To the question of your life, you are the only answer.
To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.
Nobody can fix you but you.
Nobody can make you happy but you.
Nobody can even help you but you.
It’s up to you.
What if everything that happened to you, and even everything around you, was there to direct and guide and teach you? What if you were 100% responsible for how you live your life, from this day forward? What personal power and control that would bring!
Guilt can be Good or Bad.
There are Two (2) Kinds of Guilt:
1. Punishing Guilt -- when you're Trashing yourself and beating yourself up for something you did, or didn't do.
2. Productive Guilt -- when you are Learning your lesson, taking the consequences of your actions boldly and maturely, and vowing inside yourself to Learn from your experience and become a better man/person because of it.
Knowing the difference between these two has Totally changed my life. Seriously. I was a guilt monger, full of punishing guilt. I've done plenty of stuff wrong, and I bashed myself for years over it all.
This is NO LONGER Acceptable so I had to find a better way.
It's true that some of the stuff I did was not acceptable. ever. ever again. none, zero, nada. So I figured I'd better Learn my lessons and figure out how to make damned sure that these never happened again.
I had to change my Punishing Guilt: trashing, discouraging, shame-based, lower-my-eyes, slump-my-shoulders, feel bad about myself, and less than, and unworthy kinda feeling
... into ...
Productive Guilt.
Ok. So I screwed up. Now what? feel sorry for myself? feel bad about myself? I don't think so. I've got too much to do, to much accomplish, to share, to feel. I want to Live my life. I don't want be a Potential, or a drag, or an ass to be around. I want to live my life to the FULLest that I can. I will learn from my mistakes. I will become a better person because of them. I will help others do the same with their mistakes.
So I had to Learn. To make my guilt Productive and educational. Not to feel bad, but to understand, and awaken, and accept.
hey, we've all made mistakes in our past, stuff we're not proud of... I'm not alone here and neither are you... but it's just a matter of what we Do with those mistakes now, emotionally, in the present and future, that counts. Can you let it go? Can you be sure you will NEVER do some of the stuff you did, again? If so, you can LET GO of the Guilt and move on.
It's ok. You're forgiven.
Last week, I asked our ND grads:
“If you had a chance to teach the world only 3 of the most vital concepts about emotional intelligence, the 3 most important things you’ve learned/realized, what would they be?”
Valerie
1. "The past is not dead, it's not even the past." - William Faulkner
2. "Your are not responsible for what your parents did to you, they are. Your parents are not responsible for your life now, you are." Dan Neubarth, Ph.D.
3. “What you needed to do to survive may be very different from what you need to do to live.”
Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. from Kitchen Table Wisdom
4. “To let go of a painful past, you may temporarily need to get closer to it. To take greater control of your own life, you may need to revisit the day during which you had the least control.”
Edward Everett Hale—1822-1909
Debbie
1. Taking things personally and remaining in victimhood is optional and only prolongs the healing process.
2. Listening to the sound of our wounds is the only way of preventing the same heartache in the future.
3. Emotional support is the most powerful and functional gift to give and receive in life, and actively practicing improves our ability to do this.
There are many more, and these are rough drafts of just some thoughts that crossed my mind when I read your email, of ways that ND has improved my personal and professional daily functioning. I will write more if they pop into my head.
Michael Themins LCSW, Fresno, CA
1. Self Identity is the total summation of my past experiences, Too feel bad about past experiences only denies my Individualism.
2. Cognitive Identification of feelings is a cerebral experience and not an emotional experience.
3. Analyzing emotional experiences; only disconnects the gut level emotional experience.
Karen
1. How your present life is still being influenced by your past.
2. Emotional pain is not terminal, but hanging on unexpressed emotional pain is a detriment to emotional health.
3. If you know what you feel, you know who you are and want you want.
Heidi
1. Feelings are not right or wrong they just are.
2. You learn healthy and safe ways to feel your emotions.
3. You are not alone, you will get to meet people who will not judge you, make life time friendships, meet people who have been in your shoes, meet people who will love you unconditionally, and so much more.
Helen
1. It is safe to feel your feelings
2. We do not need to be held hostage by our past
3. Love is a miraculous thing that comes when all the anger is released
Cheryl
1. If you can identify what you're feeling then you can motivate yourself to make the changes necessary to make your life the way you want it to be.
2. If you understand your behavior patterns, and what caused them, then you are free to make different choices in the future.
