Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

Our Emotional Toolbox

When stuff is broken or tweaked or loose, we try to fix it, right? Well, first we notice that it needs attention. Once it gets irritating enough, we decide we are gonna do something about it. We go to our Physical Toolbox for the right tool to put the irritant back in working condition, so we can forget about it again.

In our toolbox, we have various tools that we use to help us change (fix) the things we want to work on.

In our Physical Toolbox, the one at home, or in your trunk, we probably have the following tools to help us get the job done...

Physical Toolbox
screwdrivers
hammer
pliers
wrenches
sockets
nails
duct tape (of course -- 1001 uses)
a level

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." - Abraham H. Maslow

Now, let's say something goes badly within your family. People aren't speaking to each other. There are nasty looks and long faces and the only communication is glaring, nasty looks. What do you do?

Dig into your Emotional Toolbox, of course.

Emotional Toolbox
Anger
Fear
Depression
Sadness
Personal Power
Self-Esteem

You've probably heard the phrase "Use the right tool for the job."

The cool part is that your emotional toolbox is Always with you. No matter where you go, or whom you are with, or what life throws at you… your emotional toolbox is there, ready to serve you at a moment's notice.

All the tools are completely FREE.
You can add to it (and subtract from it) anytime you wish
You are in total Control of your tools...they don't break, wear-out, rust or otherwise degrade over time

Being in control of our lives means we use what we know, to live the best way we can, and prepare for the future as best we can, so when the unexpected arises (and the expected, too), we have the right "tools" in our emotional toolbox to effectively manage whatever life throws us.

How do I get these Emotional Tools?
As a teenager, did you leave your original family with an emotional toolbox FULL of wonderful, joyous, effective tools that you can use in your daily life to make your life experience Light and Free and Easy?

Were you full of love and joy and confidence, able to handle your anger, disappointment, sadness and guilt quickly, completely and effectively?
Could you identify which feelings you were feeling, be able to increase the good ones, decrease the bad ones and understand the difference?
Could you get to the root of feelings to see where they originated? Why am I so angry? Where did this depression come from? Gosh, I'm sad today.
Were you able to tackle the adult world, with all your wits about you, standing up proud, deserving and Powerful?!?

yeah ... well ... me either.

I had a few emotional tools, fer sure, but they weren't the ones I wanted in there

My Old Emotional Tools
Avoidance
Denial
Blame
Resentment
Holding Grudges
Shut-down
Escapism

Powerful tools, indeed. And all put there, and carried for years, for good reasons. But certainly NOT the tools I wanted to carry forward into my adult life. It's kinda like carrying a spare tire, a dish rag, and a skateboard in my Physical Toolbox. Interesting tools I chose, and effective in few severe situations, but certainly not useful on a daily basis.

In short, I was a mess, emotionally.

So I set out to find a place where I could collect my own tools. My pain and my dissatisfaction brought me to a place where I had no idea where to turn for help. I'd been to therapy most of my life (my parents didn't understand the emotional tools either, so they didn't know WHAT to do with an emotional child). I'd tried stuff I'm not real proud of to deaden the pain, but that only works temporarily. I'd gone into relationships clueless and 'broken', and created disasters.

Luckily, a good friend named Sandra introduced me to a weekend workshop called "Understanding Yourself and Others" that started me on the path to enlightenment. I was able to DUMP some of my backed up Rage, Anger, Disappointment, Sadness, Guilt... the whole works... in a way that gave me Hope, Self-Esteem, Joy, Love and Pride. I learned to teach that workshop, and even met my wife Paula in instructor training! Then we branched off to do our own workshop, called it New Directions, and having been teaching, learning and living it ever since!

I found a way to enrich those tools, and practice using them in a safe place. I found/created a place where I would be accepted and encouraged and taught about the emotional tools that exist, how EASY THEY ARE ACQUIRE, and how much difference they can make in my life!

They're free, they work, and they are yours… if you just reach-out and ask for them.

We'll teach you about your feelings. We'll show you how they work, why they work, where they came from, and what to do with them. You'll get a chance to practice, too, in a loving, safe, encouraging environment the Promotes growth and love. People don't fail at New Directions… not ever. If you choose not to do something we ask you do, say "no, thank you.". If we try to take you places that aren't comfortable and are too big a stretch right now, no problem. opt-out.

Are you ready to make some big changes in your life.

