Emotional Intelligence 101: Discover the keys to Happiness and Success in Life!

Change Your Belief System

"All personal breakthroughs being with a change in beliefs. So how do we change? The most effective way is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. You must feel deep in your gut that not only has this belief cost you pain in the past, but it's costing you in the present and, ultimately, can only bring you pain in the future. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”

- Anthony Robbins

Big feelings are the foundation of internal, self-limiting, childhood belief systems, and unresolved feelings are the glue that keeps those beliefs in place, inside of us. Expressing and dealing with our feelings brings those beliefs into our consciousness and allows them to change.

Love is the Answer

"Remember, in our innermost being, we are all completely lovable because spirit is love. Beyond what anyone can make you think or feel about yourself, your unconditioned spirit stands, shining with a love nothing can tarnish."

- Deepak Chopra

------------------------------------------------------------- "When mystics use the word love, they use it very carefully -- in the deeply spiritual sense, where to love is to know; to love is to act. If you really love, from the depths of your Consciousness, that love gives you a native wisdom. You perceive the needs of others intuitively and clearly, with detachment from any personal desires; and you know how to act creatively to meet those needs, dexterously surmounting any obstacle that comes in the way. Such is the immense, driving power of love."

- Eknath Easwaran

------------------------------------------------------------- "Therefore, when I say that ‘I love,’ it is not I who love, but in reality Love who acts through me. Love is not so much something I do as something that I am. Love is not a doing but a state of being - a relatedness, a connectedness to another mortal, an identification with her or him that simply flows within me and through me, independent of my intentions or my efforts."

- Robert A. Johnson

------------------------------------------------------------- "When you are aware that you are the force that is Life, anything is possible. Miracles happen all the time, because those miracles are performed by the heart. The heart is in direct communion with the human soul, and when the heart speaks, even with the resistance of the head, something inside you changes; your heart opens another heart, and true love is possible."

- Don Miguel Ruiz

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Death and Awareness

I can accept that people and events are placed in my path for a purpose.  A purpose I may not understand and a purpose I may never understand.  I also believe that there are recurring patterns in my life and behaviors that can be changed when I finally see and accept the patterns.

Some patterns are very hard to see.  They run so deep and have existed for so long that I don't recognize them when they occur.  I accept them as normal.  I recently had a pattern revealed to me and I am still reeling from the implications and flashing back on many decisions made with a new understanding.

It's interesting that this pattern is revealed during yet another painful period in my life - the approach of my mother's death.  The timing of the two is another reminder that there is a higher power who is helping me to understand and grow if I'm willing to listen.  My history with my mother has been a painful and abusive one.  But I never understood my relationship with her.  My mother didn't teach me that pain is a natural part of life.  She taught me that life was all about pain.

With that belief as the undercurrent of my life, I can see the reasoning behind so many of my choices.  I was making decisions that would keep the pain as a constant companion in my life.  If I couldn't create enough of my own pain to satisfy that need, I would take on and accept the pain of others.  Yet I caught myself in a trap.  I know that being in pain constantly was wrong.  I also knew what it felt like to take on the pain of others.  I made a choice not to pass the pain I carried on to anyone else and the cost was the ending of many relationships.  With my new realizations, I also stopped denying my own pain and began to feel and know how much I have endured and held on to.  I am learning new skills on how not to take responsibility for the pain of others and to release what I am already carrying.  My first chance to test these new skills is with my mom.

I am making choices on how I am dealing with her care and the way I want our relationship to end.  It has been so hard to make choices that would be best for me and were also in her best interest.  I have been judging myself harshly.  Constantly questioning whether I'm making these choices so that I would intentionally hurt her.  I've come to peace with myself.  I'm not out to hurt my mother.  While the decision I made to leave her in a nursing home was not one she wanted me to make, it was the best one for both of us.  She is toxic to my well-being.  She was in a place where she was safe and being taken care of in a way that I could not do without hurting myself.  When my sister made the choice to take mom to her home, I expressed my concerns and let her make her own decision.  In the process of attempting to move mom, the stress on mom's body was too much.  And even though she is still breathing, the person that I have loved and hated for so many years is gone.

I am thankful that I made the time to call before they left and tell mom how much I love her and was able to hear and accept how much she loves me.  And maybe in the process of letting her go, I can also let go of all the anger and pain that I've held on to as the only way I knew how to love my mother.  I do wish we had the time to find an easier and less painful way to love each other.

     Sue

Attraction

"The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe."

