Emotional Intelligence 101: Get a Clue - Get a Grip - Get a Life!

Inspired Living

Together, as Americans, let's create the emotional support network to teach the world that EQ > IQ. Will you help?

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project,
all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations,
your consciousness expands in every direction,
and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself
to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

- Patanjali

EQ > IQ !!

that's it!
that's what I want to say to the world...

EQ > IQ !!

High IQ is cool.
High EQ is better.

Feelings are more important than thoughts.
Feelings are us.
Feelings can and will have more effect on our life.
We are our Feelings.

And we can actually Make ourselves Smarter about our feelings...
... that will effect us every second and every minute of every day.

they ain't that difficult or complicated.  (they can seem really Huge, when we don't understand ourselves, and what's happenin' inside us), but in reality, our Feelings are pretty simple, and easy to understand.  There's only about 10 of 'em to master.
They're simple and they can be fun (most things we do are Fun -- in fact, that's the point!)

High IQ is great (if you were lucky enough to be born with it... I wasn't)
but High EQ is better.

High EQ I can do something about.
High EQ makes me Aware... and Alert... and Confident... and Sure.
and THAT's a wonderful feeling!

My EQ keeps me Passionate about life, gets me up in the morning, and late at night.
My EQ brings tons of Love and Joy into my life.
My EQ makes my life worth living.

With High EQ, I can succeed.  without it, I am clueless.
I can Make things happen, and I can Let things happen. 
(and the wisdom to know the difference)

I can be super Strong to push myself, and lead others, and I can be super Soft, and cry, and hold you as you release.

bottom line: I can control me, and I can control my life.

and above all, I can control my Attitude.

"Attitude is Everything"
 - Dr. Phil

so, yes, that's my point.

EQ > IQ.    period.

I would rather be aware than smart.

IQ is about knowing stuff outside of me.
EQ is about knowing Me.

Propaganda

T-shirts for us, not them.

I'd like to make "stuff" - T-shirts, cups, pens, etc - with some cool sayings we have.

• EQ > IQ

• Feelings are Good!
• Guilt is Optional.
• Anger is second. What do you really feel?
• Don't Eat That, find something better.
• It's OK to have Boundaries.
• I am not a Control Freak.
• FEAR is Ok. Keep Going…
• This Too Shall Pass!
• Hang in there.  You're stronger than you think!

The terrorists are winning...

Our country is a mess.

People feel alone.
People feel afraid.
People feel powerless.

Suicide rates are up.
The economy is bad, and getting worse.
People are really hurting.

But, I believe we can do something about it.

In general, we Americans are fairly clueless about how to handle, and manage, our Feelings & Emotions, yet...

Emotional Intelligence is the #1 key to Happiness, Sanity and Success in Life!

No American Left Behind!

As Americans, we already Belong.
As Americans, we're already on the same Team.
As Americans, we already have a duty to Help each other.

yet we don't trust,
and we don't even know How to Trust,
consciously, cautiously, yet powerfully.

and that makes us alone, and separate, and small.

and that's what the terrorists want... terror.
and anxiety.
and fear.
and loathing.

Together, we are strong!

Let's create a place where we are NOT alone!
Let’s create a place where we all work together to make OURSELVES as strong as we can be!
Let's create the safest, most accessible, most loving Emotional Support Network ever created.

Let's build a network of Americans. Connect those who need 2GetHelp with those willing and able 2GiveHelp.

Let's make a place where we can call, or write, or chat, or email, WHENEVER we need to, 24x7x365.

Pain knows no hours.
Most suicides happen at night.
What if there's a place where we're never alone, ever again.

- Let's design a place where people can have everything they need to feel, to heal, and to squeel! From personal reflections and journalling, to buddy lists and connecting with other members, to parties and outings to meet in real life,
- a place where we can be real, and let our gaurd down, and openly love other people (and ourselves).
- a place where we can get as much help as we need; from newbie listeners, to experienced counselors, to professional therapists, life coaches, and psychiatrists.

what do you need?
a friend to care
a kind, listening ear
a open, loving heart
or diagnosis and treatment for a disorder

Someone will be there, WHENever they're needed and WHEREver they're needed:
- On-Line
- By-Phone
- In-Person (where possible)

In-Person
The 2GetHelp Wellness Center already offers individual and group psychotherapy, trainings, and classes. We're expanding to add massage therapy, a nutritionist, and soon, a chiropractor. This first center will serve as a pilot, the franchise model for a nationwide network of centers, providing a safe, effective, therapeutic environment for those in need. The Center is currently self-sustaining, and it will be designed to be both profitable and reproducible.

On-Line
Next, we'll design and build 2GetHelp,com, the core of the on-line offerings. 2GetHelp will be a portal to network together the diverse needs of those in pain, with resources, personal journalling and blogging, ability to connect with fellow members and professional caregivers, volunteer opportunities
training
guidance
belonging
hope
encouragement
togetherness
education
skills
personal power
strength
acceptance
freedom
serenity

2GiveHelp.com will offer:
networking
clients
financial freedom
togetherness
direction
belonging
making a difference
empowerment
success

By-Phone
We'll build the most complete global network of counselors, coaches and therapists ever assembled. Available to those in need 24x7x365. Some for free, pros charge a fee.

Please help us make this happen.

Let's leave No American Left Behind!

Let's build the safest, most effective Emotional Support Network ever created!