Are you ready to:

Turn your Anger into Love,

your Sadness into Joy,

and your Depression into Personal Power?!?

NOW WHAT?!?

Stand-up and say "I am THROUGH Being a Victim!!!"

"and I am FINISHED Blaming Others… and Myself!"

I Choose to Feel Alive!!!

To Listen

One of the greatest lessons we learn in class is how to LISTEN.

... fully, completely, with our whole being ...

We have the experience of being able to TOTALLY give our attention, love, concern, support to another person. What an Awesome skill to have…

... to be a good listener
to be able to Be There for people, for your friends, for your family, for your kids. Wow.

That's something I want on my tombstone.

"He was a good listener."
yep.

Just for awhile, we can 'not matter', let go of all need for attention and ego strokes, let go of having to be right. Let go of needing to make a point, let go of any needs at all

… and just be there…

… Listening …

… and getting a tissue, or a glass of water
or letting someone vent
or holding them as they cry
or letting them bitch, moan and complain for awhile

... and just listenand do not judge
and do not condemn
and do not take sides
and just be << with >>

hold their hand if they are afraid
hold a pillow for them, or point them to the couch or the bed… where they can wail away on anyone or anything they so choose.
let them scream
let them cry
let them say whatever it is they need to say
to get it out
to get it ALL out

remember, we don't carry stuff around unless it's serving some purpose for us
we have to decide if the purpose is doing us good or harm.

Oh, and it doesn't ALL need to be said, but it all needs to be Released
the words don't really matter… it's the feeling. the emotion. the stress. the tension.
that's what needs to come out
and Let go of.

for Freedom to happen.
and feeling to return
and lightness to spread
and peacefulness to enjoy
and love to reemerge

'cause when we dump the bad, the good is right there, in hiding, waiting 'til it's safe to reappear.

~=;->

New Directions Breakthrough Workshop

"Let's Get to the Heart of the Problem."

Self-Processing

Ever thought "man, I hate it when I do that… I wonder why I do that?"

Wouldn't it be cool to figure out WHY we do what we do?

To get to the root of our problems, issues and stupid behaviours?

If we can get to the ROOT of ourselves, we can have amazing control over our lives.

To do this, we have to see what DRIVES the behaviour… what Feeling, or Belief, or Intended Outcome is subconsciously in place that Drives us to do "those crazy things we do."

I am calling it "Self Processing". and, in hanging around with New Directions graduates for the past 17 years, I have seen it work over and over again.

- - more to come on this thought - -

Nice Thought

Here's a thought that really gets me through my day…

every problem I have
and every frustration
and every toleration
and every irritation

can be used to help people better understand themselves.

If I feel and analyze and diagnose and research, all my issues... test them out in class... then sum them up into lessons to teach others, I can make a difference AND feel a LOT better about anything that might go wrong in my life. very cool.

If I can just ease into different, and sometimes difficult, situations, with these thoughts in mind, I don't fight it so much when things go astray. I am better able to relax into my daily struggles. If something breaks, and I gotta spend time and money to fix it, then there's a lesson there. I may have to squeeze in the time, or create the money… but those are both things I want to get better at anyway.

I try to welcome the challenge, rather than letting the outside environment Control my feelings, attitudes and behaviours. I want ot be in Control. If it seems kinda selfish and self-centered, it is -- I try to be as selfish as I can, 'cause I know what makes me happy... helping, encouraging, uplifting, sharing, connecting, loving. That's pretty much ALL I want to do... so I do these as much as possible, to make myself happy!

I've not reached nirvana, where I am bouncingly happy ALL the time… but I pretty much keep a darned good attitude about things in general, and most things individually.

Parents of teenagers and potential teenagers!

~ by Christine Helman
~ New Directions Graduate/Assistant

How many of you have heard people lament about their teenagers and then turn to you while you rock your cherub faced two year old and say, “Just wait!! – You’re time is coming!”

How many of you when faced with that little scenario reflected on your own teenage years and the mistakes you made and a cold shiver of panic coursed up your spine?

Just like the above scenario and the following question, I had to stop and consider, “What can I do differently NOW so that my kids do not have to stumble through adolescence as I did?”

WHAT can you do you ask? Let me share with you my story:

I am the product of a divorce. My parents split up when I was four years old and I grew up with an absentee father, so I feel I can speak to what it felt like as a young person, as well as my observations about the difference in my daughter and my son having been raised by both parents. The differences are phenomenal!

