsibilities on my shoulders, and then for wanting them back after three years when she was ready to be a mother again.  I was angry and still am angry with Dad for leaving me with Mom, for sending me back to raise my sister when he had the opportunity to keep both of us, and for not realizing how much I wanted him to be my knight in shining armor and come to my rescue.  I was jealous of my sister for being Mom's favorite.  I was angry with my sister for being the reason I had to come back into Mom's world of chaos and assume responsibilities I had no idea how to deal with.

A speaker at one of the groups I attend gave a presentation on forgiveness.  It was a presentation I almost didn't go to because I felt that some of the things I experienced were unforgivable.  I did go and there was one statement that is the only thing I remember -

               Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, it is about letting yourself off the hook.

Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and moving on.  My parents divorced over thirty years ago.  My mother still thinks my Dad is an a** and I believe blames him for all of the misery in her life.  My Dad is still an angry man who I believe has gotten angrier and more intolerant with the passing of time.  I can look at both of them and honestly say that I do not want to be an angry, miserable, bitter person.  There is so much I want to do and so much love and beauty that I want to experience and share with others that the idea of spending the next thirty years being miserable seems like such a waste of precious time.

Forgiveness does not come easy.  Letting go of past hurts and wrongs is even harder to do.  Forgiving my self is the hardest step of all.  This has been a week of letting go for me.  My ex-husband remarried this month.  As much as I thought I had released him from my life, it hurt to hear about his marriage.  Yesterday I donated my wedding rings to a local church.  I was ready to let go of the hope that he might be back and I would wear them again.  I was able to forgive both of us a little for the roles we played and let go of some of the shame and guilt I am still carrying.  Each time I get a little stronger and move one step closer to gain the courage I need to face forgive my darkest sins and demons and lot go of my fears.

              Sue Wiseman

Tame the Beast Within

Get a Clue about your Feelings and how they affect you.

Get a Grip on the reigns, so you're makin' the plans and runnin' the show.

Get a Life, build a Life, CREATE a LIFE that's Joyous and Happy and FREE!!

---

Our Feelings & Emotions are our COMMAND CENTER.  If we don't know who's running the ship, we could be in deep trouble, and not even know it!

• If you don't know about your Feelings, you can't know who you Really are!
• If you don't know about your Feelings, you can't stand up for yourself properly.
• If you don't know about your Feelings, you can't BE all that you can be.

(we'll show you how... it ain't all that complicated... actually, it's as simple as pie.)

Boundaries are Essential Tools!

TEACH PEOPLE how to do Boundaries
awesome parenting tip

   teach your young kids to Stick their Tongue Out at people, when the time is right.  especially smaller, wimpier kids.  This is a Personal Power exercise.

that means:

I reject you.
I push you away.
I disagree with you, and/or your assessment of me.
I disgard you.
I don't care about you.
I won't open my heart up to you.
You disgust me, and I am expressing that to you, here and now.

piss off.

(what an awesomely Powerful feeling that exudes.  It shows power, and sure-ness, anger and soul.  learn to use your most intense feelings - Anger, Sadness, Depression, )

Depression can be a Tool!

I don't get depressed anymore.  not ever.  unless by my direction.

I will sometimes Shut Down my feelings, on purpose, to rest, to rejuvinate, to come back Stronger and Clearer.

... but I don't ever get depressed, fer real.

• Use Depression as a Tool, not a Weakness.
• An Asset, not a Disease!

Depression is a Resting place.  A place, past your feelings, where you go if you've felt too much, for too long.  Your body shuts down, as right it should, when overloaded, bombarded and/or neglected long enough.

Our job is to Understand our Depression.  Listen to what it's telling us.

The #1 Cure for Depression:  DEAL WITH YOUR UNEXPRESSED ANGER!

It's not Anger Management, 'cause that means Controlling your anger, and trying NOT to feel it...

I want us to FEEL IT MORE!!!

More often, at ever-increasing units of POWER,
at volumes that may very well ROCK the house down!!