10 Premises to Changing the World
1. Emotional Intelligence is the key to happiness, sanity and success in life. (EQ > IQ)
2. We all have 100% control over our choices in what we feel, and how we view the world.
3. It's more fun if we do this life thing Together.
4. True emotional support is about being there for people, when and where they need it (24x7x365).
5. Everyone has something they can pitch in to help out.
6. Feelings and Emotions are a good thing, not a bad thing.
7. Every Behaviour is based on a Feeling (or 2 or 12).
8. Every Feeling is based on what things Mean to us or about us.
9. Personal Responsibility is a crucial ingredient.
10. Awareness is the first key to change. (Most of this EQ stuff is very simple, although it ain't always easy.)

So, let's design and build the most powerful, and effective, emotional support site ever created! One that covers all means of reaching people: On-line, In-Person and By-Phone.

On-Line
2GetHelp.com will be a very low cost, family-oriented membership site, offering a huge range of emotional training, guidance and support services for free, and more professional work for a fee.

2GiveHelp.com will be a networking site for both volunteers and pros to offer their services for those in need on 2GetHelp.com.

2SellHelp.com will be a place where affiliate and network marketers can make money by introducing their folks to our support network.

In-Person
2GetHelp Wellness Centers will be a nationwide chain/franchise of in-person, brick-and-mortar mental health and wellness facilities offering person-to-person therapy, coaching, massage, nutrition, chiropractic, and other body/mind/heart-based services.

2GetHelp Training Centers will include classes and workshops, as well as a computer lab available for people to get on-line to our other sites.

By-Phone
2GetHelp Call Centers will have 24x7 telephone support, including therapy, coaching, guidance, emergency services, and general TLC for whoever needs it, again both free and for a fee. Therapy laws are setup per state, so we'll probably need at least one Call center per state.

What we need to make this happen, soon... I am getting ready to take another computer consulting job, in another town, for the next 6 months. If I do that, this whole project will be put on hold for some time.

Therefore, I need our non-profit to be able to hire me to create, design and oversee the building of this site, with some funds available to hire outside contractors, get a phone & computer network network in place, and purchase software and equipment to make this all happen. Initial expenses will include: salaries, project & content design, web and office build-out, shopping cart/membership site setup (including affiliate tracking tools, integrated learning environment (ILE), etc.

Here's the plan:
a. research the concept
b. create the design
c. build the network
d. try it, test it, and tweak it
e. make a big splash: rollout and ramp-up
f. teach the world about EI: kickin' butt from here on...

To do it right, it will take $250-$333K for the next 6 months. Then, around April 2009, we'll need another influx of $3.0M in capital to get us off and running. After that, we will be able to survive and grow using internally-generated funds from operations. That's the top... $3.3Million. (I have a 3.3 club for people who have joined me in my pledge to personally earn $3.3m, together, then we give the rest away.)

I will be applying to foundations, and for grants, but it's getting late, and the need is INCREASING daily, with all the uncertainty in the economy and threats from abroad.

Write to me if you have ideas on how we can pull this off, together.
Thanks much.
- Matt

Feelings are a Good Thing!

"Character isn’t inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains."

- Helen Douglas

"Too often we underestimate how quickly our feelings are going to change because we underestimate our ability to change them."

- David Gilbert

Attain new levels of self-acceptance and personal responsibility!

Giving is the key!

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

Believe in Yourself

“We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves.”

- Orison Swett Marden

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

- e. e. cummings

If we don't believe in ourselves, chances are no one else is going to, either. You first.

Feelings are the Key!

Helping you understand how emotions have a direct and profound effect on how well you perform on the job and in life, this book presents great techniques to advance emotional self-awareness and tips on building self-esteem and confidence.

- By Jeff Feldman and Karl Mulle (Books24x7)

Put Emotional Intelligence to Work: Equip Yourself for Success

Waving Wednesday

The #1 easiest way to bring a smile to someone's face, with the least effort from you, is to WAVE to them. Yes, just smile a bit and move your hand back and forth, and PRESTO! you could make someone's day.

So, it's Waving Wednesday.
Wave to someone you don't know.

Everyone wins.

Caring for Ourselves, first

When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be towards others.

- Eda LeShan

Anything good for you brings out the best in you and does not force you to make believe you are something you are not.

- Alan Cohen

When you are inspired by some great purpose,some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

- Patanjali

Here is my wish for you and every other child, woman, and man on the face of the earth: Spend one week saying only kind, caring things to yourself. Say thank you at least ten times an hour, direct five toward yourself and five to the world at large. Compliment yourself (and others) each time an effort is made. Notice all the wonderful qualities and characteristics about yourself and those around you. One week. You will never go back. And your whole life will be a glorious meditation.

- Cheri Huber

Anger Management Skills That Work

Anger issues affect individuals from childhood to adulthood, and it is necessary to teach anger management skills that work for every age group.

One skill that tends to help people deal with negative emotions is acupressure....

Adopting positive anger management skills might involve keeping a journal....

Removing yourself from a threatening situation might eliminate the problem....

Adopting anger management skills that work is definitely an essential step when striving to cope with feelings of rage and anger.

read on...

Get High on Happiness

'Knowing Thyself’ Can Lead to Happiness

Powerful tools to a joyous life are being in touch with your inner self, God, and spirituality.

Imagine you bought a new car and after six months it starts to get very sluggish. You take it to the mechanic and he recommends a good wash and wax.

“What? Are you crazy? There’s an internal problem,” you say.

“Okay,” he says, “how about putting on some of those fancy rims?”

Believe it or not, this is what we do with something even more precious than a new car. When people are feeling negative, sad, or unresourceful, they often opt for an easy superficial solution that is more of a distraction than a cure. Go to a movie, have a drink, eat some ice cream. Sleep.

These band aids don’t address the core issue. The reason why we opt for them is because we really aren’t used to delving into our insides. If you are able to get in touch with what’s on the inside, it’s a very useful thing to do.

read on...