For anyone with daughters - - and this includes you dads! In fact, this is especially important for dads! - You’ve heard it said that little girls look to their father’s for their self-esteem, and that unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) they will choose men who are like their fathers. That is a wonderful concept, provided that the relationship with their fathers is close and emotionally gratifying. But if you are a man who is uncomfortable with demonstrative displays, and feels uncomfortable with hugs and showing emotions, please pay attention!

As a little girl my daughter was very affectionate. She still is today at 18, as a matter of fact. She adored her Daddy, as most little girls do and fortunately my husband was an involved parent. He played with the kids, he changed diapers, he fed them, he bathed them, and he took care of them when they were sick, but he was uncomfortable with hugs and snuggles. Part of this was due to the fact that his family was not the demonstrative sort. Part of it was his paranoia about appropriateness because I had been a victim of sexual molest as a child and when the kids were young we were both dealing with this issue as a couple.

One day, when my daughter was in grade school I watched my husband go rigid with fear as she hopped into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He patted her disingenuously, clearly uncomfortable with her unsolicited display of affection. Remembering how it felt growing up without my father, and the men in my life with whom I had sought such attention, I walked over to him and touched him on the shoulder. Crooking an eyebrow at him I said, “Michael, you better hug and kiss that little girl, or she will find a boy some day that WILL hug and kiss her!” Fortunately, he was open to suggestion and to change, and he took my warning to heart.

All too often I have heard about or witnessed the daughters of my peers at church and at work, as well as some of my closest friends, struggle with their sons and daughters as they entered their pre-teens and teen years. Worried that my daughter would repeat many of the same mistakes I made as an adolescent, I began to pay close attention. I wanted to figure out what my husband and I could do to empower our children, more especially our daughter, to instill in her a sense of belonging and a sense of self-love and respect so that she would make different choices than I had. I found that even in our church where family values are given a high priority and fathers take on an active role as co-parent, I began to be able to distinguish which girls had close relationships with their parents, especially their fathers, and which girls did NOT. Those girls who did NOT have open communication with their parents and healthy relationships with both parents, especially their fathers, tended to be interested in boys and dating at a younger age. Those outside the church, and even some within the church, became sexually active at an earlier age; many of them falling prey to predators – like older boys or men who target young, needy girls, or hormonal teenage boys who are interested in self-gratification and as a result throw around the word “love” in order to manipulate and satisfy their urges.

I observed that the girls who had fathers who took a strong and active role in their life, and girls who could talk openly to both parents tended to prolong sexual activity, were better students, and had a better sense of “self” than their more unfortunate counterparts. Another contributing factor was helping them to find a hobby or an extra curricular activity such as sports, or in my daughter’s case - - Her horses. We have often said in jest to our friends that if they wanted their daughters to stay away from boys, buy her a horse! But any activity that your son or daughter is passionate about will allow them an outlet. It’s one of the best drug prevention tools, as well.

Perhaps you have a son, and the daughter scenario does not apply. The rules apply to both genders. Healthy male role models who can access their emotions, who are not bound by societal stereotypes help to produce emotionally healthy young men and subsequently will grow up to be better husbands and fathers. I have seen many young men who reach adolescence and appear too grown up for hugs. This was the case with my son. The mistake many moms make is backing off. My son went through a period when he hit high school where he would no longer hug me. He would ALLOW me to hug HIM and pretend not to like it. I was careful not to disregard his personal space but I continued to hug him in spite of his apparent discomfort, but not in a manner that was inappropriate - - like when dropping him off at football practice. If we were in public I would make sure to tell him, “I love you, son!” before he got out of the car. At home, I continued to hug him or walk by and kiss him on top of the head while he was engrossed in a video game because I knew that boys needed hugs and kisses too! - and not just from their moms, they need them from their father’s as well! Today, my son is 19 and in college and because of my efforts he now hugs me again just like he did when he was a little boy! If I had stopped hugging him, I doubt if he would have come full circle and sought me out for affection. But it’s not just about hugs and kisses. Both can be empty if your heart is not in it.

In today’s society, 60% of marriages end in divorce. This means that 60% of the children in our society are being raised by in one parent families; some of them are being raised by their fathers. I do not envy the task of single parents. I lived that life and remember all too well the angst I felt at not having an intact family. Single parents must wear two hats: father and mother. In some instances Dad and Mom work together despite living apart, but in far too many cases parents use their kids as pawns to punish each other. It has been my observation that when this is the case, there is unresolved anger and betrayal on the part of one or both parents. Unfortunately, it is the kids who suffer.