3. You must do the thing you think you cannot do - to quote Eleanor Roosevelt. Once you've done that - the world belongs to you!
Patrick
1. If i know what i feel i can heal, from past to present negative events
2. If i know, trust, & express my feelings in acceptable ways i can create a more intimate relationship with myself an others.
3. If i know my self i can know others , creating empathy, acceptance & a sense of belonging.
Julie B.
1. There comes a time when we all need to take inventory. We have thoughts, feelings, hurts, fears, etc. that we hang onto out of habit, but they are not helpful; they are actually in the way. We have to take a look at them and decide what stays and what goes. When we/I do that, we/I free up space, and suddenly there is room for us/me again--joy, hope, and love included.
Splat
1. Feelings are feelings we can live through them.
2. Embrace your feelings and sit in them you will not die.
3. Know where you feeling are located on your body.(angry is in my stomach)
Glynk
1. Understanding where, when, and how you formed your beliefs and behaviors, gives you the power to change what is not working for you.
2. You can learn to how to take responsibility for how you choose to live your life, once you understand yourself.
3. You can learn to really feel and identify your real emotions, then let them go.
Glori
The three most important concepts of emotional intelligence that I have learned or has helped me the most are
1. Self-Acceptance (this is the one concept that has given me the most peace of mind)
2. Figure out what your judgments are and take them away
3. Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions and reactions without judging (It's Doc's concept of "isn't that interesting?")
Drena
1. Being emotionally intelligent and emotionally aware is the best thing you can do for your children and family.
2. You will continue to screw up your life and your relationships until you understand the reason's you feel and respond the way you do.
3. Becoming emotionally intelligent and aware with your spouse/partner is the only way to have an incredibly honest and dynamic relationship with your spouse/partner that will intensify the closeness and depth of your relationship.
Can I cheat?
1. Face your emotions/behaviors and you will find your reality; face your reality and you will find your emotional and psychological freedom.
2. There is nothing more satisfying than having emotional and psychological freedom and control over how you respond to others and situations.
3. Understanding why you do what you do, gives you a wonderful perspective on who you are.
1. What someone else thinks about you, says nothing about you and everything about them..
2. Blaming others for your choices is imature, taking responsiblity is liberating.
3. Emotional pain is not terminal.
Sorry Matt, I can't sum it up in just 3 points. Take what you want. I like the last 3 the best.
Gloria
1. You can learn to let go of the past and live in the present.
2. What happened to you is not as important as how it made you feel about yourself.
3. You have the tools to be happy, you just have to remember how to use them.
Gay
1. Being a victim is a choice.
2. Blaming is ok for a little while; then it's time to take responsibility for your life.
3. Awareness is the key to beginning to change yourself, and you can only change yourself.
Jannie B.
1. Don't take things personally. The "to me" rule. What I say about you means nothing about you.....it says everything about me.
2. "So you think, so shall you be." You create your reality. And if YOU create it YOU can '"un-create" it.
3. Stop trying to find someone to love; and love the one you found. And just one more please......
4. Where is the peace in ..more is better? thank you very much
Melann
1. I cannot hear what you are thinking. Good communications is the key to life and all its ups and downs.
2. The answer is always NO until you ask, and then it still may me no. Take the pressure off and ask.
3. The decisions we make in our lives are based from feelings. Feelings are not good or bad they just are. Anger is just as important as happiness. They both are feelings that we feel. Once we FEEL we can make the best choices.
Linda V.
1. What you feel is not good or bad, it just is
2. Life is too short to dwell on the past
3. You learn we are unconsciously incompetent
consciously incompetent
consciously competent
unconsciously competent -- or something like that
Paula
1. You can learn to feel happier.
2. You can learn techniques to release your past pain and present hurt.
3. You can experience a workshop where people care and are willing to understand you.
Doc
1. Judgments are debatable, feelings are not.
2. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.
3. If you are fighting over feelings, then you are not talking about feeling.
LJ
1. Walking your talk is just as important as your talk.
2. Personal growth is not a fad and it’s valuable in your home relationships/work.
Matt
1. Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing.
2. In fact, being in touch with our feelings and emotions is THE THING that puts us in control of our lives like nothing else can!
3. It's Ok to cry, and be angry, and express our fears, if done wisely.
Lynda A.
