Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

Success is my only (mf'n) option

"Lose Yourself"

- Eminem
Soundtrack for the movie "8 Mile"
video preview: http://www.empiremovies.com/movies/2002/8mile.shtml

Complete Lyrics

It's a tough song and movie, but the message is Excellent.
Many discount it because it is Rap (as Rap is bad, right? ...not always)

I may not agree with the concept that "opportunity comes once in a lifetime", but I admire the commitment and intention. In the movie, the main character Jimmie has a cool attitude, a combination of "F___ You!" and I AM responsible.

Life's hard and getting harder

"All the pain inside amplified by the fact
I can't get by with my 9 to 5
and I can't provide the right type of life for my family.
Cuz man, these g__d__ food stamps don't buy diapers."

""Lonely roads, God only knows He's grown farther from home, he's no father He goes home and barely knows his own daughter"

I've been down, I know how it feels and I am on my way up.
with a sense of urgency

"This world is mine for the taking
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo"

I'm bad.... but real.

"known as the globetrotter
caught up between being a father and a prima donna
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy, No"

movin' up

"I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot."

"No more games, I'm gonna change what you call rage I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage"

So,

"Mom, I love you, but this trailer's gotta go...
You can do anything you set your mind to, man
Feet fail me not cuz this may be the only opportunity that I got"

"Success is my only m__f__in' option. Failure's not."

(another positive Eminem song)
Lyrics to 8 Mile, the song

Support Group - Online

Announcing - the New Directions / 2GetHelp

Support Group Meeting

-- Mondays at 7:30pm (california time).

... at the allotted time, just make sure your computer is online, click the link below and you'll be in with the rest of us. http://groups.msn.com/2GetHelp/chat.msnw

We'd love for you to join us. We will have lively, upbeat conversations. You can be anonymous and just listen, or you can share to your hearts' content, get & give feedback, connect with others and enjoy.

You'll be asked to provide your name, a unique nickname, your age, gender, email, marital status and city.
Co-hosted by me and John Fisher, LCSW.
No charge.

Join 2GetHelp Group      MSN Groups

"Talk to you Monday"

- Matt

New Directions Breakthrough Workshop

Learn to Trust and Love again (even if you've been burned)
Find Answers to: Why Do I Keep Doing This?
Understand Yourself and Others
Take control of your Anger, Guilt and Depression
Heal your Past and Shape Your Future
Make your life FEEL ALIVE!

Yes, in one short weekend, for one low price, you can Change your Life for the better -- guarenteed!

New Directions Weekend Workshops (in California)
"Getting to the HEART of the Matter."
www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com

I am Responsible

I Am Responsible...
------------------
for my life
for my happiness
for my health
for my relationships
for my well-being
for my self-discipline
for my intensity
for my aches and pains
for my drive
for my passion
for my money
for my experience
for bringing a child into the world
for people believing they can count on me, trust me
for my values
for my attire
for my outlook on life
for the example I set

I Am NOT Responsible...
----------------------
for other people's actions
for other people's reactions
for the weather
for whether my team wins or loses
for what my boss does/says
for other people's perceptions of me
for life and death

Castaways

"It seems I'm not alone in being alone.

A hundred million castaways searching for a home."

- Sting, Message in a Bottle

Secret

Secret = Fact + Shame

Remove the Shame, and the Secret becomes just another Fact.
Nasty, painful stuff happens to everyone. That's a fact.

The Shame part is optional.
And was probably given to you, by someone else.

Give it back.
Let it go.
Release the shame.

The things that happened to you as a child, were NOT your fault.
They are just Facts.

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

Feelings are Life!

Feelings are Natural.
Feelings are Normal.
Feelings are Good.

Feelings are our body’s way of communicating with us.
Feelings are God-given tools, to help us understand who we are and how we fit into the world around us.

Feelings are not debatable.
secret tip: you’ll never lose an arguement if you just stick to sharing what you Feel.

Feelings are Life!

Success Story

(true story, names are confidential)
Jane grew up in a violently dysfunctional household. Her father was an alcoholic and her mother an enabler. She felt small and powerless and unimportant, as they raged and fought and ignored Jane and her sisters.

Jane grew up, started dating and got married… but it didn't go well. Although at first he seemed ok, her husband became unreliable, drank more and more and eventually became angry and abusive… just like her Dad. Jane felt small and powerless and unimportant, as her husband's drinking became more important than Jane.

Jane came to New Directions, thru the advice of her therapist, and she got angry. She was livid. She got mad at her Dad for all his drinking caused, she got mad at her Mom for allowing his behaviour and making her fear more important than her kids, and she got mad at her husband for wasting away… she even got mad at herself for making bad choices and allowing her fears and powerlessness control her life.

Now Jane is much happier. She doesn't carry the repressed anger with her everyday. She makes clear, informed decisions, not based on her family or past, but on the situation in front of her. She has gotten stronger and was able to create closeness and boundaries in her marriage. She still has moments of doubt and insecurity, but she feels clearer and stronger than ever before.

Being "In Touch"

Benefits of being "in touch" with your feelings
- know who you are
- understand why you do what you do
- understand people better
- connect with people better
- get along better at work
- enjoy life more

- more in love
- more in touch
- more power
- more joy
- more laughter
- more Freedom
- lighter feeling
- braver

- less controlled, and controlling
- less angry
- less depressed
- more alive
- less blaming
- less Victim

- softer
- prouder
- stronger
- louder

- ok alone
- ok in a room full of people

- better motivated
- able to trust
- able to have more faith
- closer to God

- be there for others more and better
- make your own family
- feel better about your childhood
- learn your boundaries, and how to enforce them

down side
- feel pain deeper
- personal responsibility is a Drag sometimes
- know exactly who you're angry at, and why
- want to be around people more
- there are some things you won't want to know
- out of comfort zone more often
- often riskier
- you'll probably get hurt more, and notice it more
- you'll find that you want to be more honest with people
- small-talk is harder to swallow
- shallow relationships become less Ok
- we find that some of our friends and family are caustic and unhealthy for us
- … and we are compelled to do something about it

- feelings HURT so much, sometimes
- Anger is a bitch, sometimes
- Reality sucks, sometimes

- sometimes you'll feel even more alone, knowing that YOU are in control of your life… just you.
"If it's to be, it's up to me." - very true

Guilt vs. Shame

Guilt = you did a bad thing
Shame = you are a bad person

Both are other people's judgments of you. Carrying these judgments in your heart can be incredibly painful, or outright debilitating.

Remedy: GIVE THEM BACK to where they came

"No, I am NOT bad. That is YOUR judgment, not mine.

I refuse to carry your judgment any longer.