Understanding Emotions Improves Our Food Choices

Pictures Of Hot Fudge Sundaes Arouse Emotions!

Authors Blair Kidwell, David M. Hardesty, and Terry L. Childers (all University of Kentucky) examined the "emotional intelligence" of consumers, including obese people. They found that people who made the healthiest choices had high correlations between their emotional intelligence and confidence in their emotional intelligence—what the authors call "emotional calibration."

"Faced with choices between healthy and unhealthy food options, individuals who are confident that they can appropriately interpret and employ their emotions, but who do not actually possess these emotional abilities, are likely to make low-quality decisions."

read article in Science Daily.

Who uses Emotional Intelligence in Business?

The answer … we all do!

Our emotions help us to adapt and make sense of situations.

The evidence that an individual's feelings affects others and that these feelings in turn affect performance highlights the importance of being aware of and managing our emotions. Leaders, salespeople, parents - anyone concerned with their influence on others.

Individuals Are Hired For IQ And Fired For Low EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

read on...

CEOs Value EQ over IQ

"How bosses train to be the best"

Generally, CEOs assume there is a certain base level of IQ among all corporate leaders. Most therefore value emotional intelligence (EQ) over IQ as a way of discriminating between great leaders. However, with a few notable exceptions, CEOs do not have a deep understanding of emotional intelligence and have not invested in developing their own EQ.

The human body can experience a vast array of emotions. Daniel Goleman, author of Destructive Emotions, written in conjunction with the Dalai Lama, documents an estimate by Tibetan Buddhists that they can attain 34,000 distinct emotional states. To put that in context, research undertaken by Cardiac Coherence on CEOs indicates rather worryingly that an average CEO will manage fewer than 15 of these states in a typical 24-hour period. It seems clear that there is much for CEOs to learn about emotions.

The secrets of CEOs

To love and Be loved

There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.

- George Sand

Emotions

"No other personal characteristic of the Self has such a clear line of connection to the Soul than emotions."

"Anger is a legitimate feeling and emotional expression. We can use anger to help and heal or we can use anger to manipulate and destroy. Anger can distance us from others. Anger can connect us to others. "

Read on...
http://projectsoldierhelp.blogspot.com/2008/09/emotions.html

Choices

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made.

- Wayne Dyer

This may be new information for some folks! But it's true that we are where we are, and who we are, due to the choices we have made in the past. We may be pleased with some of them, and not so pleased about some of them. The thing to remember is that you probably were only able to do as you did, with the information you had available to you at the time.

We do the best we can with what we know.
Therefore, the more we know, the better our best can be!

- mcp

Learn to be Aware

“You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself.”

- Beryl Markham

Who am I? What's important to me? What do I feel strongest about? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves and our feelings. To be aware, we must STOP and PAY ATTENTION! We need to STOP and objectively watch ourselves in action. Become conscious. What we don't know can hurt us.

We live most of our lives by habit. These habits are often unconscious and keep us stuck in patterns that limit our experience of life. Once we detect a pattern we were previously unconscious of, we can choose differently, if we want. Then, and only then, can we change. With awareness comes choice and with choice, we gain FREEdom!

“To be authentic is literally to be your own author …, to discover your own native energies and desires, and then to find your own way of acting on them.”

- Warren G. Bennis

“Self-knowledge is the great power by which we comprehend and control our lives.”

- Vernon Howard

Awareness is the FIRST key to all change. Find, Discover and Uncover new dimensions of who you are. Find your power in the immediate moment. Open to your own inner wisdom.

Develop self trust. Develop self acceptance. Develop self expression.

Spam Posts

I'm sorry, but my account it getting spammed, daily.

I'm in contact with TypePad tech support, and we're taking every step to try to stop it, but have been unsuccessful so far.

If you're a Feedblitz subscriber who gets an email of each past, please bear with us as we get this security breach plugged and ths spamming stops.

Thanks for your patience (as I can assure you, it's challenging mine!).
- Matt

Be Kind to Yourself

Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.

Ann Wilson Schaef

2Get, Give!

2GiveHelp.com (proposed)

2Give, without Sacrifice
2Give, without Guilt
2Give, without Burden

you wanna REALLY enjoy your life... Give.
you wanna feel REALLY loved, and appreciated... Give.
you want to have TONS of friends, and people who know you and Like you... Give.

We can show you how...

Feelings are the Bomb!

I'm gonna make a Bold statement here...

are you ready...

Our Feelings & Emotions
are THE most important thing
in our Entire Lives!

“Feelings provide us with vital and potentially profitable information every minute of the day. This feedback from the heart, and not the head, is what ignites creative genius, keeps you honest with yourself, shapes trusting relationships, provides an inner compass for your life and career, guides you to unexpected possibilities, and may even save you or your organization from disaster.”

- Robert Cooper

I hereby submit to you the following claim:
---------------------------------------------------

The art of "dealing with" our feelings is THE #1 most important skill we can possibly learn.

---------------------------------------------------

The good news is that there's not much to it. It's pretty simple, tho' definitely not easy.

The 3 Steps to Dealing with Feelings

1. Know what we Feel - be able to identify what it is we're feeling (angry, sad, scared, depressed)

2. Accept our own Feelings - they're natural, they're real, and they are the essence of who we ARE!

3. Express our Feelings in Ways that Work, for us and others- yes, we can express ourselves fully, and completely, and also uniquely. We can be different. We can allow ourselves to Shine.

And we don't stuff 'em! In fact, we are BIG and Bold with our feelings (which takes Bravery and Courage), but please, let's find productive, effective, respectful ways to express ourselves… ways that respect us, and others, alike.