By the way, my description of what ND does is: "ND helps in Healing the past so we can be more present, loving, and accepting to all God's Kids, whether we like them or not, including ourselves." Hugs.
When Needs and Desires are Fulfilled, One Tends to Feel:
from http://SuccessWithDepression.com/positive-emotions/
Absorbed
Encouraged
Jubilant
Adventurous
Energetic
Longing
Affectionate
Engrossed
Loving
Alert
Enlivened
Mellow
Alive
Enthusiastic
Merry
Amazed
Exalted
Mirthful
Amused
Excited
Moved
Animated
Exhilarated
Open
Appreciated
Expansive
Optimistic
Aroused
Expectant
Overjoyed
Astonished
Exuberant
Overwhelmed
Blissful
Fascinated
Peaceful
Buoyant
Friendly
Proud
Breathless
Fulfilled
Radiant
Calm
Gay
Rapturous
Carefree
Giddy
Refreshed
Cheerful
Glad
Relieved
Comfortable
Gleeful
Satisfied
Compassionate
Glorious
Secure
Complacent
Glowing
Sensitive
Composed
Good-humored
Serene
Concerned
Grateful
Stimulated
Confident
Gratified
Surprised
Contented
Groovy
Sympathetic
Cool
Helpful
Tender
Curious
Inquisitive
Thankful
Dazzled
Inspired
Thrilled
Delighted
Intense
Touched
Eager
Interested
Tranquil
Ecstatic
Intrigued
Trusting
Effervescent
Invigorated
Warm
Elated
Involved
Electrified
Joyful
Empathic
Joyous
"Nothing is good or bad but by comparison."
- Thomas Fuller
We have 100% CONTROL over our Judgments, Attitudes and Belief Systems. Therefore, it is 100% our RESPONSIBILITY to manage these areas of our lives.
The Talmud says that the wisest among people are the ones who learn from all.
There are spiritual and emotional lessons to be learned from everything and everybody. An open heart and an open mind can collect great experiences and wonderful knowings.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory, for ever and ever.
Amen. wiki
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
- Marcel Proust
Ok, sorry, I haven't been posting because I've been Twitterin' and Tweetin'. It's fun.
follow me. #MattPerelstein
(wow, that's a cool statement, "follow me", for that means I have somewhere to take you... And that I do... follow me... into the depths inside us. our feelings, our heart, our passions and our soul.)
We just changed the name of our non-profit to 2GetHelp, Inc. Our purpose is to show the world the wonder and joy of mental health and emotional intelligence education.
Our IRS application for a 501(c)(3) non-profit status is complete and we hope to have that in place very soon.
I am very excited about moving forward with this project. I’ll keep you updated on our progress.
Stay tuned…
- Matt
- matt
My wish for you is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination.
And that you find love in places that astound you.
That you have friends who call you "just because."
I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes.
That you play as hard as you work.
And that you laugh more than you cry.
I want you to set the bar high, but not too high.
To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground.
And to never, ever stop dreaming.
But most of all, I wish for your happiness.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you’ve imagined!”
- Thoreau
“The best way out is always through.”
- Robert Frost
"Action conquers fear."
- Peter Nivio Zarlenga
We are different because we Choose to Care.
We open our hearts to others… why? because it’s fun, it increases the LOVE in our lives, and because we know that the People in our lives are pretty much THE most important thing to us.
yes, sometimes we are disappointed, and sometimes we get hurt.
sometimes we even get yelled at… but that’s Ok… we can handle it.
and it’s worth it.
no doubt.
how open are you to love and intimacy?
Awareness that we Feel
What are you feeling right now? happy, sad, calm, afraid, angry, worried, depressed?
(stop reading for a sec, close your eyes and feel. just Notice what your body is feeling right now.... go)
Were you able to notice some things about how you feel?
Were you able to Identify which your feelings and name them?
We never STOP feeling, ever. Even while sound asleep, our body constantly feels. However, we are only AWARE of our feelings when we choose to be (notice them), or when they get big and kinda take over the show ("issues").
The problem is that until we are AWARE of them, we can't really DO anything with them. We are powerless. They control us, we don’t control them.
Doc says:
"We can only make Decisions about that which we are consciously Aware of."
So, as you go thru your day today NOTICE how you feel.
Don't stop what you’re doing... just be aware of your pain, or happiness, heaviness, or lightness, laughter, or wanting to cry.