In my opinion, in cases of divorce it is ESPECIALLY important to analyze your emotional IQ and to learn to parent effectively and more positively. However, it is just as important in an intact family situation.

How do you keep your teenagers from making the mistakes you made as a teenager? How do you keep your daughters from searching after DADDY LOVE at 15? How do you teach your son to be comfortable with emotion? How do you learn to be both mother and father when raising kids alone? By becoming intimate with your own emotions, by learning to feel and to become aware of your own behaviors, and by learning how to reprogram all the negative messages within in you that you picked up as a child.

Who says big boys don’t cry? - Why don’t they cry? Who wrote that law? Who says boys don’t need hugs when they grow facial hair?

Hugs and kisses are needed and they are needed early, but they go hand in hand with communication. If we are not comfortable with expressing ourselves, our children will not learn to effectively communicate their needs to us, to their teachers in school, and to their friends, and later in life when they begin to date. If we are not cognizant of our feelings and HOW they work within us as emotional cues - sometimes warnings and sometimes reassurance that we are on the right path - we cannot raise children who are open and able to make healthy emotional choices when THEY choose a mate.

How do you learn about feelings? What book can you read? Well, unfortunately, book learning will only take you so far. I have learned that it is important to engage both your logic AND your feelings when learning healthy communication. I have also noticed that the meaning of the word COMMUNICATION is not just a verbal expression of one’s thoughts. Communication is also physiological. I am a medical transcriptionist and so anatomy and physiology are concepts that are not foreign to me. What is physiology? Physiology is the science concerned with the normal vital processes of animal and vegetable organisms, especially as to how things normally function in the living organism rather than to their anatomical structure, their biochemical composition, or how they are affected by drugs or disease.

Stay with me folks. . . I know this may be a foreign concept, but physiology truly does apply within the realm of communication! Every day our bodies communicate with us. Our brains secrete hormones produced by emotional states, and different emotions FEEL differently within our system. When you are afraid, what happens inside your body? What sensation do you feel? When you are angry, what happens inside your body? What sensation do you feel? Are you aware there IS a difference between anger and fear? When you are sad what happens inside your body? What sensation do you feel? What about depression? Are you aware that there is a difference between sadness and depression?

All of these, including, love and joy, are FEELINGS and ALL OF THEM work with your body to communicate very important lessons! Learning what your feelings are and the purpose they serve is important to communicate positive and negative emotions – both of which serve very distinct and important purposes. Being able to access all of our emotions and master them will better prepare you to raise healthy, grounded children, and in the process YOU will find more inner peace and have healthier relationships with your children, your spouse, your families, and your friends and coworkers.

Are you wondering yet where you can learn all of this? All of these concepts can be made available and taught to you through a weekend workshop called “New Directions.”

Through this workshop you are taught to sort out your feelings and identify them separately, as well as learning their purpose and how they serve your body or learn about their PHYSIOLOGY.

With the tools that my husband and I learned 10 years ago in this program, we have been able to change our parenting style and learn to communicate in healthier ways. As a consequence, we have found that we have raised two very grounded and emotionally healthy children who will carry these concepts out into the world with them and use them to create the same closeness in their relationships.

If you have children, this course is essential! Do it now! Even if you are suffering through the throws of adolescent angst it’s not too late to make a difference, to heal yourself and heal your relationships!

For more information on the New Directions work shop or for a family counselor who has embraced these concepts click on the links to NEW DIRECTIONS or FAMILY COMMUNICATION CENTER.

Control your Feelings, Control your Life.

Control your Feelings, Control your Life!

The key is to learn about your FEELINGS

"If you know what you feel, you'll know who you are!"
- Doc Downing, PhD, MSW, LMFT

We teach a weekend intensive workshop called New Directions... been teaching it now for over 17 years. 4 states, hundreds of classes, thousands of folks.

New Directions changes lives.

I can honestly say now that we can Drastically improve people's life experience.

We help people FEEL better, about themselves, their relationships, their experience and their lives.

