Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

Courage to BE

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

– E. E. Cummings, 1894-1962, American Poet/Painter/Playwright

It's not easy dealing with your feelings.  It's not always fun, either.  It takes courage, faith, hope and a strong belief that you're doing the right thing.  But it's still gotta be done.

• Many people are afraid of their fear.
• Many people are angry that they feel so angry.
• Many people are depressed about being depressed.

The #1 fastest, safest, sane-est, most lasting way to Relieve our negative feelings is to ALLOW our negative feelings -- not fight with them, avoid them, or ignore them -- but to fact them, head-on, with gusto and enthusiasm, in an effort to reduce them and release them from inside us.

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past us, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing."

- John Muir

FEAR = Face Everything And Recover

New Directions Can Help you Heal!

As you may know, this site was started to express some of the many powerful teachings and lessons we learned while teaching our incredibly intensive, feelings-based workshops over the last 20 years. New Directions is the most challenging, life-changing, emotion-expressing, pain-healing, love-generating workshop I've ever seen or heard of.

Here's an unsolicited testimonial sent to me just this morning:
"You and Paula beautifully see hundreds of people through their crises and make room for all the good stuff. What an awesome job you do! New Directions helped me disassemble old belief patterns that were interfering with my emerging consciousness. I have become a different person."

- Pat J., 5.25.06

New Directions is offered once every other month out here in California. If you are serious about learning about the wonders that go on inside you, healing your past that defined you, and creating the awesome future you want and deserve, then come join us.

- Matt, lead instructor
http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com

Love is...

Here's something I wrote yesterday for a dear friend's wedding that I thought I'd share with you. We can't go to wedding physically so she asked that I write something for them to read during the ceremony, so we could be there in spirit. Here goes...

Love is ...

Life's journey brings love into our lives to enrich the spirit and strengthen the soul.

Love rejuvinates and nourishes.

Love fills our bodies and lightens our burdens.

Love lights up our lives in a way that nothing else can.

Love is created when a spark between two people is ignited, and as the people grow closer, it can be nurtured, and fanned into a flame. This fire can brighten our outlook, brings joy to our hearts, and allow lightness and peace in our daily lives.

God gave us this need to connect to one another -- the need to share our lives, our fears and our goals. Thus, the dance of intimacy can bring with it a completeness, a wholeness, a connection to another human being that there is no substitute for.

Our society brought us marriage -- the holiest of unions between two people in love. The ultimate expression of this need is the joining of two hearts in the bonds of marriage.

Sometimes this bond is permanent, sometimes it lasts only a short while, but whenever this bond is made, with love and lightness in our hearts, it is time for celebration -- celebration of life, and love, and God.

Sandra and Jim are joined this day in celebration of their love for one another.
And with their love, they celebrate all that is good, and right, and just in the world. They celebrate God.

Love completely and prosper, you two. And spread your love and your joy with all that you meet.

Loving Yourself

"At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance."

-- Dr. Paul Tournier

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

-- Buddha

"Love really IS the answer!"

-- Matt Perelstein

Want to get Published?

Hi:

We need to make this vital information even more accessible to the world!

Now that I'm done with the "100 Emotions Lessons in 100 Days", I need to re-organize this wealth of information and put it into a more readable / downloadable medium, i.e. an Ebook.

... but I need some help.  If you're a good organizer, believe in the concepts taught here, and want to be Published, then we may be able to do some beautiful things together!

To see all the entries, either scroll down this page, sign-up at the right or click on this  link to get the 100 Lessons, in order (latest first).  Get some ideas of how you might arrange this information into an outline, or chapters, so that's it clear and flows nicely for a book.

Then write to me and let's talk.  I will be publishing and selling the new Ebook we create together, and I am happy to share in the proceeds.

Thanks.  Write on.
- Matt

Post Mania

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wow.  No other way I could have shared so much, with so many, for so long!
- Matt

Are you pissed off?!?

"Resentment comes from the repression of feelings, not the expression of feelings!"

- Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT

Express your anger and resentments!  Get them out of your body -- if not directly to the person that you're angry at -- then to another safe person who will listen and understand, without judgment.

And, if you can't find someone safe to talk to, then express 'em anyway. To an empty chair, or to a mirror, or to the mountaintops -- but PLEASE express those big negative emotions.  They can kill you if kept locked up inside you!

Take true responsibility for your life by taking responsibility for your feelings and emotions.

good luck with it all.
- Matt

We did it!

Day 100 of 100!!  Yeehaa!!

WE DID IT! 100 Emotional Lessons in 100 Days (well, about 111, but close enuf!).

