Let's talk about being "Shame-based".
We've established that the difference between Guilt and Shame is that Guilt is about something you DID that was bad, while Shame is the belief that you ARE bad.
So shame-based people believe they are bad people.
- They assume the worst.
- They assume life is dangerous and people are out to get them.
- They act like they're paranoid.
- They believe they are destined to get hurt and trashed emotionally, like they did as a child.
- They've tried 'thinking positive', but it doesn't change.
Shame is deep and shame is pervasive. I learned from John Bradshaw "Healing the Shame that Binds you." that when we are shamed, we need to "GIVE IT BACK" to the person(s) who dumped it on us in the first place. This "giving back" can be quite uncomfortable so the use of Anger as a tool and impetus to help is highly recommended.
It sounds something like this (best if done at full volume and intensity):
"I am NOT a bad person!"
"Take back your shame and your judgements and your criticism."
"I refuse to carry your judgements of me any longer!"
"I am a good person, no matter what you say or think."
(usually followed by powerful, healing cries that wash the pain away, making room for much-deserved love, light and self-esteem!)