“Since Daniel Goleman published his landmark book " IQ for predicting success" Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" in 1995, the focus in psychology has shifted away from measuring IQ alone to evaluating what is known as Emotional Quotient, or EQ.
While emotional intelligence cannot be measured as good, bad, right or wrong, experts note that:
- from the back cover of Self-Scoring Emotional Intelligence Tests
We are absolutely powerless to change others.
But we are absolutely powerful to change ourselves.
- M.K. Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT
Yesterday we talked about Love or Fear, Take your Pick. Well, it turns out that there are whole schools of personal growth who believe that there are ONLY 2 emotions: Love and Fear.
One of the books that helped change my life was Gerald Jampolsky's "LOVE IS LETTING GO OF FEAR". This book described in a simple, 12-step process, how to "Let Go" of both long-term and current Fears, in an effort to expand our ability to Love. He has some other powerful books, too, so click the link at Amazon and read on...
If Depression is based on Anger, and Anger is based on Fear, that means most negative feelings are Fear-based (except Sadness, which I'm not sure about -- ideas?).
So, what if there really were only 2 feelings?
What if ALL negativism is based on Fear?
Seems to me, we had better get a HANDLE on our Fears, wouldn't you say??
There are 2 basic ways to live your life...
FEAR-Based: Afraid of what MIGHT happen, and what other people MIGHT think of you.
- or -
LOVE-Based: Full of life, with people around you, and oodles of love for yourself and others.
You are TOTALLY in control of which way you choose to live.
Are you gonna live your life based on Fear?
or
Are you gonna live your life based on Love?
(the cool part is that you get to decide!)
Here’s a new one…
Guilt is about the Past.
Shame is about the Present.
Fear is about the Future.
* We might feel Guilty about something we DID, or DIDn't do, in the past.
* We might feel Shame about who we are, in the moment.
* And we experience Fear of things that MIGHT happen, in the future.
interesting, ey? Helps with perspective.
I've been present-based (Shameful), while others are more past-based (Guilty) or future-based (Afraid).
I've been very present-oriented, so being Shame-based has effected me the most. I'm an Aries and impulsive and into instant gratification, so the fact that I feel a level of Shame every moment of every day (less now) is life-trashing for me. I don't have tons of Guilt from my past (well, some actually, but the Shame's much bigger) and I don't have too many Fears about the future (usually). I'm learning to show up as who I am, everyday, in every way, and trying to feel Proud of myself along the way.
Where is your focus?
I’ve been out there in the Feeling trenches for over 20 years now -- digging through anguish, pain, rage, sorrow, grief, guilt and shame.
The good news is that we do it in a way that encourages the positive and manages the negative, where I am doing my part to help people feel better about themselves and their lives, forever.
this stuff just comes to me, so I report it to you.
that is my agreement with my higher power. that is my “job”.
we have found some amazingly simple, practical, common-sencicle ways of being happy… it’s called Dealing with your Feelings. directly and maturely.
that’s it, bottom line.
it’s not much more complicated than that.
… but when our body needs to cry, oh my gosh, it’s this big dramatic thing >> ! ! >>
… my secret? I Accept and Encourage the little boy inside of me.
Reward? my body seems to appreciate the freedom. I make it safe for myself to feel safe and to feel whatever I need to, as deeply as I need to, for as long as I need to. As a result, by body tends to let go of any negatives amazingly quickly.
I am then free to return to my “natural state” -- happiness and cool-nicity!
- matt
p.s- besides, my feelings are my #1 most entertaining thing in my life! what could mean more to me than me? I watch me, I experience me, I observe me, and I challenge me. I love my life and I am never bored.
… and speaking of Maslow, let’s take a look at his:
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs.
1. Food, Water & Air
2. Personal Safety, Shelter & Security
3. Belonging & Emotional Safety
4. Self-Esteem
5. Self-Actualizationor per the Learning Fountain…
- PHYSIOLOGICAL - Basic living needs, such as food, water, oxygen and sex.
- SAFETY - Once physiological needs are satisfied, you need to have a home and other forms of security.
- BELONGING - So far you have taken care of yourself. Once you do this, you look to make friends, find someone to love and in general feel part of a community.
- SELF-ESTEEM - You need self-confidence, to be appreciated for what you are and be treated with dignity.
- SELF-ACTUALIZATION - This is the highest level. Once your basic needs are supplied, you seek ways to reach your highest potential.