• Focus
• Direction
• INtEnSITy
• POWER
• Release
• Extract
• Actively deal with.
• Actively communicate with.

Anger is the antidote for Depression.  Handle your anger and your depression will subside.

Sharing our Feelings

"Damn, I'm Hungry....

There, now I've talked about my feelings."

- from a New Zealand ad for meat pies (thanks Cheryl!  LOL!!)

Freedom to Choose

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you."

- Richard Bach

Write Your Own Rules

            Dr. Wayne Dyer when accepting his Einstein award defined the Philosophy of Relativity to the audience by commenting on his baldness.  Dr. Dyer is almost completely bald but stated that if you found the same amount of hair in a bowl of soup that it would be a lot of hair.  I have come to accept that reality is also relative.

Recently I have started receiving a quote for the day and my daily horoscope.  I enjoy reading the horoscope to see what meaning I can place on the very vague prediction.  Today as I was reading my horoscope and thinking about the interesting concepts it introduced, I looked up and saw the quote for the day.

One of the best ways to win the game is to write the rules.

Michael S Malone

            I looked at this quote and at first laughed.  Then I reread my horoscope and this line “Mind and emotions join together in a beneficial partnership, enabling you to increase your understanding of those close to you.” linked with the above quotation and the laughter changed into a new perspective and a better understanding of me.  I have lived a life where I have tried to win the game by playing by the rules written by others.  In order to play by those rules, I did things that compromised my values and have created a number of internal conflicts.

            My fear of what would happen if I lived outside of those rules and the “shoulds” of family, friends, and society helped to keep me playing within those rules and losing myself in depression and anger.  I had a fear of being rejected and being alone.  I had a fear that my life would have no meaning.  I had a really big fear that I would not like being with the person I am.  I still have those fears but I can see through them.  I can accept that there are characteristics and behaviors that I want to change.  For the majority of the time, I can accept me at this moment in time.  I am capable of changing and realize that changes take time and lots of practice before they become automatic responses.  I do not have to punish myself because I cannot change them overnight.  I do not have to be perfect because perfection is a constantly changing. 

When my ex-husband asked for a divorce, it wasn’t the thought of his physically leaving that hurt so much as it was the thought that I had lost my best friend.  The one person I told everything to and trusted completely.  I was angry with myself for failing to change enough to save my marriage and also angry with myself for changing as much as I did and isolating myself from what I liked to in order to stay in an unhappy marriage.  I was angry with myself because I failed at being the perfect wife and superwoman.  I was angry with myself for denying what I saw to hold on to a false reality of being a happily married couple. 

I currently work in a management position and spend a large portion of my day in evaluating people and numbers.  I can see that I do not hold my employees up to the very high standards that I hold for myself.  I judge them considerably less harshly than I judge myself.  I was willing to take on the responsibilities for the consequences of their actions or inactions.  I am learning to let go of their responsibilities and accept the consequences of my actions and not others.  I am learning that it is all right to make mistakes.  I am learning that the only person I really need to please is me.  I am giving myself the freedom to become my own best friend.  I am giving myself the freedom to write my own rules.

When I was little and would visit my grandparents, every cup of coffee that I made for grandpa was perfect and just the way he liked it.  When my sister and I went across the street to Burger King and came back with the hamburger we had made for him, it was huge with everything on it and he ate it and it was just what he wanted.  At his funeral, a number of the grandkids stood up and spoke of similar experiences.  I am sure that my grandfather drank a lot of terrible coffee and ate a lot of unusual hamburgers but he gave this granddaughter the kind of love and acceptance that everyone deserves to receive no matter what their perceived imperfections may be.  His loss is still felt deeply today.  The happiness I felt during those times inspired my new rule to love and accept myself as I am.

Sue Wiseman

Personal Responsibility

"A successful person realizes his personal responsibility
for self-motivation. He starts with himself because he
possesses the key to his own ignition switch."

- Kemmons Wilson

The Secret is Out: Feelings are the Key to Happiness!