Let's recap what we learned about Taking Control of our Feelings & Emotions...

• Feelings are a GOOD thing, not a Bad thing!  (MOST important!)
• Feelings are a natural, God-given right that all us humans have in common.
• Feelings are who we are, what we care about, and what we're made of
• Feelings, expressed verbally, with the intensity they are felt, will reduce in intensity and are free to change.
• The 3 very basic steps to dealing with your emotions are:

1. Know what you feel
2. Accept that you feel it.
3. Express your feelings in safe, healthy, productive ways.

• Depression is Anger turned inward (or anger without enthusiasm)
• Guilt and Shame are both toxic, and are both Optional (you can take them or leave them.
• Thou shall not Should on thyself.
• Anger is a secondary emotion -- we always feel something first BEFORE we feel anger.
• Chances are you did not learn how to effectively deal with your feelings & emotions as a child, neither from your parents nor your schooling, so you HAVE TO LEARN THESE CRUCIAL LIFE-LESSONS YOURSELF.
• "Our level of mental health is directly related to our sense of Belonging." -- in other words, connecting with people and sharing our life, love and experiences is the key to being happy, healthy and successful.
• To be an expert communicator, we need to learn how to SUAL (Shut Up And Listen)!
• Happiness does not come from being successful.  Success comes from being happy.
• Feelings are not debatable, judgements are.  Stick to talking about what you feel and you'll never have another argument!
• If you know what you feel, you'll know what you want, and who you are.
• Love really IS the answer!
• Feelings really ARE the key to Happiness!

You CAN take control of your Life, by understanding, appreciating and learning to manage your Feelings and Emotions.

In closing,
Thanks for reading, listening, and caring, and thanks tons for all the wonderful feedback I've gotten from ya'll (the over 500 folks who are currently receiving this e-series).  That's my reward for pushing myself to write down these many thoughts and truths that run thru my head.  If you need more help with your feelings, and to remain healthy and strong, some choices are:

• Talk to safe people about what you feel.
• Listen, learn and get feedback.
• Read, read, read.  Books, websites, articles, e-courses, whatever you can.
• Go to workshops and classes and learn in person.
• Hire a therapist and/or a life coach to get the personal help you deserve.
• Make it a priority in your life.

Your feelings will be with you 24x7x365 until the day you die, so please do what you can to learn to deal with them properly and effectively.

Let me know what you thought of this series.  If you like what you've read here, I have an ebook coming soon, so please stay in touch.  I vow to keep writing, continue life-coaching and carry on teaching our life-changing emotional breakthrough weekend workshop for as long as I possibly can, to as many people as I possibly can.  The world is changing, becoming more and more interested in what's happening inside us and around us, so I feel this is my place to contribute.

"The last great adventure is our journey inward."

My best to you always!

Keep feelin' and healin'.

With much love always,
- Matt Perelstein

Choose Your Battles

Day 99 of 100:  We can't get upset about Everything, right?

We always have Choices, including choosing what we are going to get upset about and what to get in a fight or war over.  Certainly, there are things worth fighting for in life.  Many things.  But there are also times when it's best to just let things ride and NOT get upset about them. 

• Didn't that bother you?
• Aren't you upset about that?
• What about how you were treated?

"Sometimes it's best to just be a 'duck' -- let negative things just roll off your back and don't let them get you down."

- my friend Sydney Rutherdale

Here's a funny one from the man, himself:

"If A is success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z
is keeping your mouth shut."

- Albert Einstein

What is Normal?

Day 98 of 100: Have you ever felt like you weren't "normal"?

Of course! Almost everyone has felt this at one time or another in their lives.

Doc says "Reality is what you get used to."

That means that whatever you grew up with and lived with on a daily basis probably felt Normal to you, and became your version of Reality. No matter how dysfunctional or unacceptable it was for you, it was still "normal" and it seemed like what you deserved.

In reality, there is no such thing as Normal. Everyone has their own reality and their own life experiences. The big questions are:

• Is your family life Encouraging or Discouraging?
• Do you feel Safe and Accepted at home?
• How can you create a Family atmosphere that works better for everyone involved?

You're probably NOT wierd or abnormal. You probably fit in well with many, many people, if you only knew them better, past the masks and the facades.

Remember, "your level of mental health is directly related to your sense of belonging" (Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs) so find ways you are LIKE people, not ways you are Different.

The one thing that all us humans share in common -- regardless of sex, age, religion, color, nationality or upbringing -- is that we all have FEELINGS. We all have 'em, we all have the same ones and there is nothing that you have felt that I have not. We can connect with Anyone, when we speak from our Feelings!