The one that surprises me is that BELONGING is #3… even above Self-Esteem (wow!). That means that the Group is even more important than the Self.
- Sociology > Psychology.
- Relational EQ > Internal EQ.
- Families, and Friends, and Groups, and even Gangs are better than Aloneness.
Let’s all pull together as Americans, shall we?!?
I believe I have met people who are truly Self-Actualization, in maslow’s context. in fact, i believe i am one.
wanna learn to be Self-Actualized, too? we can show you.
i love who I am now (didn’t used to).
I love who I have become.
no, I'm not perfect, far from it.
but even better than perfect, I am Accepting of me.
If i do good, i praise me. if i don't, i reprimand me (but not too harshly).
We: there's an adult me
and a kid me.
both help each other.
both support each other.
… and sometimes, We try to figure out together how to NOT do some things, ever again.
it’s working so well, it can be down-right peaceful inside, some times.
know what the difference is in NDers vs. non-NDers?
NDers like themselves more.
NDers accept themselves more, and better, than most.
NDers know what they're feeling.
and whatever the feeling is...
this too shall pass.
we allow feelings
we accept feelings
we express feelings (sometimes just for a sec, but being willing and able to "touch your feelings", they are instantly free to shift and change, and disappear!)
yes, that IS what I am saying...
allowing feelings, gives us freedom
touching our feelings, brings us passion and life
accepting our deepest feelings, is accepting ourselves and our bodies in a most respectful way.
Adversity makes us stronger (if we let it)!!
go (i cry, scream, shake, feel, quake, ahhh!, scream again, then cry, and release. poof, i feel 10,000x better. lighter, more open, brighter.
it seems easier to get into the feeling, when thinking of specific angers and resentments
but the big negatives can be done en masse, too.
let go of all anger and resentment. i cry for all my sadness. i depress from all my pressures and stressors. all at once. bundle ‘em up, let ‘em get big, let ‘em come out, then say bye-bye.
in reality, feeling the big Negatives not only releases them and away they go, it also ENHANCES the positive feelings, often creating a sense of Euphoria, passion, and often, Intense Love!!
To process negative feelings, i try to...
KAERR - pronounced: Care
KAERR enough about ourselves and others, to get Results in our lives.
Know
find it, ask it, look for it (they're there!) -- >>
Accept
allow it, be ok with it, watch it, understand it, empathasize -- >>
Express
be it, feel it, enjoy it, allow it to become me and me to become it -->>
Release
learn from it, listen to it. heed it's warnings and messages. let go of the self-pity, any victim thinking, and all need for drama in my life. -- >>
Results
create from it, allow it to motivate me to do good things, to help out, to give a damn about ourselves and others.
---
the big thing that Tony Robbins does is he tells people we have a choice, we can choose how we live… and we can choose GREAT Stuff, happy stuff, powerful stuff.
we ordered his Ultimate Edge mega-tape set last night.
$14.95 + $14.90 shipping for 30 days.
if keep it after 30, it's $99/mo. for 3 months (not likely)
he’s one of the very best, and I want to see how he does it.
---
Caring about me, and caring about others, to me, is pretty much the same thing.
I cannot be mean to others without disrespecting myself... I am not willing to do that.
so i choose to be nice and to give. it serves me. it serves others. perhaps maybe it's right.
I am planning to amass $3.3 Million, and I will not stop until I do.
I believe that will be enough money to handle all my family’s needs now and in the future.
I will not stop there, but the rest I will give away.
I just officially started a $3.3M Club for all of us who are committed to the same goal. We will help each other to amass our fortunes, together. then we will give the rest away, together.
Won’t you join me (no charge, guys are already joining)?
- matt
why do it alone… it’s harder and much less enjoyable that way.
we will be applying for a 501c3 within the next month.
help me word it correctly.
help me dream it correctly.
if YOU had a non-profit, without any budgetary limitations, what would you have it do?
I don't want to focus on just 1 county or city, I want this to be National. All americans are affected, all americans should have the opportunity to learn, and heal, and grow.
"Now in order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed:
1. They must be fit for it.
2. They must not do too much of it.
3. They must have a sense of success in it -- not a doubtful sense, such as needs some testimony of others for its confirmation, but a sure sense, or rather knowledge, that so much work has been done well, and fruitfully done, whatever the world may say or think about it."