Hint:
#3 is the hardest part.
#1 can be practiced, and mastered, pretty easily,
and #2 can be achieved in an instant.
it's #3 that we gotta work on, our entire lives.
How we choose to express ourselves will affect every minute, of every day, for the rest of our days!

"At the heart of every desire is the desire to feel good. And so, the standard of success in life is not the things or the money, the standard of success is absolutely the amount of joy you feel, period."

- Esther Hicks

- Matt

Accepting Our Feelings = Accepting Ourselves

The 7 Steps to Healing our Feelings

How to Take Control of your Feelings and Emotions, One Step at a time.

By Matt Perelstein
July, 2008

Follow these 7 Simple (tho' not Easy) steps to learn to "Deal with" your feelings & emotions, completely, effectively, and beautifully --

1 Awareness that we do Feel, a Lot: Get a Clue about the importance/depth of our feelings and emotions, and fully "get" how huge an impact they have on our daily lives.

2 Knowing our Body: Get in touch with what/how we, as a unique person, Feels, and where/how/even why we carry our feelings, inside of us.

3 Accepting our Feelings: They are good, and clean, and pure, and natural... and the core of Us. Let 'em be. Let 'em live. Let 'em free. Accepting our feelings = Accepting Ourselves!

4 Expression of Feelings: Learning effective and sane ways to express ourselves and our genuine feelings, as deeply as they are felt, in a safe/loving environment, in a way that brings people closer to us, rather than pushing them away.

5 Release pains from the past: We are learning how to process (feel) the very core of our beings, and letting go (changing beliefs about) our unexpressed, negative, painful fears, angers, hurts, and disappointments. If the pain remains, even unconsciously, they will color your existance and leave little room for the positives of life.

6 Replace darkness with light -- gloom with bright -- hate with love -- with power from above. Even, at first, if you have to 'manufacture' positive thots and feelings (i.e.-fake it 'til you make it) , they are way more fun than the negative ones.

7 Rejoice and celebrate life! Love, pain, joy, anger, sadness -- the whole enchilada. Yes, no pain no gain is true, for awhile, but as you grow, the pains lessen and the gain is Wonderful!!

That's it. Master these, and you'll have Total control of how much you Enjoy and Live your life, from then on!

---
The 7 Steps to Healing our Feelings
I'll discuss each one in greater depth.

Remember, the first thing in all learning is AWARENESS.

“Awareness is the first key to Change.”

If we don't know, we can't make choices.
If we don't know, we are a victim of ourselves, and to those who do.
If we don't know, we can't change.
If we don't know, we can't grow.

If our relationships aren't working, let’s find out why.
If we repeat the same patterns over and over, learn what's behind all that.
If we're unhappy, let’s learn how to find & release the Joy in our hearts.
If we don't have enough love in our life, know that still, there's Hope.

“We came to realize that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.“

- Bill W. step 2 of 12.

Remember, we are Personally Responsible for our Lives.

If we don't know, we find out.
If it ain't working, we can fix it.
If we feel that our lives are out of control emotionally, we can change it.

We finally realize that we can't do it alone.

We connect with others, give what we can and ask for help.

"Only as high as I reach can I grow,
Only as far as I seek can I go,
Only as deep as I look can I see,
Only as much as I dream can I be."

- Karen Ravn

Step 1: Awareness that we do Feel, a Lot

What are you feeling right now? (stop reading for a sec, close your eyes and just notice what your body is feeling right now.... ready? go. Close 'em and listen to your heart for a moment.)

Were you able to identify some things about how you currently feel?

We never STOP feeling, ever.

Even while sound asleep, our body constantly feels.

However, we are only AWARE of our feelings when we choose to be (notice them), or
when they get really BIG and kinda take over our body (sometimes called "issues" or "drama" or "free expression" or "freaking out").

The problem is that until we are AWARE of what we feel, and how strongly we feel it, we can't really DO anything with our feelings. We are powerless.
Doc says: "We can only make Decisions about that which we are consciously aware of."

So, as you go thru your day today NOTICE how you feel. You don't even have to stop what you are doing... just be aware of your pain, or happiness, heaviness, or lightness, laughter, or wanting to cry.

Just Notice your body today... and we'll talk about Step 2 next... Knowing what we feel.

Step 2. Knowing our Body

This is about identification of Feelings.

It's time to put a Name to the Feelings we feel. Is it Sadness or Joy, Guilt or Anger, Fear or Love?
Below is a chart of different Feelings to help you identify them.

It's very important that we learn to Identify what it is that we are feeling, so we can
Do something with each feeling.

Can we feel more than one feeling at a time? Definitely.
Is it important to be able to Separate the feelings and deal with them one at a time? Yes!
Does identification help relieve negative feelings, in favor of positive ones? You bet.

(link to Feelings chart here)

Step 3. Accepting our Feelings

Have you ever said "I'm not angry, just hurt?"
or how about "I'm Ok", when you aren't?
Do you find yourself saying "Yes" when you mean "No", or "No" when you mean
"Yes"?

These are about not Accepting your own feelings.

If we can ACCEPT that we are Angry, and Accept that we are hurt or sad, and Accept
if we don't feel safe, or cared for, or ready, then we have sooo many Choices (and
choices are good!)

It's OK to feel Anger.
It's OK to be Sad.
It's OK to be disappointed.
It's OK to feel unloved.

If our body feels it, it feels it. period. (in class, I tell a kinda gross analogy here -- that it's like going to be bathroom. When you body needs to go, do you agonize over it, deny it, justify it, try to find the root cause it, stuff it, blame it or otherwise put way more energy on it than necessary? probably not. When we feel we need to Go, we find a safe, clean place where it is Ok to "express" our bodily functions, and we let
them go easily and naturally... and it's done. However, with our emotional feelings, we get all weird about them because we were often taught, as children, that feelings are Bad or not acceptable.)