I just watched the movie: "The Secret".  Incredibly powerful message there!

In the movie, they make a strong point that:
"Feelings are the Key to Happiness!" 

and I so totally AGREE!

However, in order to manage our feelings, we first have to be "in touch" with our Feelings!

Feelings can be mighty confusing at times.  Need some help with them?

• Are you angry a lot? (or at the wrong people)
• Does your fear get in your way?
• Are you so sad you can't get over it?
• Do you often feel depressed and down?
• Is your guilt or shame ruining your life?

There's HOPE.  We can help!

In just one short weekend, we can teach you, show you, guide you back into your childhood to see where all this pain started. 

- We'll teach you how feelings work and how they can get stuck inside us as young children.
- We'll explain how FEELING the feelings is the only way to RELEASE old pent-up garbage so you have room for NICE, WARM, LOVING, ABUNDANCE-SEEKING FEELINGS to exist.
- We'll do what it takes.  We'll hold you while you cry.  We'll hold a pillow for you while you punch and scream.  We'll lift you up, we'll encourage you, we'll support you, we'll accept you and we'll love you (and, imho, we love GOOD!).

After just one weekend with us, you will FEEL BETTER and FEEL MORE than you've felt, probably EVER!  And, you'll have the EMOTIONAL TOOLS to keep the good feelings going, for life.

Read more about the ND workshop here.
... or better yet, don't take my word for it (although it did totally change MY life, too)... read our many, many Testimonials here.

"I felt free to be ME for the first time in my life!"

"For me, ND, though it can seem scary at first, turned out to be a safe, nurturing, loving environment, filled with people just like me!  I have felt great fear, deep shame, guilt... which, through the ND method, has helped me deal with and release emotional baggage and psychological trash from my past to make room for the positive aspects of life, to reconnect with my birthright, my safe sanctuary from within."

"I was a wimp and ND kicked my ass.  Now I CAN KICK ASS!"

"I'm a new person.  I've been depressed for so many years, I forgot how it felt to not be depressed.  They helped me blast through the depression into a brighter, more calmer, more peaceful place.  Now I have hope for the future that I haven't felt since I was a little kid -- Yippee!  Thanks so much guys."

Here's a list of some of the stuff YOU could get/feel after this workshop:

• Pride   Awareness
• Personal Power  Healing
• Acceptance  Courage
• Joy   Control
• Trust   Peace
• Faith   Compassion
• Hope   Unselfishness
• Friendship  Connection
• Love   Belonging
• Hugs   Normalcy

Check it out -- there are a lot of workshops, therapy, support groups, etc. out there, but as far as I know, no one goes DIRECTLY to the heart of the problem, the core of your Feelings and Emotions, like we do.  We teach how it all started, how to manage it in the present and how to get your Feelings & Emotions to WORK FOR YOU in the future in the most BEAUTIFUL, Life-enhancing ways!

"You Gotta FEEL It to HEAL It"

Click to read on.
- MattAttack

p.s. -  They also said in "The Secret" movie that:

"Our mission in life is whatever we want it to be!"

Well, I have decided that my personal mission is to teach and show the world how incredibly powerful and life-changing learning to deal with your Feelings can be.  It's painful work, by definition, and people are hesitant to "go there".  But once they have "been there, done that" and came back, refreshed, revived and MUCH brighter than before, KNOWing forever more that their feelings are their friend, not their enemy, you will agree with me, and all the wise folks that brought you "The Secret", that:

"FEELINGS really are the Key to Happiness"  period.

p.p.s. - oh, and btw, your feelings are also totally FREE, and abundant, and ever-lasting, and with you 24x7x365, and the key to Success and Wealth, and the way we connect with friends, family and relationships, and the best entertainment you'll ever find, and the meaning of life, and the most awesome thing on the entire planet, etc.  If you don't know much about yours, you might want to learn more about them...

    "The Last GREAT ADVENTURE in Life is the Journey Inside Ourselves."

Join us as we go and grow.