Feelings and Emotions are the Key
We help people FEEL
We show them that it's OK TO FEEL.
We teach people HOW TO FEEL.
People find that they CAN FEEL.
We let them EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS (in safe ways)

By dealing with Feelings:
we show people that they have Personal Power and strength, far more than they had ever imagined.
we show people how to safely and sanely experience their Anger, to get to know it and get it under control.
we calm people's Fears, as fear is a warning, not necessarily a stopper.
we hold people as they cry, for Sadness must be felt, accepted and released.
we hold a pillow as Rage and Violation and Abuse are experienced, rejected and expelled.
we attack our Depression with Anger, as our bodies can stand it no longer.

we teach that Feelings are a natural, God-given gift to treasure and explore.

"When Feelings are expressed as intensely as they are felt, they can lessen and are free to change."
- Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT

We let people FEEL, whatever it is they most need to FEEL.
We love and accept, support and encourage, hug and hold, laugh and cry.
We cheer and we dance and we lift people up
We celebrate and encourage, nudge and support, challenge and reward.

The work is hard, but the rewards are many.

As natural as going to the bathroom, our bodies have Feelings that need to be released. In our childhood, we learn to suppress our feelings, judge them, "socialize them", squash them. As adults, our challenge is to HEAL the old pains and angers that are left inside us. We must dig down and find the 'stuff' inside us that eats away at us, and taints our current lives.

"To repress a feeling is to give it unlimited power."
- Doc Downing (again). Doc is our mentor, he's right on and he's taught us plenty!

"Dealing With" Feelings
1. Find the feelings inside you
2. Identify what you feel
3. Accept your feelings
4. Express feelings in productive ways
5. Let go of negative experiences
6. Fill back up with beliefs, values and feelings of your choice

Learn how to FIND the feelings that are left unexpressed inside you
Learn to IDENTIFY your feelings, separate them, acknowledge them ACCEPT that your feelings tell you who we really are.
Learn to EXPRESS big feelings in positive, acceptable, empowering, relationship-building ways.
See how it feels to LET GO of negative, yucky, stuck feelings.
FILL BACK UP with the positive, enthusiastic, powerful, Loving feelings of your choice!

When we "deal with our Feelings", the results are outstanding.

... and life-changing.

... and wonderful!

We love people enough to show that, yes in just one short weekend, they can feel what it feels like to be Totally Alive -- laughing, crying, yelling, empowering, holding... and still feel Ok.

After their weekend, people never quite go back to the place they were before class. They have seen, felt and experienced their feelings to such a degree, that they never again feel quite so limited.

"A mind stretched by a new idea, never retracts to it's original state."
- Oliver Wendall Holmes

... same goes with Feelings. Once you have delved into your deepest wells, you will always know they are there and how to access them. It's incredible, really.

Come to New Directions for a weekend. Let us show you that there is another way to experience life.

We have been doing these workshops for so long now, that teens have come, learned new concepts, left their parents, got married, became parents, and now they are sending THEIR kids to class! They know the concepts work and it's been proving it now for a long, long time.

... on our terms feeling what we WANT TO FEEL
choosing from our full box of Emotional Tools, at the right time, in the appropriate fashion, with the best energy.

Where else are you gonna learn this stuff -- in the school of hard knocks, right? Sadly, some people never learn it at all. Some people go thru their whole lives pissed off at their parents, or a victim of their fears and their anger, "trying" to be someone they're not. It's so easy to get stuck there, in unexpressed childhood grievances and despair, alone and powerless, hopeless and 'stuck'.

We don't have to stay down.

Not any more.

We can learn what we need to learn, express what we need to express, and say what we need to say and ... WHAM! We AUTOMATICALLY go back to feeling Lightness and Freedom and Love and Joy.

The concept of the class is that we are born with everything we need to be happy. Watch babies and little kids... they feel what they feel, as intensely as they feel it. They might cry and scream, but as soon as they are done, they are done. They don't hold onto past hurts and angers, they release them quickly and completely.

As we grow up, however, we are sociallized to NOT feel what we are feeling. We are shut down and contained and punished for expressing emotions. We learn to stuff, and deny, and cut off our feelings, as feelings are consciously or unconsciously labelled as "bad".

But we are not alone.

Not any more.

There are others willing and able to help.

There are no excuses any more not to rise above it all and live our lives happy and free, no matter what the world throws at us.

FORGIVENESS
New Directions graduates aren't perfect, only forgiven... by themselves.

(... and they are a damned site more fun to be around then their shut-down, out-of-touch, whining, victimized, blaming counterparts.)

We have more Fun!
We laugh more often.
We love more than most.
We are friendly and kind.
We are open and supportive.