- John Ruskin
"We honor life when we work. The type of work is not important: the fact of work is. All work feeds the soul if it is honest and done to the best of our abilities and if it brings joy to others."
- Matthew Fox
Ok, now that we know, we have the responsibility to Do.
those who know, lead those who do not.
those who can, lead.
leaders lead and leaders follow other leaders.
…and we teach each others to be leaders.
that is the point here.
we gotta make ourselves happy, period.
and it’s our responsibility, no one elses.
but,
the best way to pull that off is to help our fellow man/American, to be a part of, to be valuable, to matter.
so,
I used to think that the best thing I could do was to get people to team with me, so we can get stuff done. but that’s not it. the best thing I can do is to get you to team with EACH OTHER, to make a LOT of stuff happen. we will build teams.
- Stephen Covey
we know this, most do not. please help me spread this good word to the masses.
Emotional intelligence (EQ), can matter as much as IQ in determining a person's well-being and effectiveness in life.
"Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart"
(free online book)
I used to say that EQ > IQ, but now I say:
IQ + EQ = Happiness and Success in Life.
(and it’s not that complicated…)
"With just a little education and practice on how to manage your emotions, you can move into a new experience of life so rewarding that you will be motivated to keep on managing your emotional nature in order to sustain it. The payoff is DELICIOUS in terms of improved quality of life."
Managing Anger by Seeing the Unseen Cause
by Mike C. Powers
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Managing_Anger_by_Seeing_the_Unseen_Cause.html
Read this really good article about what’s “beneath” our anger… what drives it… what underlying intentions we may have that can “fuel” our anger.
here’s another on:
Managing Anger by Understanding the Different Ways People Express Anger
http://www.selfmadeeasy.com/managing_anger.cfm
see also:
Anger Management Tips - Learning to Control that Out of Control Emotion; (ebook)
http://www.selfmadeeasy.com/pd_anger_management_tips.cfm
I am writing this because it's fun for me.
I am writing this because it needs to be said.
I am writing this because I have a ton of Love inside me, that wants to come out... so it's spewn everywhere.
I am writing this because i care.
I am writing this because I don't think it's ever been written before, at least not in this way.
not in a way that is Ultimately Selfish.
not in my way.
Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no others are, and to do what no other can do.
- William Ellery Channing
I am writing this because I truly believe that a change in EQ is the #1 best thing we can do for ourselves and our world, period.
can we change our IQ?
maybe a touch.
can we change our physical health?
sometimes.
can we improve our Emotional health and well-being?
Heck Yeah !!
can we get better Results, and feel more Successful in life?
Yep, whenever we Decide to.
can we change our Spiritual awakening?
yes.
Our Emotional and Spiritual Health is 100% IN OUR CONTROL.
and I like feeling in-control.
so that’s where I focus my efforts.
- matt
"It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."
- Mother Teresa
Yes! The Giving is really for Us, not as much Them.
it's about US enjoying it, letting it fill us up,
to Believe, to Care, to open up, to connect.
and Love feels GOOD !!
we give because we love.
we love because we give.
we live, and love, and give, because that is who we are.
i can let some anger in, as long as I manage it.
I have to ensure that it doesn't control my life, and it doesn't get to take over my life. but there does need to be a sense of it. the knowledge and acceptance of it.
and the ability to focus it.
the roaring ain't the problem. it’s the intention behind the roaring that matters most. do we Roar to overpower and control others and demand that things go our way, or do we use it instead to POWER ourselves and get our own arses in gear?
big dif. similar costume.
---
I actually think it'd be best if I let myself feel anger More Often, not less.
most people are trying to lessen theirs, but not me.
I know the Power and the Awesomeness of using my Anger in wise, focused, passionate ways, that work for me, and everyone in my life... or most everyone.
no matter what we do, some will not be Ok with us. judgments are cheap and easy to come by. that's ok. it's even ok if they express their not-ok-ness to us, if done in a respectful and honest manner.
we need to learn to protect ourselves, emotionally. That does NOT mean that we go around Afraid, and in fear of getting Hurt, or abandoned, or mis-understood. It means that we have the Ability to control what hurts us. we are not victims.
It is Our Job to Teach Others how to be with us!
true mastery of emotional intelligence is about knowing that others often don't know, and can therefore lose their grip on themselves, their behavrious and their Mouth, sometimes.
how do WE deal with Cluelessness?
