Shame-based People

Let's talk about being "Shame-based".

We've established that the difference between Guilt and Shame is that Guilt is about something you DID that was bad, while Shame is the belief that you ARE bad.

So shame-based people believe they are bad people.

• They assume the worst.
• They assume life is dangerous and people are out to get them.
• They act like they're paranoid.
• They believe they are destined to get hurt and trashed emotionally, like they did as a child.
• They've tried 'thinking positive', but it doesn't change.

Shame is deep and shame is pervasive.  I learned from John Bradshaw "Healing the Shame that Binds you." that when we are shamed, we need to "GIVE IT BACK" to the person(s) who dumped it on us in the first place.  This "giving back" can be quite uncomfortable so the use of Anger as a tool and impetus to help is highly recommended.

It sounds something like this (best if done at full volume and intensity):
"I am NOT a bad person!"
"Take back your shame and your judgements and your criticism."
"I refuse to carry your judgements of me any longer!"
"I am a good person, no matter what you say or think."
(usually followed by powerful, healing cries that wash the pain away, making room for much-deserved love, light and self-esteem!)

Comments

[donald little]

"sorry" about some of {My Words} ~mispelled~

[donald little]

Dear Gary Barbano

I have never been what my parents wanted or expected me to be, they were the perfect condecending smart ones who had a jolly answer for everthing yet "i see their inner ego hate anger&pain" hate and hurt deep down. i was trapped for many years beliveing i am nothing, yet i am still alive becosue i choose to live with or without them plus i am still learnbing to oove them and accept them even though they had thrown me out becosue i stood up for myself. .god is boyond all of us. there is a peace before the end, its just a matter of how much we want it...God bless if this makes any since i wrote this from inside"Don"

you have to learn to feel respected. you are

[Gary Barbano]

Anyone out there please help me I am seeking help. I am completely a shamed-based self just as Dr. Bradshaw diagramed in his book Healing the Shame that Binds You. On page fifty or sixty something Dr. Bradshaw diagrams how a person gets initially toxically shame at the bottom of this diagram. As a person becomes more and more toxically shamed their authentic self gets smaller and smaller up to completely lost at the final phase of this diagram and does not read when completely lost will happen can any any any answer happen to restore an authentic self back. I am a being of shame and not on any beneficial medication. Another fear is going to a pyschiatrist and that person to have me 5150'd arrested into a mental hospital and without ever being released since I have lost my mind being in all toxic shame just as Dr. Bradshaw's diagram depicts. I am researching the Internet using search engines keying in for example how to heal being a shame-based self and the like. A gut hunch says to me closeness with a woman is partially a solution. Will ANYONE write to me their's same shame-based self crisis WHAT to do? Dr. Bob wrote his statement concerning The Engine Of Shame and his statement is a match to the being of shame I have tranformed into. Please key in The Engine Of Shame in any search engine for familarizing yourself the precise explaination about how shame converts a person into a being of shame and how the conduct takes form from being all shame. One delimna Dr. Bob did not write what is his or an answer for transforming being shame back to one's condition before being shame. Again PLEASE I am in shame agony needing HELP. You can also write me at 14392 Acacia Street San Leandro California 94579. Today's date is April 5 2006. God Bless Whom Will Come To Help Me.