- Deepak Chopra

Fear: How to Manage it!

When fears arise, use this quick acceptance process:

1. Acknowledge and really feel your fear without judging and criticizing yourself.
2. Ask what it’s there to tell you. Be alert for inner messages that will bring you greater understanding of the situation.
3. Be fully present. Are you okay in this moment? Relax into your present well-being.
4. Focus your mind on what you have rather than on what you don’t have, or on what you want rather than on what you don’t want.
5. Ask your higher knowing: What can I do to improve my situation? Taking action helps get our energy moving.

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.”

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Find Something Positive!

"Make a game of finding something positive in every situation. Ninety-five percent of your emotions are determined by how you interpret events to yourself."

- Brian Tracy

We're doing it!

New office opens Thursday, May 1, as the 2GetHelp Wellness Center -- Yeehaa!

MEW Foundation, Inc's was officially declared as a Corporation by the state of California Secretary of State, and we have a federal tax ID number.

Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT, will be our first (and grandest) therapist!

We're officially advertising for additional therapist(s) / coach(es) to join our team.

Our full-service office in Fresno, CA includes a reception area and a large, private office with phones, computer/internet, chairs, couch, desk, etc... ready for business. We have a lease, logo, letterhead, software, documents, clients, and goodwill.

and more...

Wish us luck!
- Matt

Emotional Specialties

2GetHelp Wellness Center

Our new center will hereby specialize in the following:

- Depression: We have helped so many understand, fight, and win, against their depression, - going from hospital to happy - in only a year or two. This is for the girls, wives and moms of the world.

- Anger: Anger has a terrible reputation, and I want to help change that. There is no other feeling as powerful, and potentially productive (or destructive) as our Anger. ... and we're VERY good at this subject. This is for the husbands and dads of the world.

- PTSD: We have found simple, effective, powerful ways of helping relieve Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -- the sounds, the pictures, the nightmares -- it's all stored in the right-side of the brain and it's all curable. This is for our returning vets.

Help us help you.

OMG!

Nearly 1 in 5 troops has mental problems after war service - Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080418/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/troops_mental_health

WASHINGTON - Roughly one in every five U.S. troops who have survived the bombs and other dangers of Iraq and Afghanistan now suffers from major depression or post-traumatic stress, an independent study said Thursday. It estimated the toll at 300,000 or more.

Only about half of those with mental health problems have sought treatment.

"There is a major health crisis facing those men and women who have served our nation in Iraq and Afghanistan," said Terri Tanielian, the project's co-leader and a researcher at Rand. "Unless they receive appropriate and effective care for these mental health conditions, there will be long-term consequences for them and for the nation."

"We've got to get the word out that seeking help is a sign of strength," Sutton said.

They gave various reasons for not getting help, including that they worried about the side effects of medication, they believed family and friends could help them with the problem, or they feared seeking care might damage their careers.

WE HAVE GOT TO HELP THEM!!! We take care of our own.

A new Company is Born!

As of yesterday, our new company is here to help show and tell the world about the wonders and joys of Emotional Intelligence!!

MEW Foundation, Inc.'s
2GetHelp Wellness Center
2560 West Shaw Lane, Suite 105
Fresno, CA 93711-2777
(559) 431-9995 / (559) 431-9996 (fax)

We already have a therapist on staff in the office and we'll be getting at least one more. We have 4 websites and will be getting at least 3 more. We have hundreds of loyal followers on our mailing list and (hopefully) more coming!

Stay tuned for further developments. Write if you would like to join in... there's tons to do as we link up those who need 2GetHelp with those willing 2GiveHelp.

If there is to be a judgment, we will be judged not by our piety, nor by our observance to ritual.
Rather the creator will ask us two questions in order to evaluate our lives:
'What did you do with the talents I gave you?'
'How did you treat the people I sent you to love?'

- Rabbi Shlomo Carlbach

yeehaa!
- Matt

< Matt's Stuff

Choose a feeling. It returns a face and name. Just takes a sec. http://www.6seconds.org/feel/

- Matt

You Gotta Feel It, to Heal It(2)!

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts."

- Albert Einstein

The Meaning of Life

Wanna find the Meaning to life?

Wanna know the Reason we are here?

Wanna find the Answers to life's great questions?

Look inside your heart!

When we are totally in-touch with our inner-most feelings, when we truly get to Know ourselves to the deepest depths of our soul, when we find the still and the calm that exists within, past any pain or worry or stress... we find life... and all the answers we need.

Emotional Awareness

"Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding."

- Myla & Jon Kabat-Zinn

a.k.a. Emotional Awareness

Self-Processing

I'm coining a new term,

"Self-Processing: The art and skill of Processing yourself and "resolving" your negative feelings.

Feeling Resolution is a process. a known, understood, step-by-step process that can be replicated, and measured (well, kinda).

Issues = Unresolved feelings and emotions.
- Resolving your own personal "life issues",
- Cleaning out your emotional "system" - effectively, cleanly, and completely,
- Dealing with your unresolved, unexpressed past and current feelings and emotions,
- Safely and sanely, with dignity and pride,
- Using your own personal Power,
- For relief, healing, and clarity.

Issues tend to contain:
a. BIG emotions
b. often, a big fat Should
c. some shame, or guilt, perhaps?
d. almost certainly, some Anger.
e. a catastrophic, so fear

Wanna heal yourself? Learn to "Process" your Feelings and Emotions and Issues. It's one of the most powerful and profound skills you can possibly possess.

- Matt

(more on this later... any comments? know anyone who's doing/teaching this skill?)

I don't sing because I'm happy; I'M HAPPY because I sing.

"I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I sing."

- William James, 1842-1910, American Philosopher and Psychologist

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"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."

- Kahlil Gibran, 1883-1931, Lebanese Poet and Novelist

Feeling-based Medications

Top 20 Psychiatric Prescriptions for 2005

These are the top 20 psychiatric medications by number of U.S. prescriptions dispensed in 2005.

Medication Used for… U.S. Prescriptions
1. Xanax Anxiety 34,230,000
2. Zoloft Depression, anxiety 26,976,000
3. Lexapro Depression, anxiety 24,788,000
4. Prozac Depression, anxiety 21,403,000
5. Ativan Anxiety, panic disorder 19,002,000
6. Effexor XR Depression, anxiety 17,179,000
7. Klonopin Anxiety 16,763,000
8. Elavil Depression, migraines 14,385,000
9. Valium Anxiety, panic disorder 12,093,000
10. Wellbutrin XL Depression 11,044,000
11. Celexa Depression, anxiety 9,266,000
12. Adderall XR Attention deficit disorder 8,653,000
13. Seroquel Antipsychotic, behavioral problems 8,420,000
14. Risperdal Antipsychotic 7,301,000
15. Strattera Attention deficit disorder 4,991,000
16. Cymbalta Depression, diabetes 4,938,000
17. Zyprexa Antipsychotic, behavioral problems 4,540,000
18. Depakote Bipolar, migraines 4,077,000
19. Buspar Sleep, anxiety 4,054,000
20. Paxil Depression, anxiety 3,609,000

... and feelings aren't that important, right?!?
wow!

oh, and I just got this quote and thought it was appropriate here...

"Don't give up at half time. Concentrate on winning the second half."
- Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant

What that means to me is that there is hope! Even if you are suffering with depression, anxiety, ADD or other 'disorders', these are all Feelings-based ailments and therefore (imho) overcome-able. You can make the 2nd half of your life as good, or BETTER, than the 1st half!

You gotta feel it to heal it.

- Matt

Let go of past pains!

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life."

- Mary Manin Morrissey

"In truth, to attain to interior peace, one must be willing to pass through the contrary to peace. Such is the teaching of the Sages."

- Swami Brahmanada

"I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts.
All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn."

- Melody Beattie

In a miraculous way, our fears become less powerful when we discover that we share them with other people. You gotta feel it to heal it.

Emotional Growth

instead of Personal Growth, what if we call it Emotional Growth?
it's more descriptive and ties back in to our area of focus.

We're all about Feelings and Emotions.
If you don't like yours, if you think that Feelings are a bad thing... if you're in denial about what's happening inside you... you may want to leave here, quickly.

We're all about Feelings.
We LOVE our Feelings. (and our feelings ARE love)
We talk about our Feelings... a lot.
We allow and express and enjoy and treasure our Feelings!
We learn from our Feelings.
We live thru our Feelings.

If you don't like your feelings and see no reason to actively pull them up and get them out, great. enjoy. good luck. see ya later.

Emotional Intelligence is the key to both Happiness and Success in life.
therefore, feelings are king 'round these parts.

About Emotional Intelligence

Various definitions:

“Emotional intelligence is the ability:
to perceive emotions;
to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought;
to understand emotions and emotional knowledge;
and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.”

Another says there are four parts:
1. Perceive or sense emotions,
2. Use emotions to assist thought,
3. Understand emotions,
4. Manage emotions.

David Caruso writes, “It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head -- it is the unique intersection of both.”

from Q-Metrics, the creators of the EQ Map. They say: “Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, trust, creativity and influence.”

Entire Article at 6seconds.org

One key insight from this model is that having a capacity or skill is not enough to create real-world results.

Have a Child's heart, and an Adult's mind

"What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult."

- Sigmund Freud

ouch... and oh sooo true! that's why I like to hang around kids better!

I have a gripe... about Happiness.

I read a quote this morning...

"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable."

- Leo C. Rosten

sounds good, right?
well, I say, "BULL". I don't buy that.
I can choose to do nothing whatsoever, and still be totally Happy and at peace. Here's one I buy...

"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit."

-- Swami Ramdas

The perfectly still mind is also happy and content.

In fact,

“Happiness is a journey, not a destination. For a long time it seemed
to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some
obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business,
time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these
obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that
time waits for no one.”

- Souza

I believe Happiness is about Opening the heart, not Pushing the heart. well, actually, at first, we gotta Push the heart, to get all the yucky, painful, childhood stuff outta there, to make room for the good. However, I've found that once we've done the emotional work and healing, we can relax, Open our hearts, and enjoy!

- Matt

It's up to us, baby!

As your eyes open, you'll see that your state of health, happiness, and every circumstance of your life has been, in large part, arranged by you -- consciously or unconsciously."

- Dan Millman

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"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Ultimate Freedom!

"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."

- Stephen Covey

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"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."

- Jean-Paul Sartre

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"One cannot make a slave of a free person, for a free person is free even in a prison."

- Plato

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HigherAwareness.com

Attitude is Everything!

"Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."

- J. Donald Walters

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The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.

- Victor Frankl

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Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.

– Albert Einstein

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"If a person gets his attitude toward money straight,
it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life."

- Billy Graham

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"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!"

Love is about being open!

Love is about open arms. If you close your arms about love, you will find that you are left holding only yourself.

– Leo Buscaglia

Being wide open, at all times, ain't easy, and frankly it ain't all that smart, either. Learn how to be open, when the time is right, or even by default, but also know how to close up, and protect yourself, when needed, as well.

I am happy.

I have a life. I make a life. every day.

I have a great job, the best I've ever had. I work part-time, telecommuting from home, it pays well, is challenging, important and resume-enhancing.

I run 4 businesses:
EucProducts
ND - my fave!
Computer Consulting
building 2GH

I have a 700+ post blog, and building another.
I have a 100+ member support site, and building another.

I have 13.8 acres of nearly ocean-front property in a small town in the woods of northern California. I am nearing completion on a 1,600 sq. ft. garage/workshop/classroom/Paula's office/craft area, that Paula and I built, from scratch, with our own barehands (and a little help from our son-in-law, and a few others).

I hang out with my wife, and daughter, and daughter's family, and especially my grandkids. I have gobs of friends.

I play racquetball like a maniac 2-3x/week (B-/C+ level).

I'm hardly ever sick and have only a very few lasting injuries/pains.

I laugh more than anyone I know. I cry more than almost anyone I know. I am angry sometimes, and proud of it.

I have cleaned out the skeletons of my painful past (mostly). I have learned how to function immensely in the present. I have hope for the future.

I like myself. I like my life. and I love what I've become/created.

I am happy.

- Matt

What is Happiness?

Happiness is an Attitude
Happiness is a Lifestyle Choice.
Happiness is a Way of Being.
Happiness is a Skill.
Happiness is an Art.

Happiness is Classy.
Happiness has Style, and Grace, and Beauty.
Happiness is Fun, and Silly, and Skippy, and having a Blast, pretty often.

Happiness is about Allowing and Releasing Negative Feelings, to get back to the Positive ones.

Happiness is about Accepting and Understanding what's going on inside of you, and others (even when it's scary or uncomfortable).

Happiness is about Giving a damn.
Happiness is about Caring.
Happiness is about Love.

Happiness is life, lived to the fullest.

We Must Teach People How to Be with Us

Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.

– Wayne Dyer, American Psychotherapist/Author/Lecturer

If you think badly of yourself, others will instinctively treat you badly, too. But, if you value yourself, your opinions, your heart and your mind, others will USUALLY treat you the same way.

Emotions are the next frontier!

"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it."

- Joseph Collins

------------------------------------------------------------- "Emotions are the next frontier to be understood and conquered. To manage our emotions is not to drug them or suppress them, but to understand them so that we can intelligently direct our emotional energies and intentions.... It's time for human beings to grow up emotionally, to mature into emotionally managed and responsible citizens. No magic pill will do it."

- Doc Childre

Emotional Intelligence = Taking Control of your Life!

The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing.

- Michael E. Gerber

The key is a tricky balancing act between making things happen, and letting things happen. Take control of what you can, and let the rest go.

Overcoming Guilt

To learn more about myself and to continue my growth I have found a few sites that speak to my soul on a regular basis.  Today I read an article on "The Importance of Overcoming Guilt" which helped to bring me some new insight.  Some excerpts from the article by Albert, The Urban Monk, are

Guilt is born the moment we know better.  Guilt is created the moment we think back, the moment we see the hurt we have caused.  Hindsight created the lie that we had a choice.  But we didn't.  We always do our best restricted only by our awareness.

Psychologists and Buddhist teachers alike have identified these patterns inside each of us.  They have different names for it, of course, but they all refer to the same thing:  patterns, instincts, old conditionings, beliefs, emotional states, perhaps a wound that is still bleeding.

The possibility of choice only comes with awareness - when these patterns arise, can we recognise them for what they are, instead of getting pulled along by their force?

I do recommend reading the full article.  You can find it at The Urban Monk.

   Suellen

Get out of your own muck and help someone else!

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tired of your own pain and issues? Try reaching out to help someone else!

No matter how bad it is for you, there are always people out there who need help, support, a loving heart, and/or a kind ear to listen and care.

Helping someone almost always works wonders for BOTH of you!

Related links:
(action) Join our online support group
Connect with some of the most loving, accepting, supportive people on the planet.
(article) Overcoming Anger and Fear
The evangelist shares practical steps for dealing with destructive emotions, by Billy Graham
(article) The Only Way Out Is Through
Twelve ways to heal depression and find the true self. By Kenneth Porter, M.D.

Create Your World

True brilliance, Matt, is not a function of understanding one's view of the world and finding order, logic, and spirituality in it. True brilliance is understanding that your view of order, logic, and spirituality is what created your world.

And therefore you are forever capable of changing everything.

The Universe

The Bucket List

The Bucket List, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.

It is bittersweet because these guys are dying of cancer, but it is also comical as they go about fulfilling the items on their list of what they want to accomplish before they "kick the bucket."

The biggest takeaway: Don't wait, or waste, another minute! Make that list, clarify what is important to you, and start living a more fulfilling life.

How's the best way to create your list of what you want to do/accomplish/handle before you go, or any list of ideas, thoughts, reminders or 'aha' moments -- you need a Collection Box for your Brain! (I have one!)

How? read on...

Love is a friendship caught on fire

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."

- Bruce Lee !

Love really is the answer. Whatever the question, Love should be in the answer.

DECIDE to be Happy!

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."

- Abraham Lincoln

Decide, now, that you will do whatever it takes, change whatever you need to, face whatever you need to, to be Happy, finally, in this lifetime.

Emotional Intelligence is the key to happiness.

You Gotta Feel It, to Heal It!

"The key is to not resist or rebel against emotions or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of tricks; but to accept them directly, as they are."

- Takahisa Kora

"Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance."

- Deepak Chopra

"We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the ‘emotional baggage’ and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past."

- Doc Childre

"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."

- Audre Lorde

People are our Mirror

"The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs. So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth... if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them."

- Shakti Gawain

2008 Priorities

"Getting in touch with our true selves must be our first priority!"

- Tom Hopkins

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We know nothing until we know all the ways that we're not who we should be. Only then do we have a chance at becoming the people we've wanted to be, and God intended us to be, from the day we were born.

– Marianne Williamson, American Spiritual Author and Lecturer (from her new book, "The Age of Miracles")

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"Our lives improve only when we take chances ... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."

- Walter Anderson

Emotional Criticism

"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."

- Norman Vincent Peale

Wanna be Heard?

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

– Theodore Roosevelt, 1858-1919, 26th President of the United States

It's not the Content, it's the Delivery!

My wife and I have an ongoing struggle about this...

You see, I get my feelings hurt, pretty easily. Because I "hear" the different inflexions in voice, energy and body language, because I believe I the "see" the rest of what is being said, I often get my feelings hurt, or get angry, at her communications.

I say, "It's not the Content, it's the Delivery! It's not WHAT you are saying, it's HOW you're saying it."

My wife says she's just "saying it" and I am reading the other stuff into it myself. Well, I think both are true, but still, the result is that I get my feelings hurt, pretty often.

so let's watch our delivery.
and be aware of the delivery of others.

That's emotional intelligence.

Relationships

I am over 40 years old. I've had a relationship that lasted four years and a marriage that lasted seventeen.  I've been working for over twenty-five years.  It is only in the last year that I have begun learning what it means to have a healthy relationship.  I can honestly say that prior to this last year my relationships have consisted of me changing and hiding parts of who I was to become the person that they were looking for.  I never knew that the most important relationship that I would ever have in my life was the relationship I would have with me.  I had a lousy relationship with myself.  I lied, I bullied, I criticized, I became a person I didn't like, and I wasn't consciously aware that I was doing it to me. 

Then my husband did the best thing he could ever do for me - he left me.  I was alone with me.  I became aware of who I was and what I was doing.  And I didn't like what I saw.  After a great deal of crying and a period of deep depression, I decided to make a change.  I decided to stop lying to myself.  I decided to be honest with myself.  I slowly decided to open up all of the closets and rid myself of all my dark secrets.  While I was making this change in my relationship with me, I was also making the same change in my relationships with others.  I have developed some very close, open, honest relationships.  It hasn't been all smooth and effortless.  Some we've been able to work out the misunderstandings, the hurt feelings, and the differences.  The key has usually been a willingness on both parts to talk about it and find a way that works for both of us to keep the friendship.

Some haven't worked out.  I have been disappointed that we haven't been able to work it out.  I also realize that I had set an expectation.  Since I was doing it different by being just me and being as open and honest as I am capable of being, I was building the strong friendships I wanted with people who are willing to accept me as I am without the lies and pretenses.  I believed that all of my new relationships would be this way.  I was wrong.  I have been hurt and disappointed when a new relationship ends.  Even though I am being open and honest, the relationships end just like when I wasn't.  I'm doing it differently and I'm getting the same results.  I realized today after talking to a friend that the result is different.  In the past I would have believed that the ending was all my fault.  Today I believe that I contributed to the ending and I am taking responsibility for my part.  I have no control over what the other person is going to do. And it really doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is that I maintain the relationship with myself by remaining open and honest and completely me.

          Suellen Wiseman

Quotes from Famous People

“Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.”

- Elvis Presley

"I do not seek. I find."

– Pablo Picasso

Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

– Sophocles

"The man who has no imagination has no wings."

- Muhammad Ali

The ABC's of Healthy Attitudes

void negative sources, people, places, things and habits.
Believe in yourself.
Consider things from every angle.
Don't give up and don't give in.
Enjoy life to the fullest!
Family and friends are hidden treasures; enjoy their company.
Give more than you are expected to.
Hang on to your dreams.
Ignore those who try to discourage you.
Just do it.
Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.
Love yourself first and most.
Make it happen.
Never give up.
Open your eyes and see yourself as you really are.
Practice relationships.
Quitters never win and winners never quit.
Read, study and learn about your feelings and emotions.
Stop procrastinating, now.
Take control of your own destiny.
Understand yourself, and you will better understand others.
Visualize it. Feel it. Be it. Live it.
Want it more than anything.
EXcellerate your efforts.
You are unique in all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.
Zero in on your target and go for it!

-

"Let me listen to me and not to them."

- Gertrude Stein

Ten Ways To Do What You Love

1. Do what you love.

2. Provide a service to others who do what you love.

3. Teach others to do what you love.

4. Write about what you love.

5. Speak about what you love.

6. Create a product related to what you love.

7. Sell or broker what you love.

8. Promote what you love.

9. Organize what you love.

10. Set up, repair, restore, fix, or maintain what you love.

Ten Ways To Do What You Love

- by coach Susan Henderson

See Susan's book list, too! There are some great ones here. I'm reading the The War of Art, and it's really powerful stuff about how our own internal Resistance can mess up our lives!
- Matt

Give yourself a Break!

"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves.

The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal.

Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."

- Don Miguel Ruiz

I Like My Job

George Carlin sayz, "My job is to think up goofy shit, come back here, and report it to you!"

I say, "My job is feel emotional shit, and come back here, and report it to you!"

Awareness is the First Key to Change

"Insight occurs when, and to the degree that, one knows oneself."

- Andrew Schneider

------------------------------------------------------------- "We are not what we know. We are what we are willing to learn."

- Council on Ideas

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"The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival."

- Aristotle