---
Challenge:
it's easy to judge and disconnect from those we don't agree with...
wanna try something new? try NOT disconnecting, NO MATTER what. try making the Connection the point and the goal of the whole relationship. try not to disconnect, ever, and if you do, re-connect again, quickly and completely. the connection is called intimacy.
that's a key… friendship is about connection. Family is about connection. Lovers are about connection.
Pets are about connection. Kids are about connection. Community is about connection. America is about connection.
perhaps we would be wise to explore this area further, don't-cha-think?
so, please share with me some of the ways that you have found to stay connected, or to re-connect, with the people you love.
---
on a side note, one of the Coolest things that I have learned in my never-ending quest for EQ, is that simply having the CHOICE to connect, or not, has been so totally FREEing for me, personally.
with my abandonment issues, I believed that I "had" to connect, with everyone, everytime, which is a) impossible, b) incredibly tiring to try to achieve, and c) most painful failing that many times! so I found that if, instead, I CHOOSE NOT to connect with someone, at any given time, to disconnect with the other people when I believe they are acting badly and/or not feeling safe to me.
I can have boundaries, and I can choose to NOT open my heart to some, while at the same time being Wonderfully and Gloriously OPEN to others !! ((and feel totally clean and honest doing it))
ha.
most very cool.
us – closer to an “I”, but with an us-attitude. It’s about knowing ourselves, understanding our strengths and weaknesses, being clear on how and where we fit into the world, and how we can, and do, affect others.
Keywords: Consciously Competent. Awake and Aware. Personally Responsible. eyes-wide-open. Team-player. good guy. dude.
Us – 2 or more of us, gathered in His name, living our lives together, on purpose. Knowing we can choose to connect when we want to open our heart, when it’s safe, and wise, but also knowing we can take control of our hearts and our minds when it’s not.
Keywords: leader, strong, powerful, brave, wise, loving, couple, intimate, relationship, family, friend.
US – This is about US, committed to working together to build a better world. This is the public works program that pay our people to make our world a better place. teachers, tutors, coaches, VAs, entertainers, musicians, builders, writers, creators.
Keywords: role model, mentor, champion, celebrity, hero.
USA – This is the most amazing, powerful, affluent, advanced, proudest civilization on earth. Americans. The Winning Team.
Keywords: american, yankee, cowboy, gringo, World Leader !!
Do you know what I want?
I want you to listen to me.
I want you to follow my lead.
I want you to buy into the concept enough to promote it to others.
OUR Feelings ARE THE KEY to intelligent, aware, and moderated behaviours.
Those of us who know, become responsible for the rest.
some things aren’t fair, but That-Is-How-It-Is.
I want us to join forces together, to help spread the word. The word of Love, and care, and concern for others.
I want US to actively educate others.
The more Emotionally Intelligent people are, the more likely they are to be trustworthy, kind, and safe.
Aware people make better decisions.
- add your name if you agree with this wisdom -
with my love,
- matt
it doesn’t take many “resources” to educate others… mostly just our Time, enthusiasm, and some grasp of the subject. There are so many simple, inexpensive and incredibly powerful ways to interact with others nowadays, it’s only our creativity and our self-limiting beliefs that keep us small.
us
We are constantly in, what we call, “Learning Mode”, where we are open to new ideas, concepts and experiences.
“Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today."
- Malcolm X
“Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education."
- John F. Kennedy
“One can succeed at almost anything for which he has enthusiasm."
- Charles Schwab
“Genius without education is like silver left in the mine."
- Benjamin Franklin
I just learned that over 80% of all prisoners in CA were once foster kids. 80%, damn !!
… and I believe that some 50-70% of all crimes could be considered to be Emotion-based (drugs, violence, theft, etc.).
Let’s:
Educate prisoners
Educate foster kids
Educate parents and single moms
Educate couples - straight and gay
Educate youth
Educate the elderly
make them aware, show them that there is another way to live.
a better way. a way that works AND feels good, at the same time. And all it takes it to learn more about Emotional Intelligence!
Let’s let 'em know that they have more Choices, emotionally, than they ever dreamed possible.
Let’s give 'em the GOOD NEWS that they can choose how to be, how to feel, how to live their lives!
It’s better to love and feel ALL the emotions rather than not love for fear of the loss.
- NS
You can't really feel the highs, if you can't or won't feel the lows.
You're living only half an existence.
Fall seven times; stand up eight.
- unknown
Ok, so this weekend, we’re teaching the 5th in our year-long, 6-weekend series on Advanced Relationship Trainings (ART class).
The subjects are:
Among other things, we’ll all be doing a 15-minute presentation, to be encouraged and critiqued by the group. We’re striving to become the most amazing people we can, so here goes…
p.s. – I love teaching and I love being a student, too. We define a good instructor as 70% student/30% teacher.
Giving is all about me.
Loving is all about me.
Being nice is all about me.
Being a good guy is all about me.
it’s all all about me.
I do good things, and I’m nice to people, and I give, and I’m trying to change the world – why? - ‘cause it’s fun. and it feels good. and it works, for me.
period.
know why people have so much fun when they're at a party or bar and/or drinkin'?
because they decide to.
they make a group decision, and personal decisions, to HAVE FUN, so they do.
period. yes, the alcohol plays a factor in it, but still,
they just Decide to have fun... so they do.
they Decide to raise their energy, talk louder, move their body, tell stupid jokes, etc.
we can do that same thing, and get into that same space, wherever and whenever we Decide to. We can dance, and laugh, and be silly, just ‘cause.
pretty cool, ey?!?
we can control our feelings, and our energy. (one of the few things we can control, and really, the only thing we really Need to control – ourselves.)
"I've finally come to understand that whatever happens, all those stumbling blocks, all these problems, have nothing to do with real happiness. Happiness is facing yourself and learning to love what you see, flaws and all. It's taking enjoyment just from the process of being human."
- Kelsey Grammar
I keep saying that “it’s all about us”. If we cannot be happy with ourselves, it doesn’t really matter what’s happening outside of us.
"It’s not easy to find happiness within ourselves and it’s impossible to find it elsewhere."
- Agnes Rippler
Sometimes,
understanding their fears
helps me
understand and accept their actions,
as well as their pain.
and Sometimes,
understanding their fears
helps me
to understand, and accept, and conquer, my own.
"It takes six seconds to manage anger.
It takes six seconds to create compassion.
It takes six seconds to change the world."
Most of all, we want you to know that emotional intelligence is right there inside you -- everyone has it, and everyone can learn to use it more effectively. While we deliver powerful in-depth trainings and approaches to EI development, the tools you really need are already inside you -- and if you'll commit just a moment now and then to practice, six seconds at a time, you'll enhance the quality of your relationships with yourself and others.”
Click the pic above to pick What are you feeling? graphic and make your own banner.
… at the largest Emotional Intelligence network on the planet…
Josh Freedman’s 6Seconds.org
- Matt
hint: wanna bump your friends’ heads? instead of greeting people with “Hi, how are you?”, ask “Hi, What are you feeling?”… people often pause, and think, and then give a much more interesting reply. try it.
Our generation has been criticized for having an "All About Me" attitude.
Well, I say we're not Enuf "All About Me". or not in the right ways, at least.
The higher my Self-Esteem, the more good I can do, the more honest I can be, the more real. and frankly, the more productive, too.
I know I can kick ass when and I’m feeling really good about me!
High EQ = High Self-Esteem.
High EQ = Caring for others, why? because it feels so good.
High EQ = Being Responsible for our Actions.
everybody wins if we teach people to have higher EQ.
and yes, that's "All About Me."
- Matt
Hello! I am Cheryl Montgmery-Nolan. My adopted spiritual brother Matt invited me to write a Guest Blog - so here I am.
I thought I'd talk about excitement, and how important it is in our lives. Right now I'm extremely excited because I will be getting on a plane in 2 days and flying from New Zealand to California to visit family and friends I haven't seen in a long while. And that got me to thinking...
It's funny how just the idea of doing something new, or outside our daily routine, can be a breath of fresh air. It's just the boost we need to get off our butts and get something accomplished. My mind is going about a million miles an hour thinking about all the possibilities that lay before me during this trip home. Now I know it's not possible to do even one-quarter of all the things that I might want to do but it sure is exciting just thinking about it. I almost feel as if I have awoken from a long sleep. I feel much more myself than I have in a long time.
So it would be good to remember to do something out of the ordinary, or possibly something we haven't tried before, every now and then. Because, after all, we have nothing to lose but a little free time, yet we could gain so much from it.
Cheryl
2GetHelp
Daniel Goleman: Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
Adele B. Lynn: The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book: 50 Activities for Promoting Eq at Work
Daniel Goleman: Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence
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