Our emotional toolbox is full and we know we have lots of choices.
We can choose what we feel, and when, and at what intensity.

We are responsible for ourselves - our lives, our feelings, our behaviours, our attitudes and our beliefs.
We know we have choices and we are personally responsible for our actions.
We know ourselves, we accept ourselves and we like ourselves.

We choose to feel power.
We choose to accept.
We choose to empower.
We love our freedom to choose.

We are Alive!

Join us. Your life will FEEL BETTER, from now on... we guarentee it.

"If it's to be, it's up to me."

- lament of those stuck in control, unable to obtain cooperation.

however, it's also TRUE. It's called Personal Responsibility… and it really works!

The happiest people I know are those who feel they have the power to make a difference in EVERY area of their lives. Not unrealistic, unachievable control, but the power to make a difference, at least inside themselves.

There are a lot of things we do NOT have the power to control -- some taxes, some gov't, other peoples' behaviours -- but at the very least, we do have the power to control our Attitude about those things. Even if the things themselves are out of our control, we can choose to feel better about some things, or care less about some things that hurt, or even choose NOT to be afraid.

example1: There isn't a darned thing I can do to stop a terrorist, if they plan out an anonymous, lethal attack on me (like the 911 victims). I cannot do anything about it, and I REFUSE to live in daily fear of that totally random attack happening. They want to make it miserable for us… and I will not relent to that.

example2: A guy in town doesn't like me. We had a disagreement a year or so ago over $50. He did some work for us, climbing and trimming some huge redwoods. I said I thought it was $250, he said he thought it was more like $350. I said how about we settle at $300. He said Fine, whatever. He had agreed, but he was pissed… still is. I've tried to reconcile since then, but he wouldn't allow it… so what do I do? I used to let it eat me up, knowing that I had failed to please someone and therefore felt shame, guilt and embarrassment. But these thoughts and beliefs are clearly MY problem -- which is a wonderful thing -- 'cause that means it's also MY Choice.

I choose to NOT feel shame and guilt.
I choose to believe that his anger is his, to do with as he pleases, and means little or nothing about me personally.
I choose to know that many people do like me, and some even love me (!), so I don't have to feel the terribly painful feelings I felt growing up.
I am free to think, and believe, and feel whatever I wish.

Nobody can tell me how I can and can't feel.
No one has control of that area of my life, but me.
It is my Personal Responsibility to make my life look, and more importantly, Feel the way I want it to.

"I love my boundaries, they set me free!"

Disarming the Critical Voices

Disarming the Critical Voices
Carrol says "some questions to ponder, what's the purpose I listen to the critical voice? What's the role of reinforcing? And how do I reinforce my critical voice?"

... I like the question: How do I reinforce my critical voice? should create great insights into who we are and what we've become, unconsciously.

I believe that some of the voices are MY voice and some are not. Having taken over from my parents, I learned to 'parent' myself with some of the same words, beliefs, criticisms and judgments that they have/had. Some are totally unconscious... but if I sit quietly and listen, I find that some of the hub-bub IS my voice talking to me.

That can make it even harder to fight. I guess I believe that if it is I, telling myself something important, that must be my 'truth' and highest knowing (which it is clearly Not).

Differentiating may be a key here, too.

like differentiating between whether something is My stuff, or someone else's stuff.

- Is it my voice?
- Do I agree with it?
- How do I reinfoce it and keep it alive within myself?
- What positive thing can I learn from that voice?
if there was not good, we wouldn't continue it.
- Learn the lesson it is there to teach
figure out to create that in your life
- Do we agree, or not?
if so, make it a more positive lesson, kinder, gentler, nicer
if not, become UnWilling to carry it any more
get Angry at it. fight it. beat it. reject it (verbally and emotionally)
(note: you don't have to Reject the entire person... but you need to STRONGLY object to the judgment, disbelief or expectation)
use your Anger tools to KICK IT OUT!

Remember, feelings expressed verbally, as intensely as they are felt, can be released and are free to change!

Places I've been...

Places I've been... (in red below)

States
- many trips back and forth across the country. I've lived in 7 dif. states, been to schools in 6 and taught in 4.

create your own visited states map

Countries
- most travelling was before high school, as my Dad was in the Air Force. Some as an adult (like New Zealand, my favorite!) Would like to see South America and some of Russia, where my ancestors are from.

create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide