Emotional Intelligence 101: Taming the Beast Within!

A collection of quotes about Improving Our Lives

A collection of quotes about how we can change lives...

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"There is more to life than increasing its speed."

- Mahatma Gandhi
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"We cannot always control what goes on Outside.
but we can control what goes on Inside."

- Wayne Dyer
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"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide
how anybody or anything outside us will affect us."

- Stephen Covey
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"What a distressing contrast there is between the
radiant intelligence of the child
and the feeble mentality of the average adult."

- Sigmund Freud
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"We often spend so much time coping with problems
that we only have a dim or even inaccurate view of
what's really important to us."

- Peter Senge
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"We add to our own pain and suffering by being overly sensitive,
over-reacting to minor things, and taking things too personally."

- His Holiness, the Dalai Lama
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"Emotional intelligence (EQ), can matter as much as IQ
in determining a person's well-being and effectiveness in life."

- Dr. Claude Steiner
"Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart" (free online book)
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"A level of mental health is directly related to
our sense of Belonging."

- Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs
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"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is akind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."

- Albert Einstein
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"Whether you think you can,
or that you can't,
you are probably Right."

- Henry Ford

"... and sometimes being Wrong is a wonderful thing!"
- mcp
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Learn, Unlearn and Re-learn

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."

- Alvin Toffler

Let's Be Friends

Let's Be Friends
- by mcp

I don't need you to "make" it nice for me.
I am not depending on you for entertainment or love or validation.
I can create those feelings when I need them.

I need you to "keep" it nice with me.
I will be nice, and fun, and as light as I can.
I need you to help me keep it from getting heavy, and painful, and a drag.

… then we can both feel safe, and loved.

Deal?

4 Important Steps to Taking Control

4 Important Steps to Taking Control of Your Life...

1. Accept Personal Responsibility

Doc says "Everything is our fault, if we're lucky." because that means we can change it!

If my life, and my feelings, and my reactions are all things within my control, then they are my responsibility. I am in charge of so much of my life experience. I have Choices, and I have the strength to stand by the choices I choose. I can Blame if I want to, but I also know that won't help and I give up my power that way. So I choose to take Personal Responsibility for everything I do, all my feelings and beliefs and values and actions, that thus, I have TOTAL control over my life.

2. Increase your Emotional Intelligence

Learn the 3 basic steps that put you in charge of your Feelings and Emotions:

Know what you feel - identification (that's hurt, not anger)

Accept your feelings - because your feelings tell you who you are and what matters to you!

Learn to express your feelings in productive ways - when we have feelings, we need to release them, but ONLY in productive, safe, relationship-building ways. (it's like going to the bathroom... when you gotta go, you gotta go... well, when you gotta cry, you gotta cry... and when you gotta scream, let your body do it (but not at anybody!)

3. Find your Personal Power

We have the Power to face our Fears, and make our lives Look, and more importantly Feel, the way we want them to!

How brave are you, emotionally? How many of your fears are controlling your life... you know, those quiet little voice that says "oh no yikes, warning - out of comfort zone." So you miss a perfect chance to speak up or you silently decide to not go to that party, you just quietly change the direct of your life to avoid some thing or someone? If we understand ourselves, we understand what we are Actually afraid of, we have faced our fears Head On --- and WON --- that gives us Courage, and Pride, and a sense of control like no other. We are encouraged to try again. We can face more and more of our fears as we go. Imagine not being afraid of hardly Anything. We have to know our limits, physically and mentally, but we also need to know that our limits are WAY PAST where we thought they might be. Courage begets courage. We can have the strength, the courage and the Power to make our lives look and feel EXACTLY how we want to!! It's inside you, you just gotta find it! Rock on!

4. Be Nice

"Be Nice, and keep on being nice... until it's time to not be nice"
- Patrick Swayze's character as a bouncer in the movie "Roadhouse".

Love IS the answer, so let's choose to be open and loving and nice. It's an Attitude, really. And a Life-Style. I have my boundaries and my anger and my personal power, should I need them to protect myself... not wimpy or weak or getting walked on, but strong and proud and brave ... so I choose to be open and loving and Nice, until it's time to not be nice.

Maturity

Confidence + Humility = Maturity

Come to the Edge

"Come to the edge" he said.
"We can't, we are afraid".

"Come to the edge" he said.
"We dare not, we shall certainly fall".

"Come to the edge" he said.
And they came.

And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Apollinaire

An EQ Quiz

Matt's EQ Quiz
Answer these questions to test your emotional well-being. You don't have to write down the answers... just read the question and experience your feelings and emotions. Let them flow thru you... watch your thoughts go by... learn about yourself

Dare to explore your feelings… harnessing your feelings and getting them under control is the Key to Happiness and Freedom!

1. You get a huge compliment from your boss, completely unexpected!
- What's the first thing that goes thru your mind?

2. A loved one hurts your feelings. They were mad at the time and said some mean things. And they stung.
- How do you handle it?
- How do you punish them?
- How do you Let Go of the pain?
- How long 'til you forgive?

3. You're going for a goal. You have your heart set on it and you give it your all. You try the very best you know how... but alas, it doesn't work out the way you had it pictured. Not at all.
- How do you handle that, in your heart?
- What do you say to yourself, in your head?
- Does it make you more Motivated and Bold and Courageous the next time, or more Reserved and Cautious and Fearful?

4. You see your friend do something you would Never do. They don't know you saw them do it.
- Now what?
- Would you tend to confront them, talk to them about it to get things cleared up between you... or quietly withdraw from them, never to mention the subject again?
- Would you forgive?

5. You're sound asleep. The phone rings and wakes you. You fumble to answer it as fast you can, as it must be something Urgent at this time of night! It's a wrong number.
- How do you feel towards this person?
- What do you say to that person?
- Are you Ok with the amount of energy you put on that event?

6. A person close to you tragically and suddenly passes away in the night.
- How do you react?
- What's the life lesson here?
- Are you living it?

7. You win the lottery. $2 Million dollars, free and clear.
- What do you do with the cash?
- What do you do with all the new attention you get?
- How do you make sure you don't just BLOW it, as so many do?

8. Your buddies want you to go fishing with them. It's a beautiful day and they're begging you to join them, but you've got something important to do at work that you believe needs to get done.
- What do you do?
- What do you do with your feelings?
- What goes thru your mind?

9. He looks at another woman, and watches her go by.
- What's your first thought?
- Are you as confident as you want to be, when it comes to him?
- What do you conclude about yourself?

10. Your wife says "I want to talk about us".
- What goes thru your mind?
- Will you try to avoid this talk, or embrace the chance, or something in between?
- What will be your Attitude when you start this conversation?

MORE INFO on Feelings and Emotions

MORE INFO
I just came across a wonderful psychotherapist, Dr. Claude Steiner, who has done much work in Emotional Literacy. We call it Emotional Intelligence, but it's VERY much the same concepts that we teach at the New Directions Weekend Workshop.

At minimum, please read this short, amusing children's story, which makes a VERY good point about giving out Warm Fuzzies freely and openly.

Next, feel the Positive and Negative Strokes (i.e. - Warm Fuzzies and Cold Prickles).

and, to top it off, Dr. Steiner has published his ENTIRE books to read online. They are right up our alley.

please try it...
Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart

The Other Side of Power

Healing Alcoholism

Great Stuff!!

Enjoy!
- Matt

MORE LESSONS TO LEARN, Apparently!

MORE LESSONS TO LEARN
Apparently we have more lessons to learn...

All I can figure is that our lives have been painful and hard so far, and they will continue to be such until we HAVE learned what we are supposed to learn about the stuff we are SUPPOSED TO learn.

It's a simple as that. If it's not going the way we want, or it doesn't feel the way we want it to feel, then we have more work to do. It's called Personal Responsibility, and it's the Key to a powerful, directed, responsible life.

The types of lessons, and the severity of the lesson may not be up to us... and the sooner we settle into the pain / lesson / growth part of it all, the easier the ride will be.

I guess...

We go Looking for JOY, and Love, and Happiness. We smile and laugh and hug and skip. And cry and grieve and scream sometimes.

We find Joy in every thing we can. And for those things that are mean, negative or foul, we learn to shield ourselves, armed and protected... and go back to finding Joy.

Maybe that's the best advice I can give, is to learn how to Close up.

Learn to open up... and learn to close up, too.
Not everyone is safe, and not all are loving.
there are mean-spirited out there looking for people, victims, to hurt and teardown.
sorry.

So, if you are continually being lambasted, while wearing your heart on your sleeve, then it's time to learn some protection techniques. Some of us are sensitive men & women, and we get our feelings hurt, a LOT. It's easy to blame and whine, but the reality is that we have to grow up and learn to fend for ourselves.

NEW RESOLVE
I am not willing to give up my Joy of Living, for anyone, any more.

I will no longer allow a woman, or anyone else for that matter, have that much power of me, that their treatment of me, or opinion of me, or relationship with me, will be more important, or supercede, any JOYFUL relationship I have with Myself and My Life!

- matt

... here goes ...

... here goes ...