So please, ACCEPT that your body feels what it feels (and yes ladies, even Anger).

Accepting your feelings means accepting yourself, who you are, and what's important to you!

Step 4. Expression of Feelings

Doc says,
"Feelings expressed as deeply as they are felt, will REDUCE in intensity and are free to change".

Our feelings can get 'stuck' in our body, and must be Expressed fully, in order to be
released.

Once we know what we feel, it's important to Allow and Express our feelings, so they
can be released and replaced.

We don't get in trouble for feeeeeeeling angry, we, we get in trouble for what we doooooo with our anger. When we choose to Express our anger in unproductive, yucky ways.

Expressing ourselves does NOT mean that we spew our opinions and judgments all over, nor throw our Anger or Boredom or Irritation around unchecked. It's about "Fully Expressing" ourselves in a way that is
cleansing, life-enhancing, love-blossoming, peace-creating Expression. On of our biggest challenges in life, imho, is to find ways to Express our Feelings, as deeply as they are felt, in a way that brings people closer to us, rather than pushing people away.

Step 5. Release pains from the past

Feel 'em and Let 'em Go!
You don't need to hang on to them anymore!
Whatever they are Protecting inside of us, we can grow PAST them and find other
ways of Protecting ourselves. (yep, that's what they hang around for... to Protect
you and to Remind you)
MOST people we help in class... I ask, "Are you holding onto it, or is it holding on to
you?"... most answer... "I'm holding on to it"
Look in your belly, that seems to be where many of our feelings lie.
If you have long-term Negative Feelings hanging around inside your body – ask
yourself:
• What are they for?
• What are you to Learn from them?
• Why would I Need them?
• Why am I hanging on to these?
The answers will probably surprise you.

Step 6: Replace darkness with light

They're dark. They're ugly. and they drag us down...
and we know that we gotta feel 'em to heal 'em.

sooo, we become aware of them,
we feel them, and we let 'em go.

but we're not done yet...

It's kinda bizarre how it works, but once the negative feelings are released (like via
crying, raging, depressing or NLPing), there's a hole that is left. The negative
feelings actually take up some kind of space inside our bodies (again, often in
our belly, but also in our chest, shoulders, neck, lower back, hands, feet and/or
forehead). Maybe it's our spirit that holds them rather than our body... I’m not sure... but somehow they do get lodged inside of us, and can cause major dis-ease (disease).

I think it's our spirit that holds them first (esp. from childhood), but if our spirit
doesn't heal them and release them, they start showing up in our bodies... as
physical manifestations of emotional pain (not good).

Regardless where they reside, once the negatives are released, there will be a SPACE...
which you can choose to fill however you wish (Yeehaa!). If you do nothing with this Space, the old, familiar, protective feelings will likely return.

So it’s important that we fill that space with something new... something better... something cleaner and brighter and life-enhancing.
• Fill up with good feelings
• Fill up with love from other people
• Fill up with love for yourself
• Fill up with a color, any color, that makes you feel good
• Fill up with love from your Higher Power
• Fill up with the good parts of YOU

Assignment: Notice inside of you, how your internal space is filled. Do you carry around a lot of Hurt, Anger, Sadness and/or Guilt? If so, notice the SPACE that these feelings take up inside you. How big are they? Where do you carry them?

Now, imagine what this space COULD be filled with -- Love, Joy, Appreciation and Peace. KICK OUT the negative feelings (which we call 'Processing') and your body, and it's negative emotions, are magically free to change.

Step 7: Rejoice and celebrate life!

What if emotional pain was not that bigga deal?
What if we could face our very worst fears, head on, and beat them?
What if nothing could get us Angry enough to blow up, ever, unless we allowed it to?
What if we were TOTALLY in control of our Feelings & Emotions?

and were no longer a Victim of ourselves?

How Wonderful that would be!
How Freeing that would be!
How Peaceful that woud be!
How ALIVE we could feel!

There is hope and there is life out there -- or more accurately -- IN THERE.

Learn more about how to effectively Take Control of Your Feelings & Emotions and
your life will be within your control, forever!

Do yourself a Favor!

"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it. "

- Albert Camus, 1913-1960, French Author and Philosopher

Wanna do yourself the biggest favor?
Want to give yourself the very best possible gift you can?

Get yourself to the New Directions workshop this weekend in Fresno, CA.

"Ordinarily, everything we do is in our self-interest. Everything."

- Anthony de Mello

It IS all about you! But, if you don't Know you... if you can't Control and Manage you... if you can't get yourself to do things you don't want to do... if your Feelings & Emotions are out of control, or you're stuck in Depression or Fear...

then you're lost.
and out of control.
and immature.
and uneducated.

"To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say."

- George Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish-born American Philosopher

-------------------------------------------------------------

Do you Say you want the best for yourself, but don't back it up with action?
Do you Act like you're in control, but you're not?
Do you Talk a good game, but can't Bring your best game?

Step up.
Come to the workshop.

I will whip you into shape. promise.

I promise you will be aware and in charge of your life, emotionally, from this weekend forward.
ready?

- Matt

Emotional Intelligence is the key!

Less Crazy, More Sane.
Less Different, More Same.
More Power. Less Blame.
More Joy, Less Pain.

- mcp

Emotional Intelligence can Help!

"We're learning that emotional intelligence is an important ingredient in helping professional athletes live healthy and successful lives."

"There is a massive correlation between high EQ skills and life success."

- Gene Upshaw, Executive Director, National Football League NFL Players Association, Emotional Intelligence Helps NFL Players "Win at Life"

Improved EQ can help in sports, in business, in relationships, and especially, in your own heart and mind! Learn all you can about how your feelings and emotions work, and your life will be improved, forever.

Read the White Paper

Know Thyself

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

- Carl Rogers

The greatest happiness is to know the source of our unhappiness.

- Dostoyevsky

Permission to Meet Your Needs First

Today I know I want to write and having so much going on that I don't know what to write about.  My mind has been whirling lately which matches the emotional overload I'm on.  Each day the items I need to work on get bigger or the list gets longer. Waking up in the morning and getting out of bed gets more difficult.  If I stay in bed, I can't be found and nothing else can be added.  Staying in bed also means nothing gets done and those items on the list don't go away and my stress level remains high.

So it's get out of bed, look at what's happening, and check-in with myself.  How much energy do I have today?  What small thing can I do with that energy and feel that I have made the day worthwhile?  What can wait?  What can't wait?  The most difficult question for me to answer yes to, does the first thing on my list benefit my well-being?

I'm proud of myself in that I have moved myself from the bottom of the list to number 3 or 4.  I actually had someone send me a permission slip so I could be all right with my needs being number one and to also see that placing my needs first was all right with someone else.  Don't get me wrong, placing me #1 isn't about becoming self-centered and believing that the world and the universe need to rotate around me.  It's about finding and maintaining my inner strength and balance.  It's about not pushing so hard that I'm emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted.  It's so that I'm not so overwhelmed that all I want to do is pull the covers over my head for the next few weeks.

I am thankful that many of the people who are a part of my life now are okay with giving me that permission slip.  I'm also thankful that I'm getting better at using that permission slip.  So take a look around you when life seems to be too much and hiding under the covers sounds like the best idea.  Who are the people you are surrounded by - those who will give you a permission slip or those who believe the world serves them?  And if it helps to move you up that list a little bit, I give you permission to make your needs #1 today.

Take care,  Sue

Fears

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.  -- Michael Pritchard

Came across this quote today.  It struck a chord within me.  I spent most of my life living in fear.  I have spent the last few years facing my fears.  I have a very good understanding of how my fears have limited me and how they still influence me.  The biggest fear I have is centered on motherhood.

My mother passed away a few weeks ago.  Our relationship was not a happy one.  It was one of me attempting to be the good daughter and her manipulating me to get what she wanted - to have someone to take care of her.  For the year before she died, I had nothing to do with her since I recognized the manipulation and decided it wasn't what I wanted in my life any more.  In the few months before she died I struggled within myself.  Should I be the good daughter or do I remain true to myself and not be manipulated?  I was a mix of both.

For the last couple of years I have experienced a touch of motherhood.  I have been the host mother to three teenage foreign exchange students.  Mostly to prove to myself that even without having a good example of what a mother should be that I knew how to be a good mother.  Teenage girls was probably not the place to start.  I have had my heart broken three times as each of these girls left me.  With the last one I finally saw where my fear of being a bad, mean mother kept me from being a loving, good mother.  Being a good mother isn't about being their best friend, taking all their hurts away, or protecting them from their own decisions.  It's about giving them some one they can talk to about anything, letting them experience the unfairness of life, and letting them deal with the consequences of their actions even as your heart hurts for them and you constantly question am I doing the right thing.

I wouldn't trade the last two years for anything.  I have learned so much and gained so much strength.  I have beat my fear of motherhood and quieted those negative voices.  I have found a balance - how to love unconditionally and be okay with only being a guide who isn't always liked or listened to.

With my deepest respect for parents,

     Sue

You can heal your life

Awareness is the first step in healing or change.

- Louise Hay

What we think, and what we believe, is what will come true for us.
Our thoughts create our lives.
It's that simple.

And when we get that,
we can make enormous changes.

- Louise Hay "You can heal your life" DVD

Life Rules

Life only has 3 rules

Paradox

Life is a mystery, don't waste time trying to figure it out

Humor

It is a strength beyond all measure.

Change

Know that nothing stays the same.

- Dan Millman, "Way of the Peaceful Warrior"

Extreme Emotional Makeover - Summer Intensive

Announcement:

We are sponsoring a powerful program this summer, to show the world how much learning and growth can happen in very short period of time!

If you are chosen, you will be given intensive therapy, life coaching, reading materials, 2 weekend workshops, emotional support, and more, to help you BLAST thru your emotional issues and turn your life around. Participants must be willing to "share" their progress and lessons learned so others can benefit, as well.

Program Description
Application

Read on and apply today. Interviews start June 16.

-Matt
MEW Foundation, Inc.
dba 2GetHelp Wellness Center
Fresno, CA

Happiness -- it's up to you!

"If you expect the best, you will be the best. Learn to use one of the most powerful laws in this world;
change your mental habits to belief instead of disbelief. Learn to expect, not to doubt. In so doing, you bring everything into the realm of possibility."

- Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit."

- Helen Keller

"Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail."

- John Donne

"Life does not happen to us, it happens from us."

- Mike Wickett

Emotional Choices

Most of us have more choices, emotionally, than we ever thought possible!

"When we know that the cause of something is in ourselves, and that we (ourselves) are one of the few things in the universe that we have the right and ability to change, we begin to get a sense of the choices we really do have, an inkling of the power we have, a feeling of being in charge... of our lives, of our future, of our dreams."

- John-Roger and Peter McWilliams

You are the person who has to (gets to) decide.
Whether you'll do it or toss it aside;

You are the person who makes up your mind.
Whether you'll lead or will linger behind.

Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar.
Or just be contented to stay where you are.

- Edgar A. Guest

Confrontation: Everyone Hates it!

Want to get over your fear of confrontation? Learn how at Emotional Intelligence - Confronting What’s True

See also the Blog link on EQ At Work for lots of cool tools and articles re: EQ.

... and remember, and Dr. Phil says, "Attitude is Everything!":

Victor Frankel, who faced death daily in a Nazi concentration camp, wrote in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms —to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

be happy.
- Matt

Laughter is good for your body!

No Joke: This Is Exercise
Laugh away ticker trouble.
from here.

University of Maryland Medical Center researchers showed 20 healthy adults two movie scenes--one from the comedy Kingpin, the other a battle scene from Saving Private Ryan--while monitoring artery function. After viewing the funny clip, the volunteers' blood vessels dilated by 22%; they constricted by 35% after the war sequence. Dilation allows blood to move through the vessels with ease, taking strain off the heart and arteries.

"That magnitude of change is similar to what you'd get from aerobic exercise," says study author Michael Miller, MD. Laughter may trigger the release of nitric oxide, a chemical that relaxes blood cells, he says. It may also release endorphins, hormones shown to repair blood vessels. Miller recommends finding a way to laugh heartily for at least 15 minutes every day.

PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

extremely common in soldiers returning from war...

from http://www.thesoldiersproject.org

Signs of possible trouble (Service Member)
Irritability, jumpiness
Anger easily and “blow up” at loved ones or friends
Feeling hyper-alert, needing to be careful, on the watch for danger
Feeling emotionally flat, uninvolved with people, distant
Feeling you can’t relate to life around you or to the concerns of your family or friends in the way you used to
Difficulty concentrating, paying attention, poor memory
Difficulty sleeping, nightmares
Episodes of tearfulness for no apparent reason
Feelings that people at home “don’t get it” and you can’t really explain it to them
Feelings of not fitting in
More TV, internet use, video games than before
Increased use of alcohol, drugs
Feelings of sadness or guilt

Signs of possible trouble (Family)
Feeling overwhelmed or angry at being left with increased responsibilities
Tearful and worried about deployed loved one to the point where it’s difficult to follow normal routines
Feeling alone or lost with no one to talk to and nowhere to turn
You and returning family member seem nervous, distant or awkward with each other
Feeling hurt and resentful that returning family member isn’t as involved with you and the family as before deployment
Problems in the kids: anger, behavior problems at school, learning problems, physical symptoms (stomach aches, headaches), sleep troubles

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Veterans in crisis can dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and press 1 to be connected immediately to VA suicide prevention and mental health service professionals.

The National Center for PTSD (NCPTSD) aims to advance the clinical care and social welfare of U.S. Veterans through research, education and training on PTSD and stress-related disorders.

Laughter Heals!

Your Brain on Laughter

How clowning around improves memory, mood, and motivation

By Thomas Crook, PhD, Prevention

"A good knee-slapper produces a chemical reaction that instantly elevates your mood, reduces pain and stress, and boosts immunity (suppressed by both stress and pain). A recent fMRI study by Allan L. Reiss, MD, and colleagues at Stanford University traced this activity to a region called the nucleus accumbens (NAcc), which rewards behaviors such as feeding and sex (and laughing) by releasing dopamine, a natural opiate."

Change Your Belief System

"All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. So how do we change? The most effective way is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. You must feel deep in your gut that not only has this belief cost you pain in the past, but it's costing you in the present and, ultimately, can only bring you pain in the future. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”

- Anthony Robbins

Big feelings are the foundation of internal, self-limiting, childhood belief systems, and unresolved feelings are the glue that keeps those beliefs in place, inside of us. Expressing and dealing with our feelings brings those beliefs into our consciousness and allows them to change.

Love is the Answer

"Remember, in our innermost being, we are all completely lovable because spirit is love. Beyond what anyone can make you think or feel about yourself, your unconditioned spirit stands, shining with a love nothing can tarnish."

- Deepak Chopra

------------------------------------------------------------- "When mystics use the word love, they use it very carefully -- in the deeply spiritual sense, where to love is to know; to love is to act. If you really love, from the depths of your Consciousness, that love gives you a native wisdom. You perceive the needs of others intuitively and clearly, with detachment from any personal desires; and you know how to act creatively to meet those needs, dexterously surmounting any obstacle that comes in the way. Such is the immense, driving power of love."

- Eknath Easwaran

------------------------------------------------------------- "Therefore, when I say that ‘I love,’ it is not I who love, but in reality Love who acts through me. Love is not so much something I do as something that I am. Love is not a doing but a state of being - a relatedness, a connectedness to another mortal, an identification with her or him that simply flows within me and through me, independent of my intentions or my efforts."

- Robert A. Johnson

------------------------------------------------------------- "When you are aware that you are the force that is Life, anything is possible. Miracles happen all the time, because those miracles are performed by the heart. The heart is in direct communion with the human soul, and when the heart speaks, even with the resistance of the head, something inside you changes; your heart opens another heart, and true love is possible."

- Don Miguel Ruiz

-------------------------------------------------------------

Death and Awareness

I can accept that people and events are placed in my path for a purpose.  A purpose I may not understand and a purpose I may never understand.  I also believe that there are recurring patterns in my life and behaviors that can be changed when I finally see and accept the patterns.

Some patterns are very hard to see.  They run so deep and have existed for so long that I don't recognize them when they occur.  I accept them as normal.  I recently had a pattern revealed to me and I am still reeling from the implications and flashing back on many decisions made with a new understanding.

It's interesting that this pattern is revealed during yet another painful period in my life - the approach of my mother's death.  The timing of the two is another reminder that there is a higher power who is helping me to understand and grow if I'm willing to listen.  My history with my mother has been a painful and abusive one.  But I never understood my relationship with her.  My mother didn't teach me that pain is a natural part of life.  She taught me that life was all about pain.

With that belief as the undercurrent of my life, I can see the reasoning behind so many of my choices.  I was making decisions that would keep the pain as a constant companion in my life.  If I couldn't create enough of my own pain to satisfy that need, I would take on and accept the pain of others.  Yet I caught myself in a trap.  I know that being in pain constantly was wrong.  I also knew what it felt like to take on the pain of others.  I made a choice not to pass the pain I carried on to anyone else and the cost was the ending of many relationships.  With my new realizations, I also stopped denying my own pain and began to feel and know how much I have endured and held on to.  I am learning new skills on how not to take responsibility for the pain of others and to release what I am already carrying.  My first chance to test these new skills is with my mom.

I am making choices on how I am dealing with her care and the way I want our relationship to end.  It has been so hard to make choices that would be best for me and were also in her best interest.  I have been judging myself harshly.  Constantly questioning whether I'm making these choices so that I would intentionally hurt her.  I've come to peace with myself.  I'm not out to hurt my mother.  While the decision I made to leave her in a nursing home was not one she wanted me to make, it was the best one for both of us.  She is toxic to my well-being.  She was in a place where she was safe and being taken care of in a way that I could not do without hurting myself.  When my sister made the choice to take mom to her home, I expressed my concerns and let her make her own decision.  In the process of attempting to move mom, the stress on mom's body was too much.  And even though she is still breathing, the person that I have loved and hated for so many years is gone.

I am thankful that I made the time to call before they left and tell mom how much I love her and was able to hear and accept how much she loves me.  And maybe in the process of letting her go, I can also let go of all the anger and pain that I've held on to as the only way I knew how to love my mother.  I do wish we had the time to find an easier and less painful way to love each other.

     Sue

Attraction

"The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe."

- Deepak Chopra

Fear: How to Manage it!

When fears arise, use this quick acceptance process:

1. Acknowledge and really feel your fear without judging and criticizing yourself.
2. Ask what it’s there to tell you. Be alert for inner messages that will bring you greater understanding of the situation.
3. Be fully present. Are you okay in this moment? Relax into your present well-being.
4. Focus your mind on what you have rather than on what you don’t have, or on what you want rather than on what you don’t want.
5. Ask your higher knowing: What can I do to improve my situation? Taking action helps get our energy moving.

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.”

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Find Something Positive!

"Make a game of finding something positive in every situation. Ninety-five percent of your emotions are determined by how you interpret events to yourself."

- Brian Tracy

We're doing it!

New office opens Thursday, May 1, as the 2GetHelp Wellness Center -- Yeehaa!

MEW Foundation, Inc's was officially declared as a Corporation by the state of California Secretary of State, and we have a federal tax ID number.

Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT, will be our first (and grandest) therapist!

We're officially advertising for additional therapist(s) / coach(es) to join our team.

Our full-service office in Fresno, CA includes a reception area and a large, private office with phones, computer/internet, chairs, couch, desk, etc... ready for business. We have a lease, logo, letterhead, software, documents, clients, and goodwill.

and more...

Wish us luck!
- Matt

Emotional Specialties

2GetHelp Wellness Center

Our new center will hereby specialize in the following:

- Depression: We have helped so many understand, fight, and win, against their depression, - going from hospital to happy - in only a year or two. This is for the girls, wives and moms of the world.

- Anger: Anger has a terrible reputation, and I want to help change that. There is no other feeling as powerful, and potentially productive (or destructive) as our Anger. ... and we're VERY good at this subject. This is for the husbands and dads of the world.

- PTSD: We have found simple, effective, powerful ways of helping relieve Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -- the sounds, the pictures, the nightmares -- it's all stored in the right-side of the brain and it's all curable. This is for our returning vets.

Help us help you.

OMG!

Nearly 1 in 5 troops has mental problems after war service - Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080418/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/troops_mental_health

WASHINGTON - Roughly one in every five U.S. troops who have survived the bombs and other dangers of Iraq and Afghanistan now suffers from major depression or post-traumatic stress, an independent study said Thursday. It estimated the toll at 300,000 or more.

Only about half of those with mental health problems have sought treatment.

"There is a major health crisis facing those men and women who have served our nation in Iraq and Afghanistan," said Terri Tanielian, the project's co-leader and a researcher at Rand. "Unless they receive appropriate and effective care for these mental health conditions, there will be long-term consequences for them and for the nation."

"We've got to get the word out that seeking help is a sign of strength," Sutton said.

They gave various reasons for not getting help, including that they worried about the side effects of medication, they believed family and friends could help them with the problem, or they feared seeking care might damage their careers.

WE HAVE GOT TO HELP THEM!!! We take care of our own.

A new Company is Born!

As of yesterday, our new company is here to help show and tell the world about the wonders and joys of Emotional Intelligence!!

MEW Foundation, Inc.'s
2GetHelp Wellness Center
2560 West Shaw Lane, Suite 105
Fresno, CA 93711-2777
(559) 431-9995 / (559) 431-9996 (fax)

We already have a therapist on staff in the office and we'll be getting at least one more. We have 4 websites and will be getting at least 3 more. We have hundreds of loyal followers on our mailing list and (hopefully) more coming!

Stay tuned for further developments. Write if you would like to join in... there's tons to do as we link up those who need 2GetHelp with those willing 2GiveHelp.

If there is to be a judgment, we will be judged not by our piety, nor by our observance to ritual.
Rather the creator will ask us two questions in order to evaluate our lives:
'What did you do with the talents I gave you?'
'How did you treat the people I sent you to love?'

- Rabbi Shlomo Carlbach

yeehaa!
- Matt